* New New York Post column by me on the Occupy Wall Street hippies. I thought this one was chock full of wisdom. What’s your favorite line from it? I think mine might have been:
“In fact, by looking at protest attendance, you might conclude that the most oppressed group in American society are white college students.”
* Obama says that the GOP wants “dirtier air, dirtier water, less people with health insurance.” He forgot to add that the GOP also wants thin mustaches to twirl as we laugh evilly.
You know, our tax dollars are paying for Obama to drive around in a bus and say things like that. Think of how much money we’d save if we made Obama just sit in a corner and think about what he’s done.
* According to a Rasmussen poll, Herman Cain leads Obama 43 to 41 percent in a head to head match up. That’s better than any of the other potential GOP candidates. That means to be a smart Republican, you have to support Herman Cain for president. Otherwise you’re a dumb extremist who doesn’t focus on electability.
* The Wall Street Journal interviewed 200 protesters at Zuccotti Park to find out what their beliefs are, and — surprise surprise — they’re extreme leftists whose views are counter to most Americans. Also, a third are for using violence to support their cause — I guess if they finally figure out what their cause is. Strangely, about half of them supported the Wall Street bailout. So they’re protesting Wall Street, but they’re okay with the government throwing hundreds of billions of our money at them. We better act like we understand that, or they may get violent towards us.
It really seems like this isn’t a protest against oppression, but a protest for more oppression — for more big government. Plus, they’re willing to be violent in support of it. It’s one of those days I’m happy we have the 2nd Amendment. Those days end in ‘y’.
* For the first time ever, 50% of those polled supported legalizing marijuana. I don’t see any other way to look at this than that president is driving people to do drugs. Good job, Mr. Sunshine.
* Images prove that Ron Paul wears eyebrow toupees.
Fake eyebrows for fake beliefs.
This makes him a huge hypocrite because EYEBROW TOUPEES ARE NOT MENTIONED IN THE CONSTITUTION!
* According to science — SCIENCE! — global warming is causing plants and animals to become smaller. That means in the future when an angry polar bear charges you, you’ll just be able to pick it up and chuck it away. Score another one for global warming and progress! Also, I wonder if this means I’ll soon be able to own a cute little redwood bonsai tree?
Hmm… I wonder if global warming is what caused Lilliput.
* Wisdom of the Day: “I’ve heard it said a monkey is 99% human. They are the 99%.” –Pastor Ed
* Here’s a neat link I got from zamoose: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Noses
“God is the artist. I just find the ninja turtle in his work.”
There is so much genius on the internet.
A pumpkin is 70% human, too. To get to the percentage of human that is OWS, we’ll need to drill a lot deeper.
What’s your favorite line from it? I think mine might have been:
“In fact, by looking at protest attendance, you might conclude that the most oppressed group in American society are white college students.”
Mine was “Frank J. Fleming is a political humorist.” What a perfectly-crafted sentence!
Actually, Ron Paul’s entire face comes off. But he usually doesn’t take it off unless he’s trying to impress Capt. America.
My favorite sentence of Frank’s column in today’s Post:
“You don’t see hippies in war-torn Third World countries; useless idiots are a luxury”.
I’m really glad Frank’s humor is now part of the Post, still can’t get over it.
“Images prove that Ron Paul wears eyebrow toupees.”
Still more proof that he is an alien. When will people learn?
That was a really great article, Frank. I know it’s a “humorous” article, but you’re actually correct in everything you say; it’s not really hyperbole.
For an extra special happy feeling, imagine one of those moronic OWS hippies reading this article. Heads exploding doesn’t even begin to cover the result.
Your last line sums it up:
“Things need to improve a lot before people will bother listening to hippies complain about how bad things are.”
(But Mxymaster runs the risk of being funnier than Frank! Dangerous!)
I think Ron Paul’s eyebrows need to audited – and then re-peeled – just like the FED!
I like the line that compares hippies to babies, but it was actually several lines. Other ways hippies are like babies:
– poor hygenic habits
– incomprehensible babbling
– most annoying when crying
– puzzling desire to bang noisily on things
– no clue as to when to come in from the cold
– think other hippies are cute
As to Paul’s eyebrows, he is only trying to match Huntsman, who rules in the “using eyebrows to make a point” category.
Animals are shrinking because of warm temperatures? Have these scientists seen the size of Palmetto bugs in Florida, rats in Hawaii, or spiders in the South American rain forest? Warm weather = lots of food = big fat healthy animals. The plant life in these places gets pretty huge, too. Oh, wait, am I applying anecdotal evidence to prove a scientific theory? We can’t have that, now, can we? (You’ll just have to imagine the voice dripping with heavy sarcasm.)
