Archive of entries posted on June 2009

Obama is so useless and ineffective as president that…

Posted by on

…he’s letting Iran drill for oil in ANWR.

Random Thoughts

Posted by on

Have any of you stopped to think that maybe we haven’t been giving Willow Palin enough critical scrutiny?

Since the Holocaust museum shooter was born in 1920, he has of history of hanging out with anti-Semites that’s even longer than Obama’s.

One day we’ll stop saying that Palin is the next Ronald Reagan. Instead, we’ll say Reagan was an early Palin.

Sometimes I don’t know who I’m making fun of… but I’m pretty sure I’m mocking someone.

Czar Czar Galore

Posted by on

The Obama Administration is not the first administration to appoint someone with broad powers to oversee a function. You know. A “czar.”

Previously, we’ve had Drug Czars, Energy Czars, and so on. But, Barack Obama has gone Czar crazy.

As best as I can tell, here are Obama’s czars:

  1. Af-Pak (Afghanistan-Pakistan) Czar: Richard Holbrooke
  2. Bailout Czar: Herb Allison
  3. Border Czar: Alan Bersin
  4. Car Czar: Steven Rattner
  5. Climate Czar: Todd Stern
  6. Cyber Security Czar: vacant
  7. Drug Czar: Gil Kerlikowske
  8. Economic Czar: vacant
  9. Energy Czar: Carol M. Browner
  10. Faith-based Czar: Joshua DuBois
  11. Great Lakes Cleanup Czar: Cameron Davis
  12. Green Jobs Czar: Van Jones
  13. Guantanamo Closure Czar: Daniel Fried
  14. Health Reform Czar: Nancy-Ann DeParle
  15. Health Infotech Czar: David Blumenthal
  16. Middle East Czar: George Mitchell
  17. Non-Proliferation (WMD) Czar: Gary Samore
  18. Pay (Compensation) Czar: Kenneth Feinberg
  19. Persian Gulf & Southwest Asia Czar: Dennis Ross
  20. Regulatory Czar: Cass Sunstein
  21. Science Czar: John Holdren
  22. Stimulus Accountability Czar: Earl Devaney
  23. Sudan Czar: Scott Gration
  24. TARP Czar: Elizabeth Warren
  25. Technology Czar: Vivek Kundra
  26. Terrorism Czar: John Brennan
  27. Urban Czar: Aldolfo Carrion, Jr.

There are more czars in the Obama Administration than there are in the Russian section of Hell.

Of course, Obama being a leftist and all, likes big government. So, there’s no surprise that he’s appointing folks left and … left … to oversee all kinds of topics. And, most of these don’t have any kind of Congressional oversight.

You’ve heard of Congressional oversight, haven’t you? Part of the whole “checks and balances” thing that the Constitution sets up. Keeps one branch of the government from getting bigger than the other branches.

On the other hand, maybe this is actually a good thing. I mean, Congress hasn’t done anything useful in years. When the Republicans controlled Congress for most of Bush’s terms, they acted like Democrats and spent your and my money like crazy. Only, not quite as bad as the current Congress.

The Supreme Court has been 4-1/2 to 4-1/2 for some time: four activist vs four Constitutionalists, with one in-between (Kennedy). The new Justice, whether Sotomayor (who’s qualified, except for having no qualifications) or whatever stark-raving liberal Obama nominates instead, will take a liberal’s spot, so it remains 4-1/2 to 4-1/2.

With neither of the other branches doing anything useful, why shouldn’t the Executive Branch increase its power?

Other than the fact that the Executive Branch is run by a bunch of big government socialists who think your money is there’s.

So, why stop at 25-30 czars? Why not appoint a bunch more:

  • Gaffe Czar: Joe Biden. Sure, he’s vice-president, but he’s already doing the job of Gaffe Czar; why not make it official?
  • News Czar: Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf. You knew him as “Baghdad Bob.” He’d fit right in with this Administration. And it would give Robert Gibbs a break from having to make up explanations for things all by himself.
  • Anti-semitism Czar: Jeremiah Wright. He’s already promoting anti-semitism as much as anyone is this country. This would give him a larger platform.
  • Fashion Czar: Michelle Obama. Remember Jackie Kennedy? Michelle Obama is equally qualified. Except for having poor taste in clothes. And men.

The list could go on and on.

It’s going to be an interesting four years.

Israel and the Robot Snake

Posted by on

Kinda sounds like the updated version of a Bible story. It does seem a bit unfair for Israel to be developing things like robot snakes when their enemies are basically cavemen who have access to guns and explosives. Israel will flood their enemy with their robot snakes, curling around and crushing terrorists, and Hamas will respond with its new hi-tech weapon its developed: A rock tied to a piece of string.

