Violent crime dropped by 9 percent last year, marking the lowest level since the government first started surveying victims. People are saying the decrease is from a strong economy and tougher sentencing, but I bet it’s our good ole friend guns. The article mentions that car theft actually rose by 7 percent, which means criminals are switching to victims they know can’t shoot them (unless it’s the Bond car). This is expected, because all criminals throughout history, from the violent thugs of today to the first caveman who jacked someone else’s wheels, dislike being shot by a .45 automatic. It’s an extremely unpleasant phenomenon, and its harsh symptoms are well known:

sharp pain
dizziness
blood loss
loss of bladder control
sudden weight loss
heart failure
heart explosion
loss of stomach contents through vomiting
*loss of stomach contents through new hole in the abdomen

A .45 automatic does have the good affect of instantly turning a violent criminal into someone quite law abiding, except, perhaps, for their new reckless disregard of loitering laws.