When I was a kid, we never heard of ADD. Anyway, my mind tends to jump from subject to subject at a pretty quick pace, and I’ve decided to go with it and comment on whatever pops into mind.
* I’m actually a bit conflicted about this California recall election. I do want a Republican Governor, but the whole recall concept seems wrong when they just reelected Gray Davis not that long ago. Hey, jackasses, you’re stuck with him! Then again, I guess it’s easy for me to be principled when I don’t have to live in California. And, I am an uber-partisan, so I probably would end up helping in any skullduggery to get more people with R’s next to their name in office. Well, I’m just glad Arnold entering the race has knocked the Kobe Bryant thing out of the news. I didn’t give a rats ass about that; it didn’t involve Republicans or Democrats or Iraq or anything.
* A bunch of people sent me this article, and no, I did not kill all the rhesus monkeys. And, if I did, where is your proof?
* You hear about problems in Liberia and then problems in the Congo and then they’re always asking on T.V. for money to help feed all the starving people in Africa. Have you ever heard of people say, “Wow, what that place in Africa is a great place to live!” No, you haven’t. Africa is just a bad; everyone should just get out. Leave it all to the monkeys and lions.
* I forget if I have said it on my webpage, but Dennis Kucinich is a total nut. I wish he was doing better in the polls.
* My prediction for the election is that Howard Dean will be the Democrat candidate and then, before the election, the economy will improve and WMD’s will be discovered. Bush wins the election 535 to 3, the 3 electoral voted being D.C.’s. They elect crack mayors, so there is no way a Republican could win in D.C. Whose bright idea was it to give them electoral votes in the first place?
* I like Fox News, but please drop the phrase “homicide bombings”. It’s just too idiotic. Why don’t you just call them what they are: “Islamic scum jackass bombings where at least the piece of s–t terrorist died too”. Not as succinct, but they can make it work.
* U.S. troops getting killing in Iraq really pisses me off, and I hope they can hunt down the bastards and fill them with holes. What I also hate is how all the peaceniks who were for Saddam still terrorizing his people are now acting like they care about American troops so they can condemn Bush. I think we should all be more on the ball about kicking them in the nuts.
* Arnold Schwarzenegger seems to be making the education of children a central part of his campaign. He then should get T.V. stations to rerun his move Kindergarten Cop. It has my all-time favorite Arnold line of, “It’s naught a too-mah!” He could use a variation of that as a campaign line. “Gray Davis is a too-mah!”
* We should have a Punch a Democrat Day. Less people will be Democrats if they find out it means they will get punched.
* The Unabomber wants the government to give him his bombs and books back. Alright. (lights fuse) “Here’s your bomb back.”
* There is a worm spreading on the internet that will target a Microsoft website. Microsoft is releasing a patch to prevent it, but, hey, what’s in it for us?
* I found out they sell a Paul Chen Zatoichi sword on Ebay. I think I should get one and practice my blind swordsmanship. That way if I get older and lose my eyesight, I can still kill bad people.
* I’ve decided to refuse to look up whether I’m spelling Schwarzenegger right. If I’m not, I’m sure you know whom I mean.
* If Arnold ever has to debate someone, I think in the middle he should headbutt the guy. Usually before the debate, advisors try to think of everything the opponent might say and then come up with a response. I don’t think they’ll expect the headbutt, though.
* I’m pretty sure I can always be happy in life as long as I enjoy eating at Taco Bell and drinking a Budweiser.
* According to Fox News, Fox News is suing Al Franken. Whatever happened to the good ‘ole days of just roughing someone up a bit?
* I only drink my coffee black; how unusual is that? I don’t understand the concept of putting sugar and cream in coffee; I want a cup of joe, not a damn milkshake.
* Living alone, it makes me sleep safer at night knowing I have my .45 at my bedside. It’s like a security blanket, but much easier to kill someone with. I also just got a security system installed. I’m still considering of whether to put out the ADT signs or just let it be a surprise to a burglar. Anyway, I now feel much better about leaving my guns all home alone. It’s not like a gun can defend itself… or maybe I could design one that knows to shoot an intruder. Hmm… is there anyway that could go horribly wrong? Nope, can’t think of anyway. I’m going to get working on the design.
