… In a more recent study, this one conducted by researchers at England’s Manchester University in 2005, scientists actually came up with a mathematical formula to calculate the extent of the “beer goggle” effect on a given individual in a given situation. Their reasoning for creating this formula is that alcohol is not really the only factor affecting the drunken perception of beauty. Other factors, according to their research, include:

• How brightly lit the area is
• The observer’s eye-sight quality
• The amount of smoke in the air
• The distance of the observer from the observed

The formula goes like this:

where:

• An is the number of servings of alcohol
• S is the smokiness of the area on a scale of 0 – 10
• L is the lighting level of the area, measured in candelas per square meter, in which 150 is normal room lightning
• Vo is Snellen visual acuity, in which 6/6 is normal and 6/12 is the lower limit at which someone is able to drive
• d is the distance between the observer and the observed, measured in meters [source: BBC News]

The formula works out a “beer goggle” score ranging from 1 to 100+. When ø = 1, the observer is perceiving the same degree of beauty he or she would perceive in a sober state. At 100+, everybody in the room is a perfect 10.

— Is There a Mathematical Formula for the ‘Beer Goggles’ Effect?

How Stuff Works | Julia Layton

They forgot a lot of stuff, like:

Let:

W = Willingness of the lady in question (Perhaps the largest variable here)

D = Desperation (Perhaps tied for the largest variable)

S(n) = Self-consciousness of Nerdiness (clothes, mannerisms, French Fry ketchup on tie, etc.)

M = Memory of previous similar escapades

$ = Realization you’ve already spent all your disposable income.  This will moot all other results.

F = Falsification factor: all studies should be falsifiable.  This category includes trannies, padded bras, hair dye, and other things I could mention.