Bite Sized Wisdom: French Demands, Anti-Semitism Out of Control, Bush in London, Our Kick-Ass Friends, Lamentations of a Chickenhawk, and Make Frank Famous
We’re hoping to have a new government in Iraq by June 2004, but France is demanding one by the end of the year. First they’re not only no help, but they work against us, and now they’re trying to make demands on how to handle the liberation they didn’t support. I know it’s unprecedented, but the U.S. should just bomb France for being a bunch of douche bags. Just fly over them and drop a couple bombs on them. It’ll shut them up, and probably be an important learning experience for them.
As I showed earlier, anti-Semitism is completely out of control since it’s now ever targeting Irish Catholics. What is it with those who hate Bush and hate liberating Iraq also hate Jews? I just love the irony of how they’re basically saying, “Bush is turning America into Nazi Germany… and it’s all because of the Joooos!”
They sure have a lot of security for Bush for his visit to London. If I were president, I wouldn’t have any security and instead just carry a .44 magnum with a scope. First protestor to get within shouting distance… POW! Those dimwits will scatter like rats. And it’s perfectly legal to kill people while in another country because their laws don’t apply to us.
Britain has been a great ally, by the way, as have many others. Italy has really shown what their made of by reacting to the cowardly attack against them with even more resolve. Who cares if we don’t have the whiniest nations on board with us; all the most kick ass nations are already helping us out. We should like get together later and take over the world; I think the world would be a lot better for it. We could call ourselves the “Axis of Allies” or maybe just the “Super Friends”.
Dean is attacking Gephardt, Dean saying how he, unlike Gephardt, didn’t want the Iraqis liberated and would not support money to help our troops and the poor Iraqis. Why has my opinion of Gephardt suddenly grown?
In monkey news, Indonesia farmers are having their crops destroyed by monkeys. Quote one farmer, “All my corn plants have been destroyed. I don’t dare do anything. If I throw stones to drive them away, the monkeys throw them back.” Of course, environmentalists are blaming this on illegal loggers as they always do. Sure, blame everyone except for the monkeys.
That Tom Tomorrow comic about chickenhawks made me be a bit introspective: am I a horrible chickenhawk? When the attack on 9/11 occurred, I thought that some big war was coming, and I informed my boss that, if they made the call for more recruits, I’d have to quit my job and join up. When that never happen, I considered doing the reserves or National Guard, but that takes like weeks of training and sounds hard. What I’d be willing to do, though, is use a week of my own vacation to do some quick training, fly over to the Middle East, and kill some terrorists. I don’t want to be the only person on the block not to kill any.
Actually, that might make a great tourist outing: terrorist safaris. Pay big bucks, and we help you hunt terrorists. Maybe we could even get Steve Irwin to help out:
“Those terrorist can be quite wily, and nothing pisses them off like implying that they’re homosexual. Just watch this. Hey! Omar! Who’s that next to you? Your boyfriend? Crikey! He’s trying to kill me now! Isn’t he beautiful?”
I really like the idea of setting the goal of me being rich and famous by the end of next year. I’m working on a couple things now, such as doing more rewrites on my novel and coming up with a book proposal based on humor from my site, but you people need to help to by coming up with other ideas for how I can achieve fame and money and helping me implement them. What I think could help me is growing the readership numbers on my site to give me more clout, thus I’m thinking of, instead of having a pledge drive, to have a readership drive. I’ll have more details on that as I think it up. I’ll also come up with an official name for the make Frank famous movement, and benefits for charter members for when I actually am rich and famous, such as, at book signings, you can go to the front of the line. Remember, if I get rich and famous enough, I could probably have Ted Rall disappeared. Think about it.
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“but you people need to help to by coming up with other ideas for how I can achieve fame and money”
Well, Frank, it’s easy…just send five people five dollars. They each send five dollars to people and send one back to you. Those 25 people send 5 dollars to five people and send one back to the original five and one to youthose 125 people send five dollars to five people and send one dollar to the previous people down the line. Those 625 people eacxh send you a dollar along with the others up the line. The way I figure it…you’re up roughly $655…now send five dollars to five other people…
might not make you famous…but you could buy that when you’re rich!
Frank, you hinted at something now you must go thru it. Terrorist Safaris sponsored by DoD and hosted by Steve Irwin. Hell, you could even have chomps the angriest dog as a blood hound and Buck the Marine holding up the trophies for tourist photos.
Maybe some Iraqui kids doing the Indiana Jones “mista, mista…show you were terrorist hides for 1 dollah”
When you are set up for the terrorist hunting excursions, it would be fun to give away a few promotional outings. Free trips could be aranged for whiny liberal types who could use a little more exposure to the real world. To help them fully understand teh terrorist culture, you couls dress them in native clothes before starting the rest of the hunt.
