Nuke the News: Slouching Towards Romney, Economic Destruction, and the Value of Palestinians

* DEBATE!

I liked and actually did watch quite a bit of the debate. Once again, no one seemed to really take on what a slimy weasel Romney is and pin him down, and thus we’re continuing to this slow march to the inevitable Romney nomination – just trading a soulless inept politician for a soulless skilled politician. That probably means another eight years until we have a chance for some real reform to our government… and that’s if Romney is a one-termer.

Meh.

Still hoping Cain can get some more momentum. Not sure how much he impressed people repeating “9-9-9” over and over. I get that he’s trying to stay on message about jobs, but he needs a few other messages. Maybe some other big plans for like foreign policy such as “We need giant robots to step on our enemies. If there is one thing I’ve learned from running a pizza company, it’s that giant robots keep people in line.” Also, he needs to slap Romney around enough to mess up that hair of his. And looking at Romney’s hair, that could be a lot of slapping.

* Was Perry in that debate?

* Chris Christie endorsed Romney. So we have the guy known for straight talk on the budget endorsing the slimy weasel who demagogues on entitlement. I think this hurts Christie more than it helps Romney.

“Why Christie, it profits a man nothing to give his soul for the whole world… but for a box of Krispy Kremes?”

* So Obama is now accusing Republicans of purposely trying to destroy the economy. Isn’t that like accusing someone of damaging a car you just totaled? “See that tail light? I swear it was slightly less smashed up before the Republicans were let near it.”

The Democrats are going to have to try everything, because they don’t have any positive arguments for reelecting Obama.

Obama 2012: We got nothing.

* So we foiled an Iranian terror plot on U.S. soil… so are we going to do something about that? At some point, don’t we need to sit down with the Iranian government and say, “You people are bad. KABOOM!”?

I know we’re not looking for another war, but they actually did a terror plot in the U.S. Can’t whatever non-war thing we’re doing in Libya to no national interest we instead do in Iran? We don’t need to regime change or anything; we just need to be very consistent with the message that if you mess with us, it will be very painful. And you’ll get stepped on by giant robots.

* Israel is going to trade 1000 Palestinian prisoners to release one Israeli solider. This was the negotiated settlement, so by the Palestinians’ own math, one Israeli is worth 1000 Palestinians. Doesn’t that explain a lot? The Palestinians basically see themselves as cannon fodder. It often seems the Israelis place more value on Palestinians lives than the Palestinians do themselves, and you’re never going to find peace until the Palestinians see themselves as something more than worthless things to get blown up in an effort to murder others.

* Paul Krugman has explained why he’s not joining the Occupy Wall Street protests. He says it’s because he doesn’t want to appear to be an activist… which no one is dumb enough to think he isn’t. I think he’s just afraid to be out in public because he knows there is a kill order out on his beard.

* Did you know that Glenn Reynolds has a British cousin who works as a TV chef?

* Wisdom of the Day: “The indentations on his knuckles said he liked punching kids with braces. ‘You’re hired,’ I said. ‘We need men like you here at Del Taco.'” –Joshua Allen

* Buttercup loves pumpkins!

Random Thoughts

You don’t endorse Romney. He’s just there in case no one else works out.

Look behind Christie; four dozen Krispy Kremes! His endorsement was bought!

If Obama is right and the GOP is trying to destroy the economy, how could we tell over Obama’s own efforts?

“See that car I totalled? Well, the GOP just came over and broke the tail light.”

If the GOP really wanted to destroy the economy before the election, wouldn’t they just give in to all of Obama’s demands?

Somehow I don’t share Ron Paul’s faith that shiny metals will solve everything.

I think I want to write a post-apocalyptic scifi novel where Ron Paul is the world’s most powerful warlord.

I like how Romney clarified which planet he’d make us the strongest nation on. Wish Ron Paul would do that.

So, by Palestine’s own math, one Israeli is worth 1000 Palestinians. That explains a lot.

I don’t think I can be objective on Cain; I want him to do well. Just really don’t want to be stuck with Romney.

Perry still seemed kind of tired. He didn’t take his own advice to save a pretzel for the gas jets.

That was a nice practice debate. I think they’re prepared now for a debate on a real network.

“Going to rebuild this forest with my pine-pine-pine plan.”

“Going to draw a triangle using my line-line-line plan.”

“Going to keep from sharing my french fries using my ‘Mine! Mine! Mine!’ plan.”

Occupy Wall Street is currently implementing the “whine whine whine” plan.

Problem with writing humor columns is that they get bumped for more serious ones. Who cares about serious stuff?

My current writer status is “hack”. My goal is to eventually reach “expensive hack”.

“How can I be sure you’ll take good care of my wingtips?” “That’s because I’m going to implement the shine-shine-shine plan.”

“Glad this debate is over. Now it’s time to get drunk using my wine-wine-wine plan.”

I liked the first Matrix movie, but it wasn’t good enough to justify ruining all other action movies forever after.

“I will compliment this woman’s figure using my ‘Fine fine fine’ plan.”

After the debate, someone suggested to Cain that 9-10-8 would work better. Cain broke a chair over the man’s head.