European scientist have created a bunch of antihydrogen to allow them to test some physics theories. Now, you might think that antihydrogen would make your voice lower if inhaled from an antiballoon, but actually, if physic theories hold up, antihydrogen should act just like regular hydrogen. So, you’d then think the experiment to test whether our physics theories hold up is for one of the scientists to inhales the antihydrogen and then see if he can make the other scientists laugh by saying, “Waaaaaaaaaasup!” The problem with that is that antimatter doesn’t get along well with regular matter, and thus the scientist’s head would explode (plus, the whole “wassup” thing is pretty tired now and not likely to cause laughs even when aided by helium). Though sudden explosions of the head might make the other scientists chuckle if they are mad scientists, it wouldn’t prove anything we don’t already know. What they would need is an antiscientist to inhale the antihydrogen and then try to talk in an high-pitch antivoice. But the antiscientist would explode in a regular lab, so we’d need an antilab to house him. But there aren’t any antilabs, because it looks like there is only regular old matter in the universe. This is a strange asymmetrical quality to the universe, and my theory is that early on there was a big matter war and our matter won out because it is much more superior to that other stupid matter. I don’t have any evidence to back up this theory, but I do have drawings of what I think the laser guns they used looks like.

Anyway, I have a better idea for the antihydrogen than proving physics (I gave up on physics after I heard about that quantum crap; I don’t care if it’s true – it’s stupid). First, let’s steal it from Europe; I don’t like them having things we don’t. Then, we can put it in a regular looking balloon with a special magnetized field to contain it. Next, we find a dictator that likes to entertain his guests by inhaling helium from balloons and imitating Mickey Mouse (I think Castro is one). Finally, we replace one of his balloons with our balloon of death, and, then, when he inhales the contents, BOOM!! And no one will ever believe we replaced one of his balloons with one filled with antihydrogen because that’s just too convoluted a plan. It’s perfect!

UPDATE: Whoops. In my zeal, I didn’t realize I was talking about hydrogen and not helium. I’m not sure how that could have happened (actually, it was probably something like the Moses effect), but I blame communists. So, will inhaling hydrogen also make one’s voice high-pitch, or is my plan shot (kids, do not find this out by trying to inhale hydrogen… especially if you plan on having a smoke afterwards)? I guess the plan could be saved by taking the antihydrogen to an antisun so that it would use its antifusion to make antihelium, but now this is almost getting to be a little too complicated.