Archive of entries posted on 8th March 2011

lolbama! Part 58

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This week, That One. Next week, terrorists. Submit for either at lolterizt@gmail.com

Meanwhile, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.

NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.

From bradtid:

From Kris:

From Kris:

[reference link]

From Kris:

[reference link]

From Kris:

[reference link]

From Kris:

[reference link]

From Larsinkima:

From Larsinkima:

[reference link]

From me (Harvey):

My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:

From Arik:

From Jacob:

From Kris:

From Kris:

[reference link]

From Mean Ol’ Meany:

[reference link]

From me (Harvey):

This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with:

PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolbama! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.

#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.

MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.

Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.

What If Nazis Had Dinosaurs?

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Apparently there is a new game coming out about Nazis getting the dinosaur before the American military does. It’s a lot like Nazis getting the atomic bomb first, but a million times worse.

Luckily, we defeated those Nazis in real life and don’t have to worry about them, but there could be future Nazis. Nazis with jetpacks and laser guns. And do we want those Nazis getting the dinosaur before we do? It’s time to prioritize in this country; that means drastically cutting entitlements and putting a lot of that money into dinosaur research. That’s how you win the future.

How to Make An Obama Appearance More Appealing to High Schoolers

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Obama’s having trouble getting people to enter the contest to have him speak at their high school. Weird; I thought young people loved Obama. You know, because they’re stupid.

Still, maybe Obama could get more entries if there was more to win than hearing him give a speech for the millionth time. Here’s some ideas to offer the winning high school to sweeten the pot:

* Everyone gets a blank pardon.

* Get to play federal government for a day and given a billions dollars to spend like crazy.

* Exempted from Obamacare.

* Tests will now be graded on the same scale that gave Obama a B+.

* Everyone gets their picture with the president bowing to them.

* Obama will come dressed as Lady Gaga.

* Get to watch uncensored video of Biden trying to give an impromptu speech.

* Everyone gets to pick their own czar position.

* Exempt from ever listening to another Obama speech ever again.

The Left Has Never Cared About Tone

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Here’s Mary Katharine Ham on the left and their “new tone”:

The left keeps going on about “violent rhetoric” and what not, but of course they have little to say about their own crazed protests. You know I’m just getting tired of the left’s false concerns. “We’re worried about violence,” or “We’re worried about racism,” or “We’re worried about harsh rhetoric” — the left doesn’t legitimately care about any of that. Their concern about almost everything begins and ends with people disagreeing with them. It doesn’t matter how perfect and honest you’ve led your life; disagree with the left and they’ll find a reason you’re the worst person ever. And you could go around and ax murder people and the left will try to find some excuse for your behavior if you tout single payer health care.

The left really needs to learn to start embracing freedom of speech in spirit. If anytime you hear someone disagree with you and the first thing you think is, “How do I find a way to shut this person up?” then you’re not really getting it. If you can’t stand people disagreeing with you, this isn’t the country for you.

Random Thoughts

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I just love my little Buttercup more every day. I’ve already reached the upper limit on loving my wife.

Warner Brothers, just so you’ll know, I’ll star in Two and a Half Men for the discount price of $500,000 an episode.

So will Two and a Half Men go on without the titular half-man?

Actually, kinda feels excessive to pile on that this point. It’s hard to make it more obvious to Sheen he’s at a nadir.

The country has seen better days, but until were embroiled in a civil war we can say we’ve seen worse.

Plus, at no previous time in our country’s history did people have iPads. Not even the Reagan years.

Every time I look at my clunky iPad 1, I imagine a caveman using it to beat to death a woolly mammoth.

Hoping I can at least wait until the iPad 3 to upgrade, but I’m starting to worry I’ll look like a hipster with my technological antique.

$223 billion deficit in Feb. In other news, I’m buying store brand soda as I’m still paying off the mortgage deficit on my last house sale.

Wait a sec… I have a mortgage, a child, a lawnmower, a budget… I think I might be an adult now.

There’s not much left with Charlie Sheen except to pray he realizes how much he needs help.

NASA discovers poodles living in the sky

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Last week, Dr. Richard B. Hoover, an astrobiologist with NASA’s Marshall Space Flight Center, announced that there was evidence of alien life in meteorites.

According to his report at the Journal of Cosmology, life is common in the universe:

…these fossilized bacteria are not Earthly contaminants but are the fossilized remains of living organisms which lived in the parent bodies of these meteors, e.g. comets, moons, and other astral bodies. Coupled with a wealth of date published elsewhere and in previous editions of the Journal of Cosmology, and as presented in the edited text, “The Biological Big Bang”, the implications are that life is everywhere, and that life on Earth may have come from other planets.

As evidence, he offered photos of what looked like life.

© Journal of Cosmology

But the surprising news doesn’t stop there, according to Dr. Hoover. “Building on this conclusion — that is, if it looks like life, then it’s probably life — we now have proof that poodles live in the earth’s sky.”

While some scientists are skeptical of Dr. Hoover’s latest claim, he offered additional photos to support his hypothesis.

“You see this? There’s no doubt that it’s a poodle. But closer examination shows that it’s floating in the sky with clouds,” Dr. Hoover said. “It’s obvious that giant floating poodles live on the earth. In fact, there may be additional giant floating dogs, not just poodles, that live in the sky.”

While there is no photographic evidence of other airborne canines, Dr. Hoover suggests that other evidence points to their existence.

“The meteorites that contain microscopic slugs? How did they get to earth? I think that other sky-dogs may have seen the asteroids zipping by in space and, well, essentially played ‘fetch’ with them, bringing them to earth and dropping them on us,” Dr. Hoover concluded.

The scientist stated that more research needed to be done. He said that once NASA learns more about the giant floating dogs, it is possible they could be trained to not only fetch, but to also deliver satellites into space.

“The possibilities are endless,” Dr. Hoover said.