Archive of entries posted on 25th October 2011

lolterizt! Part 143

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This week terrorists, next week That One. Submit for either at lolterizt@gmail.com

Meanwhile, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.

NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.

From Arik:

From Kris:

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From Larsinkima:

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From Larsinkima:

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From Larsinkima:

My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:

From Arik:

From badmartin:

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From Basil:

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From Bassguy:

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From Charles:

From CrustyB:

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From Kris:

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From Les of Brick Moon:

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From Les of Brick Moon:

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From MarkoMancuso:

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This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with:

Ok, who gets the coveted Obscury this week? Nominees are:

1) Larsinkima for “Limb Kadiddlehopper”

2) Basil for “Daffy Duck”

3) Les for “El Kabong”

4) MarkoMancuso for “Jewskinner Blues”

Pipe up in the comments.

PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolterizt! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.

#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.

MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.

HAT TIP: Brian of Snapped Shot‘s magnificent EvilFeed – the world’s best source for ripe-for-captioning terrorist photos.

Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.

Nuke the News: 20/20 vs. 9-9-9, Not Waiting, and What NASA Is Up To

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* Rick Perry has now come up with a bold new tax plan filled with bold tax flavors. Instead of 9-9-9, we have 20/20 which is a 20% flat tax on income and a 20% corporate tax. Of course, those add up to 40, while Cain’s plan only adds up to 27… if that’s how you judge these things. I have no idea.

I do like the filing taxes on a postcard idea. That should stimulate the economy, though at the same time there will be a ton of job losses with IRS agents, tax accountants, and people who make income tax related software. Growing pains I guess.

Mitt Romney has offered no new tax plan — those are scary — but he will try and soothe the economy with his confident, presidential looking smile.

* Obama has a new simplistic slogan: “We can’t wait”. I know what you’re thinking: Isn’t that more of slogan for how most Americans are feeling for the 2012 opportunity to kick Obama out of office? Still, the White House is operating under the fantasy that there are people still out there expectantly waiting for Obama’s new plans. If there are, they’re probably restrained and under medication.

* Based on the economic forecast, it’s projected that Obama will get 43.5% of the vote. That’s probably not going to do it. Anyway, Science! made this prediction — just like it has for global warming — which means we can’t doubt it and there is no reason to even have the election unless we’re anti-science and so should probably just start moving Obama out now. Obama, your Hummel figurines are out on the curb.

* We’ve now witnessed one of the strangest sights ever in a political ad: A man smoking a cigarette. Yes, at the end of the Herman Cain ad, this man just casually puffs at a cigarette like that’s something people do. No shame whatsoever. It’s unprecedented.

I bet Obama is hoping the ad is successful, because then he’ll smoke all through his campaign ads. Since he can’t really make a positive ad for himself, he might as well use them as smoke breaks.

* So now that Qdaffy is gone, how much sharia do you want in Libya? A decent amount? A lot? Well, there’s going to be some. It may be a more moderate sharia, though, so instead of getting murdered for breaking stupid Islamic laws, you just get severely beaten or something. And they’re bringing back polygamy, so yay.

The countries in the Middle East seem kind of in a rut no matter what help they get, and I notice one common factor among all the troubled countries there. I’m going to be polite and not point it out, though.

* A 74-year-old grandma tried to sell a speck of a moon rock she had from her deceased, engineer husband, and NASA ended up capturing her in a sting where armed, flak-jacket wearing feds swooped in and dragged away the frightened old woman. So if you wondering what NASA is doing now that the space shuttle has been retired, they’re devoting all their resources to SCARING OLD LADIES. We really need to find those people some more space stuff to do.

* Netflix has lost 800,000 subscribers. That’s capitalism for you: You raise prices, people don’t like that. Good to know that’s still working.

* Onion article: “Mitt Romney’s Goal To Connect With One Voter By The Time This Is All Over.” I’m sure he’ll eventually excite one voter, but if you pull the lever excitedly or grudgingly, it still counts the same.

Random Thoughts

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We just need to create two Americas in two alternate universes: one for cons to run and one for libs. I call dibs on this universe.

In the other universe, Jrank F. writes serious, left-wing commentary and has a really patchy beard. He also has a daughter Cutterbup who is the ugliest child ever, and a wife KarahS who is nice and never nags.

