War is a Terrible and Profitable Thing…

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I have started to compile a list of compatriots in the blog war. It is the list right under my regular blogroll. If I have forgotten you, or, if I mistakenly added you when you wish to remain a slave, e-mail me with the subject “WAR!!!”. Remember: The time to choose sides is now. Don’t think you can wait until after we start seeing success and then come strolling on into our alliance.
First off, as said before, we need a name, and a good one. We want the name of our alliance of bloggers to be what people and the media first think of when they hear the word blog. Here is my suggestion for the name of our alliance of bloggers: The Blogger Alliance.
Discuss it in the comments, but we need a name soon and then a banner for all our pages to display. It should link to a central headquarters where all the alliance names are kept, both those with blogs and those without. Are there any volunteers to make this headquarters, which should start now as a single page? It should be real fancy and professional looking.
I know what is on your minds right now: How do we attack this giant foe? I think us delinking him would accomplish nothing, as the roots of his power comes from his influence from outside the blogosphere. Anyway, we need to keep tabs on him. I think no one in the Alliance should link to him as “Instapundit”, though, and instead choose some other name such as “The Enemy”, “Puppy Blender”, etc.
How we attack is to grab media influence. We need to let the world know there is a blogosphere, a new order in this world, and that there is a war for it. We need the press to hear of the crimes of Glenn Reynolds and know that we, the Alliance, stand for good. Thus, our first plotting must be how to get media attention to our cause. I have my own ideas, but more suggestions are certainly needed.
Here are a few things I need to mention:
* For now, I am leader. Later, that can be decided democratically, but not while in war. I should be known as Frank or Frank J. Any defamation of my name is a defamation of our Alliance and thus of our cause and thus freedom and liberty in general. If you stand for oppression, for dictatorships ruling in Iran and North Korea and the like, then go ahead and call me “Frnak” or “Monkey-boy”. We know where you stand.
* Since we are the real order of the blogging world, I hereby decree that Glenn (not Reynolds) of Hi. I’m Black! will no longer be known as Glenn (not Reynolds). Instead, he will just be known as Glenn. Glenn Reynolds will from now on be known as the Enemy, the puppy blender, or White Glenn.
* It is important that all members of the Alliance bring something unique, thus I wish for each blog to think of its specialty in commentary. This should be listed with the name of each blog in the Alliance headquarters.
* Some fool named Jennifer who, by a majority vote, smells like a monkey (and probably looks like one too, but I don’t have a poll for that), is trying to declare war against me. This only serves the Enemy. I extend an olive branch, though, as there is still time to choose the appropriate side before you are destroyed.
That’s just a few things to start with. The important things to remember for today are that we need to decide on a name, we need someone to make our web headquarters, we need a banner for all blogs in the Alliance to display, and we need to strategize ways to get media attention. I want everyone in the civilized world to know that there is a blogosphere, that it is the new order, and that we are its rulers.
Instapundo Delenda Est!

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  5. I’m in Ohio, which is kind of by Canada, but since it’s in America it’s automaticly cooler.
    Anyway…I’m in and totally loyal to Frank. The sweetest, cutest blended puppyshake in the world couldn’t shake that bond.
    What if someone were to send a virus or worm through all of IMAO’s enemies’ sites? Is this “foul play” or all good? It’s kind of like biological warfare online, is that acceptable?
    And what about when White Glenn is brought to his knees? What kind of treaty will we force him to sign? What’s more humiliating then unconditional surrender…because Whitey needs to do that.
    Tim E

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  6. Good God Man! Canadians in the War!! Hell no! Do you really think it was just a coincidence that the NY Blackout started in Canada? Think about it Frank…some “Alex” guy just casually drops by IMAO and “suddenly” wants to join…meanwhile hours earlier the entire NE blacks out…coincidence?…I think not! That man is definatly on the evil Glenn’s payroll…hell, evil Glenn probably started this whole blackout thing to begin with in order to garner more hits to his blog! Indeed?…I find it very strange that evil Glenn had the first reports from the blackout posted a mere 2 minutes after it began…exactly how far does this conspiracy go Frank? Are you all willy nilly to let unknown Canadians in from mere comments when they could very well be spies sent in to unsurp us from evil Glenn?!!?? Yes, Frank, this is a day that will live in infamy…the day Evil Glenn began the NE blackout in order to crush the rebellion!!!
    I hereby announce my candidacy as Herr Elephant, Director of Intelligence…

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  10. Wars are expensive. You need someone to print up mountains of worthless, inflationary, fiat currency (or “Bad Money”, as it were). Appoint me Secretary of the Treasury, and I’ll see if I can find something appropriate.
    NOVUS ORDO SECLORUM

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  11. The Blog War

    I’ve decided to join Frank J.’s blog war and support the anti-puppy-blender cause. It is a noble and glorious cause, ending the foul tyranny of evil puppy-blending influence on the blogosphere. Total defeat and surrender are the only terms we…

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  12. “Don’t be ridiculous, Monkey-Boy. I have an alliance, a cool name for the alliance, and cool logos courtesy of Mookie. I invite you to see them here. I’m not throwing it all away to join you.
    Our terms will be forthcoming if you want to surrender.”
    Hah! That couldn’t scare a Frenchman! How about ‘Axis of Nought’ instead?!
    Also, ‘naughty’ is an adjective, not a noun.
    Anyway, as a tribute to Frank J.’s blogging capabilities and his heroism in fighting the evil that is Liberal Assclown, I made IMAo my home page (on Internet Explorer).
    BTW, “The Bloggers’ Alliance” sounds too simple. How about “Coalition Of The Willing Blogs”?

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  13. To business then!
    1) We should all thank Frank for linking to us on his site. We certainly are not worthy of such recognition – however, we are part of the “Insert cool name here.”
    2) I hereby declare myself “Re-insert cool name here” Secretary of Death. No, not war – I’m not worthy of such a title. The Secretary Of War can be incharge of leading our foe’s to their death – I simply oversee the execution. So perhaps – YES.
    I AM THE EXECUTIONER! So let it be written – so let it be done.
    -Jeff

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  15. Citizens of the Blogosphere, be not led astray by the fair-seeming message of Frnak the Destroyer. Long we have lived in the shadow of Instapundit, and the Blogosphere has flourished. Let not the piteous whining of a power-hungry fool close your eyes to the wondrous deeds of the Instapundit. He causes NYT editors to resign; he links to blogs near and far.
    Plus he basically pulls in a paycheck to sit at his computer and blog, don’t you think that’s a better model than the whole work-and-get-money thing Frnak espouses?
    Come, leave this Dark Side of the blogosphere, so bitter, so cold. Join us, the Axis of Evil Naughty here. Or do you not think that this Frnak would not turn on his supporters if he gained the Black Throne?

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  24. Okay, a “happy name the media will like”…hmmm.
    Blogger’s Liberation Army (BLA)
    Free Blogger’s Alliance (FBA)
    Republican Army of Free Blogging (RAFB)
    Blogosphere Freedom Army (BFA)
    Thats what I got…needs some tweaking, though.

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  25. How about “Freedom Avenging Bloggers”? There is no way that the Big Media can resist writing stories about a bunch of FAGs.I also wish to note for the record that my references to The Leader as “Frankie” uses the nomenclature as a term of endearment, not defamation. It is an homage to The Frankie, he of melodious entertainment and chump-punching. Plus, I think he killed a monkey once.

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  26. I mentioned this earlier, but here goes:
    Pundits for Puppies, Piranhas (piranhas are monkey’s only other natural predator not named Frank J; plus, we can put lasers on their heads and feed The Dark One to them after we [Ahnold voice] crush him like a little girl [/Ahnold voice], and Peace (if we’re for peace, we get to Nuke the Moon when we’re done, too!)
    So: Pundits for Puppies, Piranha, and Peace.
    You could make a sweet photoshop logo, too — something with four interlocking P’s set at right angles to one another around a central point against a background of the moon being nuked — you could even have little hippies impaled upon the stem of each P.

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  29. Call ‘our’ side Gog. They will hopefully call theirs Magog. That way we can speed up armageddon.
    Alternatively, if you aren’t eager to issue in the end of the world. But still want the revelational feel. Blog vs MaBlog should suffice.

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