Archive of entries posted on 21st October 2011

Nuke the News: Frank J. Fan Club, Obama May Not By Eligible for Reelection, and the Illegal Declaration of Independence

Posted by on

* It seems kind of pretentious, but I made a fan page for myself on Facebook. You can like it and then follow my rising writing career through that new Facebook thing. I assume everyone is already following me on Twitter… where I’m HILARIOUS.

* Don’t know what to think about this Qdaffy thing other than that I hope killing dictators will be the cool new thing from Obama. “There can be only one!”

* Apparently, Steve Jobs told Obama that he was headed for a one-term presidency. So not only was Jobs a genius innovator who changed the face of technology in this world, but he also could make extremely obvious observations.

You know, Obama should really start wearing a black turtle neck all the time. Then, when he’s voted out of office, he can just declare that he was too cool for us.

* Of course, maybe Obama doesn’t want to run for reelection. Do you know who he put in charge of submitting the paperwork for him running for office? Joe Biden.

BIDEN: “Okay, here’s the paperwork.”

CLERK: “That’s a ham sandwich.”

BIDEN: “It can’t be. I had my lunch in one box and the paperwork in another, and I stopped and ate my lunch before coming here… wait the lunch was kind of dry.”

CLERK: “Well, I’m afraid we can’t put Obama on the ballot if all you have is a ham sandwich.”

BIDEN: “Don’t make me rape and murder you!”

* Pew Research did a survey on what’s the first word that comes to mind when the Republican candidate names are mentioned. For Perry, it’s “Texas”, for Herman Cain, it’s “9-9-9” (successful branding!), and for Romney, it’s “Mormon” — which is way better than the first word that comes to my mind. They also did a survey of the first words that came to mind when Obama was mentioned, but they couldn’t publish it because it was obscene.

* Hey it’s another half-billion loan of our tax money spent by Obama — this time to build electric cars in Finland. When Obama talks about the jobs he’s saved and created, is he talking America or worldwide? At least this company hasn’t gone out of business like Solyndra — and why would they; Finland has a very stable, non-Obama economy.

So, yeah, let’s give Obama hundreds of billions more to spend; he’s super smart with it.

* British and American lawyers had a debate in Philadelphia about whether the Declaration of Independence was legal. The British lawyers argued that secession was not the proper tool by which to settle internal arguments, and the Americans countered by shooting them with muskets.

Works every time.

Random Thoughts

Posted by on

The left are extremely racist because they don’t get called on it. The right is constantly wary of racism, but the left don’t have to worry. They’re for high taxes. They can’t be racist.

So what’s the chance of nice Christians now running Libya?

Remember when Obama vowed to kill Qdaffy if he was elected? He’s a man who keeps all his promises.

Herman Cain: “Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others.”

So the White House really isn’t going to stop Biden from going around threatening to rape people if the jobs bill isn’t passed?

Anyway, the point is, I want you to hear what I have to say, but I don’t want to hear what you have to say.

I still don’t get the point of Legos videogames. What’s next? “Playing Outside: The Videogame”.

The World Series is on again? But it was just on yesterday. I thought it came on once a year.

“But there is no joy in Mudville – mighty Casey was intentionally walked.”

So baseball is all about beards these days.

Watching the World Series just feels like a duty as a citizen. Like jury duty. I tried getting out of it.

I don’t care who wins or loses. The important things is there aren’t extra innings so I can go to bed.

I can’t not vote

Posted by on

There are still some people that don’t like any of the Republicans that are running. Or, at least, don’t like the ones polling the best.

Currently leading the pack is Atlanta businessman Herman Cain. He’s the guy who has no chance whatsoever, despite leading the polls. Some people don’t like him because he has no experience in politics, except for losing a Senate race (2nd in a 3-man primary). He’s too conservative for moderates. He’s too black (color) for some liberals and not black (racial stereotype) enough for other liberals. And he has too much testosterone for Sarah Palin or Michele Bachmann fans. He’s trending up.

Then there’s Mitt Romney, who everybody hates and the media and GOP establishment has declared the frontrunner, even though he currently polls in second place. Front-runner must not mean what I thought it meant. He’s too liberal for anyone who’s not a liberal. He’s trending neither up nor down.

Rick Perry was the great hope before he ran. Once he declared he was running, suddenly nobody liked him any more. His being a former Democrat hurts him with conservatives. Supporting some benefits for illegals hurts him too. After briefly leading the polls, he’s now third or fourth, depending on the poll. But he’s trending down.

There’s Newt Gingrich, who was written off months ago but is in 3rd or 4th place, depending on the poll, and trending up. He lead the conservative takeover of Congress back in the Clinton years, but committed the unforgivable sins of sitting on a couch with Nancy Pelosi and supporting a RINO over a TEA Party candidate in New York in 2010. Plus, he pisses people off by being smarter than them. I can relate.

Then there’s Ron Paul, who’s been nuts for years and keeps getting nuts following him. Including two children that share my DNA. Kids. What are you gonna do? Anyway, Ron Paul has really crazy followers who either take too much drugs or not enough medication. He’s got like 3 really good ideas and 800 really nutty ones. His followers focus on the 3 good ones when they argue, then slip up and tell you how evil Jews are and how the Twin Towers were blown up by George Bush. Like I said, crazy. He’s trending up.

Michele Bachmann is trending down. She’s like the hot chick you wanted to date, then while sitting in the restaurant, you realize that she talks to the silverware. She’s still hot, but you keep thinking she’s going to go all Glenn Close on you and you’ll find your rabbit in the kitchen.

Jon Huntsman is still hanging around because some libertarians — and a bunch of liberaltarians — like him. Probably because he thinks pot should be given out instead of condoms. Or something. I was never quite sure what he was saying. Philosophically, he’s what you get if you cross Ron Paul and Mitt Romney. Now, go get that image out of your head.

Sarah Palin and Chris Christie aren’t running this year, though they still have fans thinking they will.

Now, despite the things I listed about the candidates that different people don’t like, there are groups that like each of these candidates, and like them a lot. Way too much, for some.

There are some Ron Paul or Rick Perry or Sarah Palin or Michele Bachman fans that say they won’t vote for anyone but their candidate. They focus on the things about the candidates that they don’t like (can you count to 999?) and say how unqualified that makes that candidate.

“I’ll never vote for Newt Gingrich!” or “If they nominate Herman Cain, I won’t vote” or “RONPAUL!!!1!!!” or the like.

Honestly, there are things about each candidate that I don’t like. Been that way since the 1976 election, the first where I was old enough to vote.

There are some candidates I really like (though, like I said, not everything they say), some I like okay, and some that I really don’t like. But, come November 2012, I’m going to vote.

Over the last several months, and again Thursday, someone said to me that if the election came down to a certain candidate (rhymes with Sherman Payne) against Obama, he wouldn’t vote. Others have said something similar in the past.

I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t not vote.

You see, if we end up with a candidate that we don’t really like — I won’t name names, but say his name rhymes with Ritt Momney — I still can’t sit the election out.

Think about it. Who will vote for those candidates? People that really like them. What kind of people would really like Barack Obama or some polarizing Republican? You already think the people that support those candidates are nuts. Well, yeah, they might be. And they’ll vote.

I may have two crazy candidates from which to choose, but I would rather choose than let a bunch of crazies choose between the crazies. I’ll vote for the least worst, and I’m responsible if that candidate wins. Plus, I’ll know I did everything I could to prevent the most worst candidate from winning.

I can’t not vote. I may not like the final choices, but I’m not going to go off crying like a little tittie baby who got his toy took from him.

I can deal with it.