If Jesus is the son of God, why has He never produced his long-form birth certificate as proof?
I guess it’s a cultural thing being horrified by someone torturing dogs, but I’m okay with being imperialist about my culture.
Obama could settle things by appointing a birth certificate czar.
Know who would be a great political commentator for MSNBC? Dane Cook.
I lost my birth certificate and asked CA for a new one. When I presented that, no believed it and they deported me to Kenya.
This week, That One. Next week, terrorists. Submit for either at lolterizt@gmail.com
Meanwhile, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.
NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.
From Brian:
[reference link]
From Ron Rockstar:
From Velvet Elvis
From Veeshir
Also from Veeshir:
My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:
From Biffkuo:
From DBrit:
Also from DBrit:
From dneff:
From GeorgeGuy of The Prophet of Neofederalism:
[reference link]
Also from GeorgeGuy of The Prophet of Neofederalism:
[Exodus 20:17]
From Greg W:
From Jared:
[reference link]
From NunyaB:
From Peregrine John:
[True: age of consent in France is 15, she’s 16]
This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with:
PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolbama! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.
#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.
MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.
STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.
Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.
…we are doomed!
Did you know the Andromeda Galaxy is predicted to collide with our galaxy in 2.5 billion years? No one told me this! That has to be disastrous! All the stars and other bodies will be thrown out of their regular obits! What the hell are we going to do?
I always thought we had 5 billion years to get off this planet before our sun dies. That hardly seems worthy of rushing. But instead we have 2.5 billions years to get out of this galaxy. Intergalactic travel? How can we manage that? And most of the nearest galaxies are satellites of the Milky Way or Andromeda. I assume they’re not safe either. We need a plan to get millions of light years away from here. And we need one yesterday.
Where the hell is the space program?!
If you drop a bowling ball and a tennis ball from the same height, which hits the ground first? The idea of the question is you’d assume the heavier object would fall faster, but as I was taught as a kid, they both hit at the same time. But now I’m thinking that doesn’t make any sense.
If I remember correctly, the two main variables affecting gravity are mass and distance. Since we’re holding distance constant with the bowling ball and the tennis ball, that means I’m supposed to believe that two objects with different masses have the same acceleration? Well, what would hit first: A bowling ball dropped from one meter on Earth or a bowling ball dropped from one meter on Mars? The bowling ball on earth obviously, as the increased mass of Earth versus Mars results in increased acceleration. Because mass matters.
It seems to me the fallacy of saying the bowling ball and the tennis ball fall at the same speed is thinking the mass of the Earth is so great compared to the two balls that you can discount their mass. But, scientifically, that can’t be true. The bowling ball being more massive is going to pull back on the earth more than the tennis ball and thus accelerate faster (or would the tug slow it down in any way?). It won’t be discernible to the human eye, but the bowling ball’s fall at least won’t be gravitationally the same as the tennis ball’s.
So, to whomever taught me objects all fall towards earth at the same rate regardless of mass, I am now formally calling shenanigans. That’s either wrong or requires much more of an explanation.
There has been a lot of focus lately on allegations that the president was not born in America. I mean, just look at his name; does that sound like the name of someone born in America? Still, the House passed a resolution yesterday 378 to 0 saying Obama was born in Hawaii (and that’s considered America?) and officials in Hawaii have come out again saying they have seen his original birth certificate (though I’m not sure we should trust Hawaiians).
Of course, IMAO a while ago found Obama’s real birth certificate, and he is quite obviously not eligible to be president. In fact, he’s probably more ineligible than the average person who isn’t eligible. Still, I plan to let this go. It would seem kinda wienery of us to make a big deal out of this when we did steal the last two elections.
I really wish I could compare Obama to a monkey same as I do any other liberal. I guess the ones to be angry at there are white racists. Racists ruin everything. In fact, I hate racism so much now I’m going to go scream at cops.
In Gates’s defense, if it’s an arrestable crime to be an arrogant douche, then our nation’s jails would be filled with college professors.
When Benedict XVI writes an autobiography, he should call it “The Audacity of Pope”.
Curious about everyone bashing on Dane Cook, I finally looked up a clip of his stand up on YouTube. I lasted about a minute. Wow. I thought maybe all the Dane Cook bashing was elitism, but finally watching his stand up I wanted God to smite him.
Question for Constiutional Scholars: Does it say anywhere in the Constitution that the president has to be human? I’m pretty sure it says he has to be male.
My new Pajamas Media column is up. You should read it and then come back and tell me how smart and clever I am. I’ll be waiting.
The Fred Thompson Show (or the “Fred and Jeri Show” as it’s more popularly known) now is making neat YouTube clips available of its show. Why? Probably because I asked for it, and everyone knows you listen to Frank if you want what’s best for you.
Here’s Fred and Jeri’s interview of Byron York from today. I think Fred has a good point near the end about Obama and his poseur nature about street cred.
