[hat tip: Jimmy]
Left: This is your business.
Right: This is your business on government bailouts.
Any questions?
Archive of entries posted on June 2009
Dealing with Dave
Alaska Governor Sarah Palin should declare victory and stop the game. In the battle with David Letterman, she’s had her say. She’s ahead. If she ends the game now, she wins.
What former late-night comedian David Letterman — he used to be a comedian; now he just plays one on TV — said about her and her daughter (whichever one he thought he was talking about) was in bad taste. Everybody knows it.
Heck, even the National Organization of Women has criticized Letterman for what he said. The NOW doesn’t normally take sides with conservatives. And, true, they haven’t so much agreed with Governor Palin as they have come down against Dave.
I expect that Governor Palin will drop it now. If Letterman keeps it up, he looks worse and worse.
But what about the little people? You know? Me? You? That guy watching you from behind the bushes over there? What do we do?
There have been many suggestions. One I’ve heard a lot is … Boycott Dave!
That’s just silly. Me threatening to stop watching Letterman would be like me threatening to stop beating my head in with a brick; I can’t stop doing what I don’t do. And I suspect that’s true for many other conservatives.
Letterman was funny a long time ago. But, he’s not now. Well, not funny enough to stay up and watch. Not even funny enough to schedule on the TiVo. Red Eye is. Letterman isn’t.
Another thing people are suggesting is to petition CBS to fire Letterman.
To quote Hank Hill: “That’s just asinine!”
We are conservatives. We’re the grown-ups. We don’t do like the left does and demand that some so-called entertainer be fired. Don Imus has said a lot worse than “nappy-headed ‘ho’s,” but it was the left that demanded he be … and got him … fired over that little comment.
So, what do we do?
It’s simple.
To deal with an attention-whore, you ignore them.
So, ignore Letterman. Quit criticizing him.
He’s now a joke. And not in a good way. He’s a parody of what he used to be. He’s now a punch line.
So, if you mention him at all, there are a couple of ways to do it.
One is to refer to him in the past tense. Like, maybe: “Ah, Letterman. I remember him. He was funny a long time ago. Whatever happened to him?”
Another thing to do would be when someone cracks an unfunny (or even offensive) joke, say something like “Wow, you could write for Letterman” or “You’re a real David Letterman, there, you know.”
But don’t go out of your way. If possible, don’t mention him. Don’t talk about him. Don’t tweet about him. And, for goodness sakes, don’t blog about him. That would be a complete waste of space.
IMAO Top Blog
John Hawkins has his list of top conservative blogs, and IMAO is in the top ten. Where does IMAO rank on your list of top blogs? Don’t all say number one or you’ll look like suck ups. But don’t all say number two either. Please alternate saying IMAO is your first, second or third favorite blog.
By the way, this would be the perfect post to comment “FIRST!” on… though it would be more clever if the first commenter wrote “THIRTY-SECOND!”
Obama is so useless and ineffective as president that…
Letterman
I think it’s probably a good idea for a comedian to retire before he becomes a bitter old creep. So is Letterman what Carson would have become if he kept doing the Tonight Show? I doubt it, but maybe Letterman was always bitter and eventually the oldness made it more prominent. About the only funny thing Letterman could do on stage now is break his hip.
Jim Treacher tries to explain the controversy for pea-brained people who can’t understand it. You can’t actually teach decency, though, but you can shun.
Genre Switcheroo
The RiffTrax blog is having a contest to take a comedy and re-pitch it as a drama or vice versa. Here’s my entry:
In the spirit of TRAINSPOTTING, a tragic look at the effects of drug addiction. Two friends, Jesse Montgomery and Chester Greenburg, finally hit rock bottom, waking up one morning unable to remember the night before. They try to piece together what had happened, but their drug-addled minds are no longer able to discern reality from hallucination. They find themselves attacked by transsexuals and imprisoned by a sexually perverted farmer, but it’s never clear how much of it is simply in their confused heads. They descend into madness, eventually believing aliens are among them and that a Rubik’s cube they possess is the key to stopping them. Tying all their delusions together is the search for Jesse’s vehicle, symbolic of the elusive hope of an escape from the nightmare they’ve made themselves.
DUDE, WHERE’S MY CAR? stars Ashton Kutcher and Sean William Scott in their most tragic and terrifying rolls yet.
*SHUDDER*
Maybe my recent re-watching of Dirty Harry has skewed my judgment, so I’ll ask for a second opinion
Is it just me, or does this note have a sort of creepy, Amber-Alert vibe to it?
[10 seconds of appropriate theme music]
In my head, I keep hearing this note being read in the Scorpio Killer’s nervous, giggly voice.
Which reminds me – how long until Obama pays Rahm Emanuel to beat the crap out of him so that he can hold a press conference and blame it on Rush Limbaugh?
Oh, and normally I’d worry that comparing the President to a child-rapist/serial-killer would be crossing a line, but thanks to David Letterman, there ARE no more lines in political comedy. Or so I infer from the mainstream media’s reaction (or lack thereof) to what he said about Sarah Palin.
Random Thoughts
Capitalist Propaganda: “Tokyo Woes”
From 1945, one of a very-little-known series produced for the Navy featuring Mr. Hook, “Tokyo Woes”:
Lessons to take from this:
Part of fighting a war is mocking, belittling, and dehumanizing your enemy. Then you kill him. Assuming, of course, your goal is victory.
Someone who spreads enemy propaganda to Americans during a time of war is not a friend, even if they mix in peppy dance music with their lies.
Purchasing government debt (i.e. War Bonds) is ok if the money will be spent on killing people who threaten to destroy our nation.