In the other universe, a sincere but disheveled in appearance Ritt Momney is having trouble running against the eloquent Pick Rerry.

Herman Cain has hit the 9-9-9 point so hard that it’s exactly the same in both universes.

In the other universe, the only constants on the McDonald’s menu are the McRib sandwich and the Shamrock shake.

In the other universe, Qbama was too busy being productive in the private sector to ever run for office. Plus, he was born in Hawaii, which makes him a citizen of Japan and thus ineligible for the presidency.

My wife made me homemade cheesy biscuits! (gluten free)

Facebook Scrabble claimed that “tled” is a word. Google was unable to come up with what it means. Best guess is it’s what you are when you’re under the leadership of Mr. T, which makes it THE MOST AWESOME WORD EVER!

All these beards in baseball makes it hard to tell people apart.

“A MAN smoking a CIGARETTE?! My word! What a queer thing to see.”

SarahK was celebrating the Rangers win and then she suddenly took a puff of cigarette and blew the smoke at me. I was flabbergasted!

Are there other types of gasted you can be than the flabber kind?

After the smoking ad, Herman Cain has shot up on Intrade to having a 99% chance of winning the primary.

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S-s-s-s-s-mokin’!

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Have you seen the new ad from the Herman Cain campaign?


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CBS calls it “bizarre” and notes that the ad is, currently, unlisted. Which means you can’t go to the Cain YouTube channel and find it unless you know where to look.

ABC takes the opportunity to run down a list of Cain campaign staff with “interesting” backgrounds.

The Atlantic asks, “For real?”

Rather than go on, let me sum up the reaction: the ad generated a lot of criticism from people who already didn’t like Herman Cain.

I’m not a smoker, so it didn’t particularly appeal to me. But smokers don’t like being criticized, just like everybody else.

Obama smokes, but hides it. Cain’s campaign manager smokes, and posts it on YouTube.

I’m wondering how this is going to play out.

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Choices

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Everybody is talking taxes. Okay, not everybody. But some of the major Republican candidates are.

Herman Cain has a plan … two actually … to remake the tax code. One is his 999 plan. If you keep reading about 999, though, you’ll see that the long-term plan is to convert to what some call the Fair Tax. 999 involves income, corporate, and sales tax. The Fair Tax is simply a national sales tax.

Now, Rick Perry has come out with his own plan: a 20% flat tax rate for everybody. It’s an income tax, not a sales tax.

Waste of time. And here’s why.

Changing the tax code won’t do any good if the government keeps spending. They want to talk income, when the problem is outgo.

“Captain Smith, the lookout has spotted an ice berg dead ahead!”

“Very good, Mister Murdoch. Have the deck chairs rearranged immediately!”

“Aye, aye, sir.”

If we don’t cut spending, then 999 will become 20-20-20, then 30-30-30, then 50-50-50, and so on. Or, Perry’s flat tax won’t be 20%. It’ll be 40%. Then 60% And so on.

We’ve got to cut spending. But that’s hard. We can’t handle hard. Never have been able to.


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Oh. Well, maybe we were able to do hard things. Maybe we still are. If we only decided to.

But if the whiney tittie babies that are occupying Wall Street, or sitting in the cabinet, or sitting in the Oval Office were around earlier in our nation’s history, things would be different. And not good different.

“Go to the moon? Imperialist! I’ll make a movie about it. Now give me a sandwich. Extra mayo.” — An nameless Hollywood filmmaker.

“You’ve brought us into this war under false pretenses. Germany didn’t attack us. Japan did! And that’s because of our support for Jews! We need to bring our troops home now!” — An unnamed Texas Congressman.

“That’s just like an evil Republican president. Next he’ll be using troops to seize property from people. What? He suspended habias corpus? Somebody needs to take Lincoln out.” — An unnamed Democrat

“Look at those awful Tea Partiers! It’s not safe to visit Boston Harbor any more. I tell you, they’re going to get violent one day!” — An unnamed government worker

The whiners and complainers need to shut the hell up. And we need to make some hard choices. It will be difficult, and hurt at times. But, like exercise, that’s when you know it’s working.

But, until we quit rearranging the deck chairs, we’re going to crash head on into that ice berg. Then, folks won’t be talking about pulling the car out of the ditch; they’ll be trying to get the ship off the bottom of the ocean.