We just need to create two Americas in two alternate universes: one for cons to run and one for libs. I call dibs on this universe.
In the other universe, Jrank F. writes serious, left-wing commentary and has a really patchy beard. He also has a daughter Cutterbup who is the ugliest child ever, and a wife KarahS who is nice and never nags.
In the other universe, a sincere but disheveled in appearance Ritt Momney is having trouble running against the eloquent Pick Rerry.
Herman Cain has hit the 9-9-9 point so hard that it’s exactly the same in both universes.
In the other universe, the only constants on the McDonald’s menu are the McRib sandwich and the Shamrock shake.
In the other universe, Qbama was too busy being productive in the private sector to ever run for office. Plus, he was born in Hawaii, which makes him a citizen of Japan and thus ineligible for the presidency.
My wife made me homemade cheesy biscuits! (gluten free)
Facebook Scrabble claimed that “tled” is a word. Google was unable to come up with what it means. Best guess is it’s what you are when you’re under the leadership of Mr. T, which makes it THE MOST AWESOME WORD EVER!
All these beards in baseball makes it hard to tell people apart.
“A MAN smoking a CIGARETTE?! My word! What a queer thing to see.”
SarahK was celebrating the Rangers win and then she suddenly took a puff of cigarette and blew the smoke at me. I was flabbergasted!
Are there other types of gasted you can be than the flabber kind?
After the smoking ad, Herman Cain has shot up on Intrade to having a 99% chance of winning the primary.
Somehow, I bet these postings are related to your new sci-fi novel.
On the other hand, you made me snort and then inhale some coffee. This is not good.
There are only two kinds of gasted: Flabber and tled.
Flabbergasted and nosegasted.
Flubbergasted – v. A state of disbelief that Disney would remake one of their previously released B movies as another B movie.
Fibbergasted – v. A sardonic display of incredulity regarding a statement by the SCOAMF that contains one or more statements that are demonstrably false.
Fattergasted – adj. 1. A thickening around one’s gast. 2. Looking as though wearing one of Michelle’s signature WWF Championship belts.
Does this mean we lost at Midway? Crap. I blame Nester Cimitz and Beorge Gush.
Scrabble didn’t allow tled until they got a visit from T. “OF COURSE IT’S A WORD–FOOL!”
Hippiegasted – that which is experienced when observing the the unwashed vagrants hanging around Wall Street.
@MarcoMancuso:
You’re close Marco – but as Orack Bbama will tell you (endlessly) it’s all Gush’s fault.
It’s not quite being gastered, but the United States has a President who is a snollygoster.
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/snollygoster
Iowa Jim, you could pretty much say that about any one of our politicians.
“a wife that never nags”… Uh oh!!! Someone is going to get kicked in the nads tonight!!! Tell Sarah that ussjimmycarter doesn’t mind the nagging…he just doesn’t listen! As long as his little woman does as she is told and dresses sexy and such at all times the nagging is ok with me…if you are looking to escape from your husband who obviously doesn’t appreciate you through that “nagging” comment!!! Don’t tell my wife I wrote this…geez, I’ll never hear the end of it…blah…blah…blah…
In the alternate universe, KarahS is unarmed.
I’m not sure about flabbergasted, but I was wondering about “overwhelmed” just the other day. I could be over- or under- whelmed, but could I just be “whelmed” as in (may it never be), “I was whelmed by Frank’s random thoughts.”
” . . . and a wife KarahS who is nice and never nags.” So in THIS universe, Buttercup will never, ever have a sibling.
“We can’t wait.” This promises to the biggest slogan disaster since Ted Kennedy tried to hammer George Bush One with the tag line “Where was Bush?!” in a convention speech, only to be answered by Republicans at their convention, wearing tee shirts responding “Home, dry, and in bed with his wife.” The IMAO Tee Shirt Babe needs to model a shirt saying, “January 20, 2013: We can’t wait!” If you can get her to stop nagging long enough to smile for the picture, that is . . .
In which alternate universe does everyone have Spock goatees ?
Maybe all of those baseball players are ALTERNATE UNIVERSE GUYS??!!!
In the other Universe, God stands around playing billiards with elementary particles. In this one, he plays Dice.
“and a wife KarahS who is nice and never nags.” Hope you and KarahS are happy cause i think the wife from this universe will slap the dookie out of you. I do marriage counseling and was one an athletic trainer so I can give you good advice and patch you up so you can last another couples of rounds before the TKO.
@EdthePastor: “I do marriage counseling and was one an athletic trainer so I can give you good advice …”
I think what Ed is trying to say is “wear a cup”.
“In the other universe, Jrank F. writes serious, left-wing commentary and has a really patchy beard. He also has a daughter Cutterbup who is the ugliest child ever, and a wife KarahS who is nice and never nags.”
But wouldn’t that mean that SarahK…oh…oh, wow…you are so screwed.
In the alternate universe people are gabberflasted.
In the other Universe, Cutterbup doesn’t play the piano for 10 seconds and then throw her arms up in the air with the touchdown sign. No wonder Frank wants this Universe in spite of some nagging.
KarahS is nice, but she has no sense of humor. It all balances out in the end.
Gluten free homemade cheesy biscuits? Light and fluffy in the other universe, I bet. Celiac, FJ?
The world is going gluten free, I tell you what! What’s up with all the gluten in them thar grain? I’m investing in rice and tapioca, I tell you what!
This year someone’s going to make a ton of loot on OWS Halloween costumes!
I think the Nazi’s tried out Joooooogasted in the 40’s. It sounds like some people in OWS want to try it again along with all the Mooooslims!