Frank J. has some Bite Sized Wisdom today. Here’s a bit for you: …the U.S. should just bomb France for being a bunch of douche bags. Just fly over them and drop a couple bombs on them. It’ll shut them
Famous? Hmmmm….maybe you could be in Paris Hilton’s next video or jump into Niagra Falls. Now the rich part….hmmmm? Try that Paris Hilton thing again I think she’s rich.
The French were plenty of help – they warned us against getting into an invasion based on no evidence (or, apparently, fact), which would then descend into our troops being shot at by Iraqis who don’t appreciated being occupied by a foreign power. Good advice from a good friend.
Hey didn’t we already bomb the French? Does Libya ring a bell? Reagan summed it up beatifully “Well I guess they were tired!” The French will never learn.
Frank, just publish a book of In My World’s. You already have plenty. Just organize ’em a little. Then you don’t have to write anything but an introduction thanking all the “little people” who read your website.
You do know that talking about having Ted Rall disappeared will only inflame his extreme paranoia and lead to more ravings from him…
…wait, that isn’t a bad thing. Objection withdrawn. 🙂
“…I still have ways of dealing with him…”
Hey, Frank, how about putting Michael Moore AND Ted Rall in the same room? After about 24 hours, Michael Moore will eat Ted Rall, then we can turn Cannibal Moore over to the authorities. Okay, who am I kidding, give Moore about 20 minutes without a cheeseburger and Ted would be ralled…
Terrorist Safaris… Do we get to pick and keep a gun from the U.S. armory? You know for a souvenir. I got dibs on the .50 cal rifle. Can we get an upgrade package and get a chance at bagging Ted Rall or some peace protesting hippies? Remebor 9/11.
I’m too lazy to actually go anywhere to kill terrorists, but I’m thinking that it would be a money-maker to import some terrorists and put them in specially fenced areas. Kind of like an exotics ranch. Just charge $2000 per kill and rake in the dough!
Gitmo is too far away, but it’s a good start. Huntsville, TX would be ideal. 😀
I can see it!
You put five dollars into the machine and you get to sit in the remote-control chamber for a cave roving robot that hunts terrorists. You don’t have to actually go any further than the arcade but you still get to kill terrorists. See if you can get high score today!
So you want to bomb France, because their endless pain-in-the-assery has gotten to you. Sort of like the Germans in 1800, 1870, 1914, 1939… So when the Germans next get pissed off with them, will you Americans this time stay out of it?
Ok, time once more for a kah-razy link fest, this time to promote the 2015 series hat some of our loyal fans should recognize. You can find links to the chapters below: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 3.5…
Now, if you’ll promise to dissapear both Ted Rall AND Michael Moore, I’ll actually pay real American money for a Charter Membership in the Make Frank Rich and Famous Club!
kinda sounds like a story I had to read in high school, where this crazy big game hunter lived on an island and waited for people to shipwreck. He would feed them well and give them 24 hours head start then go hunt them… I think it was called ‘the most dangerous game’ or something. random thought, yes… but it could work.
I don’t know how you people could mess this up, but the beautiful Elizabeth Shue was the one who developed Cold Fusion…in “the Saint”. It worked for Russia, it could work for us.
Let’s put her back to work.
Frank J:As I showed earlier, anti-Semitism is completely out of control since it’s now ever targeting Irish Catholics. What is it with those who hate Bush and hate liberating Iraq also hate Jews? I just love the irony of how…
I could say LOL but if I made that a habit here it would get really redundant quite fast. So, instead, holy monkey! I thought you made that quote up, then I read the article.
“but you people need to help to by coming up with other ideas for how I can achieve fame and money”
Well, Frank, it’s easy…just send five people five dollars. They each send five dollars to people and send one back to you. Those 25 people send 5 dollars to five people and send one back to the original five and one to youthose 125 people send five dollars to five people and send one dollar to the previous people down the line. Those 625 people eacxh send you a dollar along with the others up the line. The way I figure it…you’re up roughly $655…now send five dollars to five other people…
might not make you famous…but you could buy that when you’re rich!
In retrospect, that sounds like a lot of work (for $755…). Just go ahead and send your account info to that nice Nigerean fellow.
Frank, you hinted at something now you must go thru it. Terrorist Safaris sponsored by DoD and hosted by Steve Irwin. Hell, you could even have chomps the angriest dog as a blood hound and Buck the Marine holding up the trophies for tourist photos.
Maybe some Iraqui kids doing the Indiana Jones “mista, mista…show you were terrorist hides for 1 dollah”
“Remember, if I get rich and famous enough, I could probably have Ted Rall disappeared”
Best incentive yet to make Frank rich!
Instead of disappearing Rall, can we just maim him?
I was thinking about a Ted Rall pinata…”here kids, use my louisville slugger”…
France. spit I. Hate. France.
That Steve Irwin quote was a little beauty!
When you are set up for the terrorist hunting excursions, it would be fun to give away a few promotional outings. Free trips could be aranged for whiny liberal types who could use a little more exposure to the real world. To help them fully understand teh terrorist culture, you couls dress them in native clothes before starting the rest of the hunt.
We should just call ourselves the Justice League.
Tuesday Trot Through the Blogoshpere
Frank J. has some Bite Sized Wisdom today. Here’s a bit for you: …the U.S. should just bomb France for being a bunch of douche bags. Just fly over them and drop a couple bombs on them. It’ll shut them
Famous? Hmmmm….maybe you could be in Paris Hilton’s next video or jump into Niagra Falls. Now the rich part….hmmmm? Try that Paris Hilton thing again I think she’s rich.
The French were plenty of help – they warned us against getting into an invasion based on no evidence (or, apparently, fact), which would then descend into our troops being shot at by Iraqis who don’t appreciated being occupied by a foreign power. Good advice from a good friend.
How about a telethon? We could get Jerry Lewis to host it, then set him on fire while bashing around some French people.
Hey didn’t we already bomb the French? Does Libya ring a bell? Reagan summed it up beatifully “Well I guess they were tired!” The French will never learn.
Frank, just publish a book of In My World’s. You already have plenty. Just organize ’em a little. Then you don’t have to write anything but an introduction thanking all the “little people” who read your website.
You do know that talking about having Ted Rall disappeared will only inflame his extreme paranoia and lead to more ravings from him…
…wait, that isn’t a bad thing. Objection withdrawn. 🙂
Maybe we could bomb them WITH douchebags.
forget Ted Rall – I want Michael Moore disappeared…
That I’ll pay for. Where do I mail the check?
Michael Moore is too well known.
But I still have ways of dealing with him…
In monkey news, Indonesia farmers are having their crops destroyed by monkeys.
Lies…all lies!
“…I still have ways of dealing with him…”
Hey, Frank, how about putting Michael Moore AND Ted Rall in the same room? After about 24 hours, Michael Moore will eat Ted Rall, then we can turn Cannibal Moore over to the authorities. Okay, who am I kidding, give Moore about 20 minutes without a cheeseburger and Ted would be ralled…
Terrorist Safaris… Do we get to pick and keep a gun from the U.S. armory? You know for a souvenir. I got dibs on the .50 cal rifle. Can we get an upgrade package and get a chance at bagging Ted Rall or some peace protesting hippies? Remebor 9/11.
I’m too lazy to actually go anywhere to kill terrorists, but I’m thinking that it would be a money-maker to import some terrorists and put them in specially fenced areas. Kind of like an exotics ranch. Just charge $2000 per kill and rake in the dough!
Gitmo is too far away, but it’s a good start. Huntsville, TX would be ideal. 😀
I can see it!
You put five dollars into the machine and you get to sit in the remote-control chamber for a cave roving robot that hunts terrorists. You don’t have to actually go any further than the arcade but you still get to kill terrorists. See if you can get high score today!
So you want to bomb France, because their endless pain-in-the-assery has gotten to you. Sort of like the Germans in 1800, 1870, 1914, 1939… So when the Germans next get pissed off with them, will you Americans this time stay out of it?
You could invent cold fusion and then sell it to the oil companies. I bet they would pay top dollar. Or you could go on a game show.
Link Fest ’03
Ok, time once more for a kah-razy link fest, this time to promote the 2015 series hat some of our loyal fans should recognize. You can find links to the chapters below: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 3.5…
Ted Rall…wasn’t he the fellow with that cold fusion what-not?
Now, if you’ll promise to dissapear both Ted Rall AND Michael Moore, I’ll actually pay real American money for a Charter Membership in the Make Frank Rich and Famous Club!
kinda sounds like a story I had to read in high school, where this crazy big game hunter lived on an island and waited for people to shipwreck. He would feed them well and give them 24 hours head start then go hunt them… I think it was called ‘the most dangerous game’ or something. random thought, yes… but it could work.
well, i’ll be damned… apparently they made a movie of it… and Allahpundit mentioned it too.
link
I don’t know how you people could mess this up, but the beautiful Elizabeth Shue was the one who developed Cold Fusion…in “the Saint”. It worked for Russia, it could work for us.
Let’s put her back to work.
HAHAHAHAHAHA
Frank J:As I showed earlier, anti-Semitism is completely out of control since it’s now ever targeting Irish Catholics. What is it with those who hate Bush and hate liberating Iraq also hate Jews? I just love the irony of how…
Wow… This stuff would be hillarious if you were joking.
I could say LOL but if I made that a habit here it would get really redundant quite fast. So, instead, holy monkey! I thought you made that quote up, then I read the article.
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it..