This is so horrible, it’s funny. And is what he mentions at the end really how the Jewish excommunicate each other?

I now must declare that a new country has won the title of the biggest weenie in all the world. France had held that title for pretty much all of the last century, but, when Gerhard Schroeder’s justice minister, Herta Daeubler-Gmelin, compared Bush to Hitler, Germany has unseated France in a stunning upset. Some saw it coming, though, when Germany actually started out-doving France on the Iraq issue, but, personally, I’m still in shock of my own announcement. I don’t know how I’ll tell my father who taught me to hate the French that now I can’t waste time on French jokes when the Germans are in much more need of derision. Those who were formerly violent nazis trying to take over the world will now do anything to keep from lifting a hand to help it, and now I must toss out my French jokes in search of new German ones. It’s a brave new world out there, and there are now new cowards to whine and pester us.

Now that Iraq wants inspections, suddenly North Korea wants them too. It the remaining member of the axis of evil, Iran, asks for them, then you know they’re plotting something. I say go with the inspections, but be real cautious. Keep those jets fueled and waiting. If anything starts to look out of place, if the people there start giving the inspectors funny looks, or if something smells funny, then immediately take those countries out. As my pappy always told me about North Korea, Iran, and Iraq, don’t trust commies, Islamic crazies, or anyone with a big bushy mustache.

I’ve decided to begin compiling all my beliefs into one file so it will be easier for people to know what to think. My first three topics are guns, drug legalization, and the circumference of the earth. I will eventually try and cover all the big topics, but any suggestions would be appreciated (if Haloscan isn’t being fussy).

NOTE: Opinions are not up for argument. If you disagree with any of them, just accept that you are wrong. You’ll be stronger for it.

UPDATE: Doug Murray of Cracker Commentary has this to say about my circumference of the earth measurement:

“Your three mile discrepancy is easy to understand; I saw it often when I was in accounting.

“You number is obviously more recent, so you probably used more advanced equipment, say, Tape Measure 9.08, and needed only a single measurement. Your predecessors would have had more primitive gear and needed to add up several readings. In doing so, someone might have fat-fingered a digit one row too high (e.g. 6 for 3) resulting in this all too common error.

“Of course, there is the possibility, since most materials shrink as they cool, that both readings are correct and you have just disproved global warming.”

He sounds like he knows what’s he’s talking about, so I must have disproved global warming. How do I get money for that?

You may have noticed there are no comments anymore. This is because I decided I don’t like to hear what any of you have to say. Incidentally, this change of heart coincides with Haloscan being down. If I once again change my opinion on comments with correspondence to the Haloscan servers functioning, you will be updated.

UPDATE: I’ve decided I want to hear what people have to say again. Please do not comment on this post, though.