Both Rasmussen and Zogby now have Obama polling below 50% in his approval rating. Since IMAO is non-partisan, I thought I’d give some tips to Obama on how to improve his polls numbers.
WAYS OBAMA CAN BECOME MORE POPULAR
* When North Korea or Iran threaten to get nuclear weapons, like do something about it.
* Stop wearing a Che Guevara t-shirt.
* Also, stop supporting socialist dictators in more substantial ways.
* Don’t always just take a penny from the penny dish; sometimes leave a penny. Other people need pennies too.
* When going abroad, stop pretending to be a Canadian.
* Also, stop whispering to every foreign leader “I was actually born in your country.”
* I know you love taxes, but reconsider the harsh “Being an Orphan” Tax.
* Stop referring to Americans as “the little people.”
* Or “crackers.”
* As you drive through cities in your presidential limo, stop flipping off cops.
* When foreign dignitaries express a desire to you to see America destroyed, disagree with them.
* New policy for you on the economy: Sit in the corner and don’t touch anything.
Obama destroying our health care is starting to make sense now that I found out his next book will be titled “To Serve Man.”
So are we conservatives who don’t like Obama back to being in the majority? That wasn’t very long in the wilderness.
New sale from Pfizer: All blue pills half-price!
Here’s the deal: When we run out of policy issues to attack Obama on, we’ll focus on his birth certificate.
We’re going to feel like jerks for going after Obama on not reading the health care bill if it ends up he’s illiterate.
I want to just go ahead and say that the next police officer who gives me a ticket was acting stupidly.
Since Gates is a professor, should we track down all his students and check them for a virulent strain of moron?
It’s different for white people. I was questioned for suspicion of breaking into a house and screamed at the cops, and they gave me candy.
Racism really sucks for black supervillians. They can come up with the perfect crime and then go to prison for being black on a Friday.
Black Manta once had a great plan for conquering the oceans but was arrested for stealing a Lexus he legitimately owned. Of course, Aquaman took all the credit.
Obama Friends Count: Crazy, racist preacher. Homegrown terrorist.Crazy professor who screams at police.
Obama: “I can’t disown my statement about Cambridge police anymore than I can disown being a moron.”
Hmm. These placebos aren’t working anymore. I need those new double-strength placebos.
Only 31% expect Biden to be Obama’s running mate in 2012, but way things are going maybe Biden will want a new running mate.
Commenter called John Hawkins a squish. “True Conservative” label now applies to just a handful of blog commenters.
Maybe I can stop all this “True Conservative” debate by reminding everyone that the only true conservative is Andrew Sullivan.
I’m tired of this birth certificate stuff. Let’s go back to claiming Obama is secretly a Muslim.
I really feel like punching something right now. I wish I had kids.
Every time a group of crazies doesn’t like the president, or something the president does, they call for his impeachment.
This is true for as long as I can remember. Well, almost.
I don’t remember Eisenhower (president when I was born) or much about Kennedy. And I don’t recall any “Impeach Johnson” movement. But, there was an “Impeach Nixon” movement. It went so far as to go to committee in the House of Representatives.
Some crazies called for the impeachment of Gerald Ford, following the Nixon pardon, but it was just crazy talk. Some crazy talk about Carter (particularly following the botched Iran hostage rescue attempt). Then, the crazies kicked it up when Reagan took office. Same with Bush the Elder.
Of course, Clinton was impeached, but acquitted.
And how can we forget the Impeach Bush movement. There are still some wanting him impeached. Told you they were nuts.
Now, there’s an Impeach Obama movement. Google it; you’ll get 2,210,000 results. At Bing, not as many, but still 217,000 results.
Let me state right now, in case you somehow missed it over the last several months, I think that Barack Obama is an incompetent oaf. He’s not qualified to work the cash register at Hardee’s, much less occupy the Oval Office. But impeach him?
Consider what would happen.
On the upside, we’d be rid of him. That’s a pretty big upside.
The downside? Who’s next in line? That’s right, Joe Biden. For crying out loud, no rational person would want him in the White House.
So, could they both be removed from office at one time?
Look what happens then: the Speaker of the House assumes the presidency. That’s Nancy Pelosi! Again, no rational person would want that.
Who’s next? The President pro tempore of the Senate, Robert Byrd.
Okay, it’s a mass impeachment then. It removes the president, vice-president, Speaker of the House, and the President pro tempore of the Senate. Who assumes the presidency then? The Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton.
Next? Secretary of the Treasury, Timothy Geithner.
Then?
See what I mean? Remove one, another takes over. Okay, maybe Gates isn’t that bad. But the only other Republican, LaHood, ain’t no prize.
What then?
Nothing. We’re screwed.
Until the 2012 election.
Unless we screw around like we did in 2008 and get our asses handed to us. Think about that next time you decide to bad-mouth a conservative.