But what if Israel turns on us with its robot snakes? No worries. We’re busy making the T-1000 a reality. T-1000 beats robot snake any day.

Capitalist Propaganda: “Spies”

Posted by on

From 1943, one of a series of instructional cartoons made for the Army featuring Private SNAFU, “Spies”:


[YouTube direct link]

This one isn’t so much about praising the virtues of capitalism as it is a cautionary tale about having loose lips when your country’s at war. And while watching it, I couldn’t help thinking about Obama.

That One had no problem releasing memos on our interrogation techniques, and the left supported him, as they pooh-poohed it all as being “harmless” and chattering about “the American public has a right to know”.

Problem is, these folks forget all too easily that “the American public” aren’t the only ones paying attention. And maybe one piece of information won’t kill our troops en masse, but bits and pieces get added up. Why make our enemy’s job easier?

And for folks like you & me, well… if you’re in a public waiting room and there’s a swarthy-looking man in his 20’s or 30’s of Middle-Eastern descent sitting nearby, maybe it wouldn’t hurt to restrict your topic of conversation with your companions to the weather for a while.

Obama is so useless and ineffective as president that…

Posted by on

…every time Kim Jong Il tests a missile, Obama is scared into sending North Korea the federal government’s daily budget for lunch.

Matt Groening Sues Obama For Plagiarism

Posted by on

HOLLYWOOD (AP) – Simpsons creator Matt Groening has filed suit against Barack Obama in Federal court today, claiming that the President “substantially appropriated” material from the animated comedy series during a recent speech.

“D’oh!”

“This is an open-and-shut case,” said Groening. “When Sarah Palin gave a speech that repeatedly quoted Newt Gingrich and she only cited his article five times, the Huffington Post correctly concluded that she was a plagiarist. This means that the non-plagiarizing standard is SIX citations, and Obama fell short of that by at least six citations.”

The questionable Obama lines came as he criticized the irresponsible largesse of the Bush administration for creating America’s current financial crisis:

“The reckless fiscal policies of the past have left us in a very deep hole,” Obama said. “Digging our way out will take time and patience and tough choices.”

Groening claims that the quote was “unquestionably” lifted from the 1994 Simpsons episode “Homer the Vigilante“. During the episode’s closing scene, half the town of Springfield is stuck in the bottom of the hole they dug while searching for buried treasure, and the following conversation ensues

starts wrote:
:

OTTO THE BUS DRIVER: Hey, how are we gonna get out of here?

HOMER: [pause] We’ll DIG our way out! [grunts from effortful digging]

CHIEF WIGGUM: No, no… dig UP, stupid!

For his part, Obama denied that any plagiarism took place, saying, “Homer and I do trade ideas all the time, and you know he’s occasionally used lines of mine. Like that thing where he says ‘Why you little!…” and starts strangling Bart? He TOTALLY got that from watching me & Biden.”

[photo credit: SimpsonizeMe.com]

Random Thoughts

Posted by on

Today’s unpopular opinion I’m going to espouse: Too many people have health insurance. When I go to the doctor, too many people in the waiting room and I don’t care if any of them live or die. Take away their health insurance.

The perfect murder is to murder everyone. Then you’ll never get caught.

I don’t get why MS Word has both a “New File” and “Save” option. Shouldn’t it just be one option called “Create or Save”?

Great experiment for the International Space Station: Does Wii Sports work in zero gravity?

Ending of Lost: It was all Vincent’s dream. When dogs move legs and bark while sleeping, their dreams are more complicated than we thought.

I can’t believe my wife hasn’t learned the lesson that if you think something is a term for a sexual act DON’T google it to find the meaning. Never once have I ever felt like a more complete person to know exactly what one of those lewd sexual terms means. Then again, for the longest time I thought “spooning” was much more lewd than it actually is.

Moderate Extremists

Posted by on

I have a column up on Pajamas Media on moderates and how we need them and stuff and shouldn’t scare them and make them mad. If the GOP could just be less right wing and more inconsequential, it could easily succeed.

Award!

Posted by on

Marty of No Time For Recess has honored IMAO with the “This Blog Has Been Awarded The Bully In The Playground Award” Award.

I’m a little confused. Does Marty mean to suggest that IMAO goes stomping around, giving wedgies and Indian burns to all those weak, nerdy blogs with glasses & acne who think they’re so smart, then punching them and stealing their lunch money?