Seriously, though, since there is no link to the article – is the explanation that the animals don’t need superior size to retain warmth in the winter? And how is this happening so rapidly? The only animals with short enough gestation cycles to turn a bunch of generations since the Warm-Mongers claim the earth began to warm to any serious degree are all tiny anyway (mice, bugs). I can’t imagine timber wolves and elephants and Siberian tigers and such have evolved measurably in so short a time, especially given their relatively small numbers to begin with. Not to mention just one harsh winter would nip the trend in the bud, killing off all the smallies and leaving only the leftover bigs to breed. Can anyone remember when we have had a particularly harsh winter? Anyone? Beuhler? Or is this another think-tank theory being propounded as settled Science!?
“Try to explain how economics works, and they’ll just tilt their heads, furrow their brows and point at what they want, never comprehending why someone can’t just hand it to them.”
Best line-treats them like the illiterate, whiny children that they are. Try to explain the Laffer curve to them, and they just give you a “Down Twinkles!”
OWS chant:
What do we want? [Incoherent noise as each of 5,000 demonstrators recites his or her (or its, mustn’t neglect the gender-optional crowd) personal wish list.]
When do we want it? NOW!!!!!
Yeah, we’ll get right on that.
“A hippie protesting is like a baby crying: It doesn’t know what needs to be done — or often even exactly what the problem is — it just knows something is wrong, so it makes noise until an adult comes and fixes things. But when people already know something is wrong and are trying to fix things, the baby crying is nothing more than headache-inducing.”
So I see being a dad has come home to roost. Way to go Buttercup!
Oh, and Frank, GREAT column!
Frank, can we air drop leaflets of your column over the ocutards just and watch the heads explode? We can hire folks to mop up the mess. Frank Fleming, exterminating hippies and creating jobs at the same time.
I have preschool grandchildren smarter and better mannered than the hippies.
If global warning shrinks eveything down, that will mean more room for more people. Winning !!!
“Useless idiots are a luxury”
Does this mean the current administration is a luxury?
In this economy I am giving up on luxury items, so can I send them back to Kenya?
The occutards makes me glad I live in a state that attempts to follow the 2nd amendment. It is instructine the occutards don’t occupy small towns, where the locals are less concerned with free college than thwey are with the latest Remington, Mossbetg, and Winchester. I fear in the citys tasers have replaced rock salt.
I hate to encourage you, but this is a good line
So in this economy, it’s not so much that hippies can’t find jobs as the threat that they may actually need to start looking for them.
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I don’t want to choose just one line, and you can’t make me do it!
I can hardly wait ’til I can get a blue whale for my fish tank. Anyone know where I can get Krill?
So, like what happens tonight if Mitt Romney or Rick Perry’s hair falls off? I mean, hot lights, wig glue…something’s gotta give! If I was Ron Paul, I’d run over and punch them both in the face and rip their fake hair off and set it down on their stands and that put my hands on my hips and go Muwahahahahahah!!! Up 30 points in polls overnight!!!
What do we want?
5,000 people babbling about me, me, me incoherently…
When do we want it?
5,000 people babbling “like maybe now, or tomorrow or whenever or something”
Start the bulldozer…5,000 hippies shouting ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! SWEET!
“What do we want?”
“Free healthcare!”
“Free food!”
“Free daycare!”
“Free welfare!”
“Free education!”
“Free abortions!”
“You already have those things.”
“Well, we want redistribution of wealthm maaaan!”
“How do you think you got those other things?”
You’re right, ussjimmycarter. Bring in the bulldozers.
Hey I got quoted by Frank! None of you jealous miscreants (or MrCreants) even commented. If I can just get @IMAO to follow me on Twitter my life would be complete and I could just kick back and wait for Jesus to come.
OWS is getting to be my hobbie. I usually can’t make fun of groups of people because it is seen as unpious. Howere I have received special dispensation from the grand poohbah to riddicule them with gusto. I had to pay dearly for that indulgence and it was worth every cent.
NYP column was vintage you. No, I’m not kissing up to Frank, I just stalk him on Twitter.
I’m fond of “Try to explain how economics works, and they’ll just tilt their heads, furrow their brows and point at what they want, never comprehending why someone can’t just hand it to them,” because I’ve seen it happen. But then, Frank’s posts and columns usually contain at least one line I wind up steali–uh, quoting.
OWS is turning out to be more fun than a barrel of monkeys. And a good deal smellier.
You make blogging looks as easy as making shoot of fish in a barrel!
When all you have is a riot baton every problem looks like a hippie.
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I’d be totally happy to let the hippies have their weed if they let me have a fully automatic M14 without any special permits.