Except for Ron Paul. You can bad-mouth him. He’s nuts. And so are his supporters.
I don’t follow Rick Sanchez, a CNN guy, on the Twitter. Because I don’t watch CNN. That’s because the channel is overrun with left-wing nutcases. Not as bad as, say, NBC, but still pretty bad.
Not everyone at CNN is a barking moonbat, though. But, enough are that I don’t waste time weeding through the lefties.
In fairness, Fox News has some goofy folks, as well. Some on the left, but some nutcases on the right, too. But not as many nutcases as other channels. So, when I watch news TV, it’s usually Fox News.
Now, having said all that, I wouldn’t have know about what Rick Sanchez said on the Twitter if it wasn’t for Gwyn’s Mom.
Here’s the summary: Rick Sanchez is a douche bag, and thinks he’s better than the folks at Fox News. He also denies that, so he’s a lying douche bag.
Here’s what he said:
if i didn’t believe in doing right thing, i’d be rich anchoring at fox news
11:19 PM Jul 24th from web
He followed that with:
do u know how much money i’d make if i’d sold out as hispanic and worked at fox news, r u kidding, one problem, looking in mirror
11:22 PM Jul 24th from web
Seems that Huffington Post picked up on what he said, and he didn’t like it:
ok im back, just saw huffpost. good story but headline wrong! i say i couldn’t work there, im not criticizing those who do. never said that
about 8 hours ago from web
I’m not here to support Huffington Post, but Sanchez did say that he couldn’t look at himself in the mirror if he worked at Fox News.
What about those that could? Are their standards lower? Does Sanchez think he’s better than them because his standards are higher? Seems that way, doesn’t it?
Somewhere, in the midst of all this, he said this:
i guess people really are essentially same.
12:29 AM Jul 25th from web
I assume he meant “people really are essentially all the same” and not “people really are essentially sane.” If “all the same,” then he’s saying that, well, he’s just like everybody else, except that he’s better. Because he has higher standards than the Hispanics that work at Fox News.
Sounds like something a douche bag would say.
Oh, and he offered this:
wow, really getting heat from neocons and far right wing fox viewers for saying truth. must have hit nerve
about 8 hours ago from web
No, Sanchez didn’t hit a nerve. But he did offer more proof that CNN hires douche bags that think they are better than others.
Will it affect me? No. Well, okay, it gives me something to blog about. Because, you know, it’s fun calling left-wing douche bags “left-wing douche bags.” Try it. See? Fun.
It won’t impact my TV news viewing. I already don’t watch left-wing douche bags.
But, if you watch CNN, it’s okay; I’m just better than you.
I’m starting to get confused. Okay, more confused.
We have two major parties in this country. The Democrats and the Republicans, in case you weren’t sure. Either a Republican or a Democrat has won every presidential election in this country since the Crusades. Or Zachary Taylor’s 1848 election, I forget which. And the last president that wasn’t a Democrat or a Republican, and that didn’t die in office, was John Quincy Adams, a Democratic-Republican (forerunners of Democrats), in 1824.
Over the years, it’s been confusing. Both parties have had conservatives, liberals, and moderates. And still do. I know, I know, it’s hard to believe there are any conservative Democrats, but, truth be told, there are. I can’t name one, but trust me, they exist.
Today, it’s generally considered that Democrats are liberal and Republicans are conservative. And most fit that mold. But not all.
The problem with that — or one of the problems, anyway — is that many members of a party will put party over ideology … and even over country. Witness: the undermining of the military in the recent two election cycles.
So, what do we do?
The president can solve this. How? Appoint me as Political Party Czar!
I’ll have power to assign politicians to the correct party. And create new parties if needed.
Obama, of course, gets booted from the Democratic party (sorry, Boss), but gets to lead the Socialist party. Nancy Pelosi will be in the Barking Moonbat party. As will be Harry Reid.
John McCain (sorry, sir) will be shifted from the Republican party (Meggie Mac, too) to the new Moderate party. Olympia Snowe, too. Or, maybe I’ll make some of that group into Whigs. We don’t have enough Whigs any more.
Some of the current Republicans will become Democrats, some Democrats will become Republicans, and … well, some I need to think about longer.
Sure, it’ll be hell having to meet with all the politicians and figure out what to do with them all. And, while I’m assessing and assigning all politicians in Congress to the proper party, Congress will have to be suspended, as will Executive Orders. This is to ensure that when further legislative or executive actions are taken, everyone is properly placed where they belong.
I don’t make this promise lightly: I will take whatever time is needed to ensure that every politician is in the proper political party.
Could take years.
We create a number that people can call in case they see Obama near something important, like the economy, health care, or the military. Then someone can come and gently lead him away and give him some toys to play with or something. If we just make sure Obama doesn’t touch anything, maybe we can turn this country around.
Since we’re discussing theology, it’s probably a good idea to include the commentary of His Infernal Majesty, Rowan Atkinson:
