Jay Solo is having a vote of which actors you’d most like to see be governor. I vote for Bruce Willis (after he gets something past the legislators, he can say, “Yippee ki yi yay, motherf–kers!), Mel Gibson (more Catholic than the pope), and Clint Eastwood (he’s just badass).
A story of armadillo hunting. As soon as I passed the “Welcome to Florida” sign when moving here, I saw my very first dead armadillo. I was like, “Wow! Exotic road kill!” Looked like a chunky lizard.
Kim du Toit doesn’t want people having guns and wants the ATF to keep close tabs on the guns out there.
Michelle is having an Ashcroft t-shirt design contest. Yay! Why is everyone so scared of Ashcroft? I am going to have to work him into an In My World™ post one of these days.
Speaking of In My World™ posts, the one I’ve written for tomorrow had me cracking up. My humor is not always in tune with my readers (you often latch on to things I didn’t think were money lines) but hopefully you’ll enjoy this next one as much as I enjoyed writing it.
Archive of entries posted on 12th August 2003
WAR!!!
Apparently Glenn (not Reynolds) has been declaring war on me for a while and no one told me. We really need some formalized way for blogs to declare war on each other, as there are far too many blogs our there, and some need to be crushed to make way for others. As Emperor Misha I’s Imperial Secretary of War, I will take it upon myself to organize war between blogs. In the future, if you wish to declare war against a blog, e-mail me with the subject “WAR!!!” and I will take care of the formal announcements.
As for Glenn (not Reynolds), I don’t know why he declared war on me. Was it because I looked at him funny? Was it because a while back I ranted on about how I hate black people? Anyway, his terms are ludicrous. He expects to get link from Instapundit, have me surrender to him, then join up with me. Instead, I offer that he join up with me now to destroy the puppy blender and I will give him a permalink. I will not move on those terms, for I am Frank J., and all shall fear me.
So, in the future, if you wish to declare war on me or some other blog, e-mail the declaration to me. Let’s keep this formal.
SallyVee Answers: Gun Signs
Frank Answers: Monkey Shortage and Nuclear Power
SallyVee Answers
Mitchell G., MD from Saint Cloud, Minnesota writes:
As you may or may not know, Minnesota recently passed a concealed carry law. All law-abiding citizens are issued permits now. But…
I hope you can help me. I’m a physician in a group practice, and a couple of my partners and our administrators are pushing having one of those “Guns not welcome” signs in the window of our office. I know all the arguments against them, and have expressed them, but I’m getting nowhere, and it’s making me sick. I sense that my partners are going to outvote me and a few like-minded friends. So I sold out, figuring that half a loaf was better than none: I proposed coming up with wording that would express the desire that guns not be allowed, and yet with a disclaimer. I prefer the one at www.gunfreezones.com but I don’t think they’ll go for it!
I am thinking of something along the lines of this, but more succinct and well-put that I have been able to come up with yet: “Although we respect the 2nd amendment, please leave your firearm in your car.” Have you ever heard of a sign expressing the same sentiments? Any ideas?
Mitch: This is ludicrous, which should become evident to even the dumbest of dumbasses as you try to write the stupid sign. How are you going to enforce the request, btw? You gonna have the nurses pat everyone down–could get interesting and may help with client retention.
That said, how ’bout this for your sign: THANK YOU FOR NOT SHOOTING
Frank Answers
Jonag from Chandler, Arizona writes:
I just read in the paper that there is now a shortage of lab monkeys to use for experiments. Why do you think that is? Did you have anything to do with it?
I’ve had nothing to do with at no one has presented any evidence otherwise. I would say, though, that a sudden dissapearance of monkeys is cause for concern. Most likely that means they are doing their final plotting for a strike against us. Make sure to stock up on shotgun shells and anti-monkey spray.
Curtis from the backwoods asks:
Why do we have to go steal oil? Why not just power everything with nuclear reactions?
Yeah, power everything with nuclear reactions; that’s a great idea! Then, when we have a car wreck, it will take out half the state. Plus, when everyone slows down to look at the wreck, they’ll get radiated (you have to at least be going 65mph to outrun radiation).
Please keep the questions coming, <a href=”mailto:THISISSPAMTHISISSPAMace you’re from, I’ll randomly select one.