Or does he mean “Bully!” in the Teddy Roosevelt sense of the word, meaning that IMAO is the best thing to ever happen to the blogosphere?

Either way, he’s right.

FINE PRINT:

To join the exclusive club of blogs who honor IMAO and have your award featured on our sidebar with a link to your blog, make up a fancy award image honoring IMAO, blog about it, and drop a link in the comments.

Keep it PG-13, and if it doesn’t suck too terribly bad, your award will be duly noted in a post (Current estimated wait time – 3 Award posts), and placed in the sidebar with a link to your site.

As added incentive for people to honor IMAO with worthless, made-up awards, those who do so may proudly display this worthless, made-up Participant Ribbon:

If you don’t have a blog, then send your image to harvolson-at-gmail.com and include a link to one of your favorite IMAO posts.

For the Photoshop-impaired, here’s a guide to making mediocre fake pictures with Microsoft Paint

Or try the free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

IMPORTANT NOTE: Maximum sidebar image width is 190 pixels. Please make sure text is at least barely legible at that size.

Now get honoring!

Created or Saved

Posted by on

I’ve been a bit skeptical on how Obama keeps saying he’s “created or saved” different numbers of jobs, but the media seems credulous so I guess “created or saved” is a perfectly find formulation. Thus we might as well apply the phrase to lots of different things.

* I decided not to be bloodthirsty against common nuisances today and created or saved three squirrels.

* By not going to McDonalds, I created or saved two cheeseburgers and a large fry.

* Deciding against serial killing, i created or saved upwards of 33 people (I’m very smart and would not be easily caught).

* By proper use of braking on the way to work, I created or saved twelve automobiles.

* If Sotomayor were a little more careful, she could have created or saved one ankle.

* Cheney’s waterboarding terrorists created or saved thousands of Americans.

* By being a good dog, Rowdi created or saved the cat food.

* In the beginning, God created or saved the heavens and the earth.

* I slowed down in the school zone, creating or saving three children.

* Batman created or saved one city.

* By controlling my anger, I created or saved your face.

If only Bush had thought of the phrase. Then when people kept throwing out numbers of how many civilians were killed in Iraq he could respond with the number of Iraqis he created or saved.

Petition

Posted by on

Here’s an internet petition to free journalists Euna Lee and Laura Ling as there’s nothing a Communist dictator fears than an internet petition. Kim Jong Il never would have sentenced these women to hard labor on made up charges if he knew it would be unpopular with people on the internets.

I wonder if Obama has signed?

lolterizt! Part 83

Posted by on

This week terrorists, next week That One. Submit for either at lolterizt@gmail.com

Meanwhile, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.

NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.


[reference link]

From Peregrine John:

[reference link]

My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:

From Brian of Random Numbers:

From Chris:

From Michael:

From Mitch:

From Nathan:

From Rick of The Rabid Conservative:

From Shane of ShaneBlake.com:

From Steve:

[reference link]

From Warren:

This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with:

PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolterizt! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.

#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.

MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.

HAT TIP: Snapped Shot for handy links to ripe-for-captioning photos.

Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.

Capitalist Propaganda: “Capitalism”

Posted by on

From 1948, another educational short from Coronet, “Capitalism“:


[YouTube direct link]

While addressing the question “what is Capitalism?, these kids never reach today’s “obvious” conclusion that it’s a system for cheating the poor, exploiting indigenous peoples, and oppressing minorities.

Which, if you read some of the reviews at the first link, is this production’s major flaw.

But the question isn’t “who is unhappy under Capitalism?”, it’s “what IS Capitalism?”. This film is a good example of using a simple, concrete situation to give meaning to more abstract terms. It’s how learning is done properly – leftist pap like “there are no rights or wrongs, just arguments for and against” notwithstanding.

Sure, these happy, healthy, well-groomed children argue over Captalism like they’re arguing over “what is Christmas?”.

“It’s presents!”
“It’s a tree!”
“It’s cookies!”
“It’s family!”
“It’s pretty colored lights!”
“It’s a month of Christmas specials on TV every night!”

But they should discuss it like that, because under Capitalism, EVERY day is Christmas.

Just ask anyone who’s come to America from a place that didn’t have it.

15 Hottest Conservative Women in the New Media

Posted by on

John Hawkins has the winners of the fifteen hottest conservative women in the new media, and I was one of the judges. And just to let you know, don’t blame me for Mary Katharine Ham not making the list.

And isn’t the puppy blender’s wife like crazy hot compared to him? You usually only see that kind of disparity in beer commercials. He really must have made a pact with Satan.

No word on whether Hawkins will marry the winner.