So how come CNN tells us that Microsoft has a patch on its website, but doesn’t link to the site? Coincidence? I think not….
BITS O’ FRANK
While Frank J isn’t retarded, he does have ADD, which they had never heard of when he was in his elite junior high getting 1570…
And how come your poll is still up? Should we vote again?
Good thinking with the new gun design. Just don’t be like the guy described here:
http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2002-27.html
I like this whole “random thoughts” type of posting. It makes my morning coffee “milkshake” time more enjoyable.
Jennifer,
There, I shut it down; are you happy?
LOL, you are evil. I’ll figure out a way to repay you, monkey-boy!
Why can’t every day be “Punch a Democrat Day?”
Frank,
Awesome post. ADD or not, I definitely enjoyed it. More like this one, please 🙂
roq
Frank, Drudge had the story a few weeks back of somebody punching Al Franken out at the White House Corespondent’s Dinner (I think that was the venue)and it apparently didn’t take.
About National Punch A Democrat Day, good idea. I’m getting old, though, can People over 55 use a tool? Speaking of punching, the first rule of punching is that you hit the soft parts with your hands. For the hard parts one should always use an implement. A nightstick works for me. I do hate the sound of those new aluminum nightsticks though. They go CLANK! instead of the THUD! of a good old-fashioned Rosewood. Plus, though expensive, there is nothing quite so satisfying as the feeling of accomplishment that one gets from actually breaking a nightstion a bad guy’s head.
Until they come up with a caffeine candy bar, I’m staying with milkshake coffee
Come on, your an engineer/guy lover and you just getting a “Security System” installed? Four Words: “Remote Controlled Robotic Gun”. Just don’t use WIFI, that’d be bad.
Ugh, Taco Bell. Say what you want about California, but at least we get decent Mexican food.
Wahoo! I got the first vote in on Frank’s new poll!
Frank,
You and Sports Guy (from ESPN.com and formerly Boston Sports Guy) need to get together and take over the world. No one could stop you because we’d all be laughing too hard. And, there’d really be no power sharing. You could be in charge as long as he got to run all of the TV programming.
Keep up the great work. I’ll have Taco Bell and a Bud for lunch for you and then punch one of Boulder’s many hippies…
Jennifer won’t find out that I voted she smells like a monkey because this is anonymous, right? … right?
Yeah, I’m willing to bet most of us reading Frank J. are ADD, or in my case, Adult ADD, according to “experts.” This just makes me laugh. Then cry. Then forget what the hell I was just thinking about.
Anyway, I prefer bouncing from pillar to post over the horrifying prospect of turning dull, apathetic, and perhaps vulnerable to Sharia law. Remember the Stepford Wives… they were all ADD too.
You’re spelling his name correctly, Frank.
It’s easy if you repeat this about 5000 times – ‘no T before the Z, one N and two Gs’.
Frank, I live in California and I would agree that we should be stuck with Davis. After all, we elected him to a second term(can you sense the but in this statement yet?) Here it is…BUT he lied to us about the state deficit during the campaign. Had the general population known the true situation there is no way that Bill Simon loses. He only lost by about 300k votes, and I believe it would have been a landslide in Simon’s favor had the population known how bad things really were.
That is the only reason I signed the recall petition
Frank, sometimes in your funniest moments you give us glimpses of your true genius. This one’s an example:
* U.S. troops getting killing in Iraq really pisses me off, and I hope they can hunt down the bastards and fill them with holes. What I also hate is how all the peaceniks who were for Saddam still terrorizing his people are now acting like they care about American troops so they can condemn Bush. I think we should all be more on the ball about kicking them in the nuts.
Every day IS “Punch A Democrat Day”.
ARMED RESPONSE signs on your front lawn and Rube Goldberg guns wired to shoot anyone approaching on sight.
Well it’s one way never to get any bills.
For the “full Elvis”, though, you also want to paint every room black and keep the shutters drawn.
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