Bite-Sized Wisdom: Schwarzenegger (sp?), Punches and Headbutts, and People Don’t Kill People; My New Gun Design Will
When I was a kid, we never heard of ADD. Anyway, my mind tends to jump from subject to subject at a pretty quick pace, and I’ve decided to go with it and comment on whatever pops into mind.
* I’m actually a bit conflicted about this California recall election. I do want a Republican Governor, but the whole recall concept seems wrong when they just reelected Gray Davis not that long ago. Hey, jackasses, you’re stuck with him! Then again, I guess it’s easy for me to be principled when I don’t have to live in California. And, I am an uber-partisan, so I probably would end up helping in any skullduggery to get more people with R’s next to their name in office. Well, I’m just glad Arnold entering the race has knocked the Kobe Bryant thing out of the news. I didn’t give a rats ass about that; it didn’t involve Republicans or Democrats or Iraq or anything.
* A bunch of people sent me this article, and no, I did not kill all the rhesus monkeys. And, if I did, where is your proof?
* You hear about problems in Liberia and then problems in the Congo and then they’re always asking on T.V. for money to help feed all the starving people in Africa. Have you ever heard of people say, “Wow, what that place in Africa is a great place to live!” No, you haven’t. Africa is just a bad; everyone should just get out. Leave it all to the monkeys and lions.
* I forget if I have said it on my webpage, but Dennis Kucinich is a total nut. I wish he was doing better in the polls.
* My prediction for the election is that Howard Dean will be the Democrat candidate and then, before the election, the economy will improve and WMD’s will be discovered. Bush wins the election 535 to 3, the 3 electoral voted being D.C.’s. They elect crack mayors, so there is no way a Republican could win in D.C. Whose bright idea was it to give them electoral votes in the first place?
* I like Fox News, but please drop the phrase “homicide bombings”. It’s just too idiotic. Why don’t you just call them what they are: “Islamic scum jackass bombings where at least the piece of s–t terrorist died too”. Not as succinct, but they can make it work.
* U.S. troops getting killing in Iraq really pisses me off, and I hope they can hunt down the bastards and fill them with holes. What I also hate is how all the peaceniks who were for Saddam still terrorizing his people are now acting like they care about American troops so they can condemn Bush. I think we should all be more on the ball about kicking them in the nuts.
* Arnold Schwarzenegger seems to be making the education of children a central part of his campaign. He then should get T.V. stations to rerun his move Kindergarten Cop. It has my all-time favorite Arnold line of, “It’s naught a too-mah!” He could use a variation of that as a campaign line. “Gray Davis is a too-mah!”
* We should have a Punch a Democrat Day. Less people will be Democrats if they find out it means they will get punched.
* The Unabomber wants the government to give him his bombs and books back. Alright. (lights fuse) “Here’s your bomb back.”
* There is a worm spreading on the internet that will target a Microsoft website. Microsoft is releasing a patch to prevent it, but, hey, what’s in it for us?
* I found out they sell a Paul Chen Zatoichi sword on Ebay. I think I should get one and practice my blind swordsmanship. That way if I get older and lose my eyesight, I can still kill bad people.
* I’ve decided to refuse to look up whether I’m spelling Schwarzenegger right. If I’m not, I’m sure you know whom I mean.
* If Arnold ever has to debate someone, I think in the middle he should headbutt the guy. Usually before the debate, advisors try to think of everything the opponent might say and then come up with a response. I don’t think they’ll expect the headbutt, though.
* I’m pretty sure I can always be happy in life as long as I enjoy eating at Taco Bell and drinking a Budweiser.
* According to Fox News, Fox News is suing Al Franken. Whatever happened to the good ‘ole days of just roughing someone up a bit?
* I only drink my coffee black; how unusual is that? I don’t understand the concept of putting sugar and cream in coffee; I want a cup of joe, not a damn milkshake.
* Living alone, it makes me sleep safer at night knowing I have my .45 at my bedside. It’s like a security blanket, but much easier to kill someone with. I also just got a security system installed. I’m still considering of whether to put out the ADT signs or just let it be a surprise to a burglar. Anyway, I now feel much better about leaving my guns all home alone. It’s not like a gun can defend itself… or maybe I could design one that knows to shoot an intruder. Hmm… is there anyway that could go horribly wrong? Nope, can’t think of anyway. I’m going to get working on the design.