Cash, fancy clothes and a spiffy new car are GOOD things to have, and not something to be cursed as the vices of a greedy, materialistic society.
Oh, and pretty girls have curves.
Obama sings the Beach Boys
Aruba, Jamaica, I really hope they take ya,
Bermuda, Bahama, do it for Obama
Palau or Montego, please take ’em now, Amigo
Jamaica
Off the Florida Keys
There’s this place Guantanamo
That’s where you used to go
When our troops captured you all.
Bodies in the sand,
Of your buddies would would raise a hand
Against our troops in the war
But you surrenedered and were taken then
To Guantanamo
[Chorus:]
Aruba, Jamaica, I really hope they take ya,
Bermuda, Bahama, do it for Obama
Palau or Montego, please take ’em now, Amigo
Ooh we’ve got to move you from Guantanamo,
We’ll close it fast
Without a plan, don’t you know,
Because we said that we would close
It down, Guantanamo.
Martinique, please take this terror sheik…
We’ll do it soon, you’ll see,
No later than January
By and by we’ll defy
The situation’s gravity.
Terrorists’ delight,
We’ll make it easy for them to fight.
That dreamy look in my eye,
Makes people wonder if I might be high
To close Guantanamo
[Chorus]
Aruba, Jamaica, I really hope they take ya,
Bermuda, Bahama, do it for Obama
Palau or Montego, please take ’em now, Amigo
From Guantanamo.
We’ll close it fast
Without a plan, don’t you know,
Because we’re going to close
It down, Guantanamo.
Port au Prince, don’t make me give more hints…
Everybody knows this little place Guantanamo
It’s where the worst of them go and kept away from us all
Down in Guantanamo
[Chorus]
Aruba, Jamaica, I really hope they take ya,
Bermuda, Bahama, do it for Obama
Palau or Montego, please take ’em now, Amigo
From Guantanamo.
We’ll close it fast
Without a plan, don’t you know,
Because we’re going to close
It down, Guantanamo.
Award!
Helen Thomas (via her shameless boy-toy FormerHostage) has honored IMAO with the “Zombie Helen (No Brains!) Worst Blogger Since Herbert Hoover Award” Award.
First, I’d like to congratulate Helen on bravely coming out of the closet on her status as an Undead-American. I mean, sure, it was kind of an open secret like Adam Lambert’s homosexuality or David Letterman’s fetish for airline stewardesses and their underage daughters, but still, we gotta give Helen the credit she’s due.
And double credit for admitting that she’s part of the shunned “no brains” community of re-animated corpses, who prefer to feast on the crunchy, empty skulls of Democrats, rather than the sweet, chewy brains of Republicans.
It’s a hard existence. Sorta like being a vegan in Texas.
As for Hoover being a bad blogger, well, in his defense, he didn’t have a Democrat president to make fun of like IMAO does.
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Everday Normal Republicans
Top Columnists
John Hawkins has named me one of the best columnists for 2009, and I think that might be the first time I’ve been called a columnist. Of course, if you use Maureen Dowd of the revered New York Times as your standard, I should have like eight Pulitzers by now.
Hateful
A hateful man made the news yesterday. You’ve read or heard about it, I’m sure.
This hateful old man — born prior to the U.S. entry into World War II — has, for years, spouted hate for others.
This hateful old man has a long history of criticizing Jews. If you search the Internet, you can find his rants.
This hateful old man is a racist, who has made statements that have inflamed relations between blacks and whites.
This hateful old man is a conspiracy nut. Despite serving in the U.S. Navy, this hateful old man now spouts anti-government rhetoric, and blames the U.S. for the events of 9/11.
This hateful old man was a strong critic of President George W. Bush and GOP presidential candidate John McCain. Admittedly, this doesn’t make him hateful, but it does show you something about his political leanings.
This hateful old man made the news recently. And my reaction was like many others that hear or read about him and people like him: “That darn Jeremiah Wright is at it again.”
Of course, his recent comments that made the news were pushed out of the forefront by the actions of another hateful old man: James Wenneker von Brunn, another pre-World War II anti-Semite, who served in the Navy, made inflammatory statements, opposed Bush and McCain, and is a conspiracy nut.
The difference between them is as stark as black and white. But no deeper than color. Beneath the color, there’s not a bit of difference.
That Vigilant Obama
Who said he couldn’t talk to Obama because of “them Jews”? No, not the Holocaust Museum shooter, it was Barack Obama’s pastor for twenty years, Jeremiah Wright. Now Obama is saying, “We must remain vigilant against anti-Semitism and prejudice in all its forms” and I keep thinking about how that speech would be better with Wright standing by his side.
OBAMA: “We must remain vigilant and look out for anti-Semites.”
WRIGHT: “If I had an aunt who was a Semite, I’d beat her with a baseball bat!”
OBAMA: “Oh, hi, reverend. I didn’t even notice you there. Did you want to say something about this tragedy.”
WRIGHT: “Yeah, why was that crazy cracker shooting up a museum? If he wanted to shoot Jews, he should have shot up a bank.”
OBAMA: “And is there any wisdom from the Bible that can help us in this occasion?”
WRIGHT: “Hell if I know. The CIA is trying to give me AIDS.”
OBAMA: (laughs) “You’re a cut-up, Jeremiah. I can no more disown you than I can the black community.”
If Obama really wants to unite people, maybe he can take those who want to kill Jews and blacks and those who want to kill Jews and whitey and get them to meet together and hash out their white/black difference on focus on just killing the Jews. He can get his buddy Ahmadinejad to help out.