Archive of entries posted on July 2009

Obama: Evil or Stupid?

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There is some debate on whether Obama is evil and trying to replace America’s government with a fascist, socialist regime or whether he’s just an idiot who doesn’t know what he’s doing. For the record, I believe in the latter. If Obama’s horrible policies aren’t because he wants to take away our freedoms, they’re just because he’s an idiot who has no idea what he’s doing. Sure, he has desires to implement a ton of fascist laws, but they’re the same impotent fantasies every liberal has absent political reality. While the public thought the idea of Obama was neato, it’s become quite obvious they never really liked any of his actual policy ideas. Thus Obama’s political capital to try brand new idiotic ideas is pretty much already used up as even he might become cognizant to soon.

If Obama were a dictator, I’m quite certain he’d be a horrible tyrant who would strike down many freedoms, but as president at worst he’s Carter.

Random Thoughts

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Dentist says I have a cavity, but he could just be trying to make a profit off of me. Should I get a 2nd opinion from Obama?

It seemed the presidency would give Obama more material for his next autobiography, but he might come off better if he left it out.

Obama really went on about a blue and red pill? Sounds like I missed his most hilarious performance yet.

“If you take the blue pill, you go back to sleep. If you take the red pill, it costs twice as much. I recommend you take the blue pill.”

“Maybe the kid doesn’t need his tonsils out. Maybe he just needs the blue pill. Or the red pill. Maybe a handful of multi-colored pills.”

Why prosecute corruption in New Jersey? What else is there to do there than be corrupt? I lived in New Jersey for nine years growing up. I’ll never be right again.

Dr. Obama: “I don’t like the look of those tonsils. We better treat your allergies with this half-price blue pill.”

So do you think Obama’s press conference last night finally convinced everyone he has no idea what he’s talking about?

I didn’t see the press conference and I don’t know all the facts, but I think it’s fair to say Obama acted stupidly.

Republicans would really be in trouble if Democrats sucked marginally less. Course, if they sucked less, they wouldn’t be Democrats.

So there aren’t disputes about future presidents, we should pass legislation saying people born in Hawaii aren’t American citizens.

It would be awesome if Obama followed up his insult on the cops with a rant about how the “man” is always trying to keep him down. Also, it would be awesome if Obama used the phrase “Speaking truth to power.” That should be the death of it.

The digital age has only increased the the Man’s ability to keep people down. Using advanced software, he can now keep down 28,000 people per minute.

“Can’t you just get attached to someone else’s healthier grandma? Old people are basically interchangeable.”

“We’re out of the costly red pills, but we have lots of inexpensive blue pills. Don’t ask me what they do.”

“Have you ever considered that maybe your cancer thinks you’re growing on it? You two should learn to live in peace.”

Obama is not a natural born citizen! From his mother’s womb he was untimely ripped!

I just woke up in a bathtub full of ice to find my tonsils are gone!

Up From the Memory Hole: Proof That Obama is a Racist

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In 2008, after Time Magazine headlined an article about Obama winning the South Carolina primary “Obama’s Rout Rejiggers the Race“, they were met with a storm of criticism for using the word “jig”, because it’s racist.

During Obama’s answer to that irrelevant softball on the arrest of Professor “I’ll talk to your MAMA outside!” Gates, Obama used the word “jigger” to describe the act of a black man forcibly entering a house:

“There was a report called into the police station that there might be a burglary taking place. so far so good. Right? I mean, if I was trying to jigger in — well, I guess this is my house now so it probably wouldn’t happen. Let’s say my old house in Chicago — here I’d get shot.”

I wish Obama would stop hatin’ on the African-American community.

Racism makes me sad.

Police accused of profiling in mistaken identity arrest of youth

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Sebastopol, California (AP) – Sebastopol police officials are defending themselves against charges of profiling following the arrest of a juvenile at a Little League facility.

Police Chief Jeffrey Weaver said officers acted appropriately in responding to reports of a break-in at the downtown facility. However, attorneys for the juvenile said the police overreacted and used profiling tactics, citing the youth’s clothing, including the gang colors similar to the Latin Kings gang, as well as the sideways wearing of his cap.
Continue reading ‘Police accused of profiling in mistaken identity arrest of youth’ »

Science and Religion and Athor

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A little surprised by the reaction to my latest Pajamas Media piece. I wasn’t even really sure who I was making fun of in it, but the ones who seemed offended by it were some atheists and some Christians who don’t have problem with mainstream science — the latter being my the category I fall in. Then again, I’m a big boy so I can take me offending my own beliefs.

BTW, I really like science. I like reading up on the evolutionary relationships of animals and the big bang theory and the new attempts at a unified field theory and all the complex stuff I can only partially understand. We tend to put too much importance on science, feeling that knowing the earth goes around the sun actually makes us morally superior to someone who believes otherwise. But, as a Christian, science is just about the physical and the temporary and isn’t worth much in the end. Even if the universe is around billions or trillions of more years, it’s all just a blink of the eye in the face of eternity.

And I believe there is the big difference between the religious and the atheist: When you have eternity to think about, it changes your priorities. Or it should.

What to Do If a Doctor Is After Your Kids’ Tonsils

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Blinded by profit, doctors often try to remove tonsils from children. If your doctor wants to remove your child’s tonsils, take some step to make sure it’s necessary.

* Ask the doctor if he’s considered whether the problem could be just allergies or something.

* Ask how much profit will he make from this “necessary” procedure.

* Take your child’s medical files and send it to Barack Obama. He or another qualified bureaucrat will determine whether the operation is necessary.

* Wait eight to ten months for a response.

Remember: Only you can prevent doctors from making a profit off your kids’ tonsils.

Random Thoughts

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Question on new patient form for dentist: “Do you use alcohol, cocaine, or other drugs? Y/N”
Other questions: “Have you ever received a parking ticket, committed murder, or committed rape? Y/N” “Do you have sex with your spouse, animals, or children? Y/N”

So is the moral of “Jack and the Beanstalk” to not be incredulous of magic bean salesmen? Sounds like a story the Obama administration should really be promoting.

A lot of conservatives don’t seem to like Obama.

Pretty much every problem in society can be linked to childhood obesity.

Mankind peaked when it combined chocolate with peanut butter.

RiffTrax – talking during movies – is yet another art form white people have stolen from the black man.

Argon is hands down the best noble gas.

What best distinguishes man from the chimpanzee is our ability to grow a handlebar mustache.

With all that kryptonite around, Superman should consider carrying a gun as backup.

American cinema would be in disarray if the Chinese never invented the ninja.

For something whose diet consists primarily of fish and berries, a bear has no reason to be that large and menacing.

Microwave is the best radio wave length. This can only be disputed if some other radio wave length could heat up nachos.

Elvis isn’t dead. Elvis never existed.

f judged merely on cuisine, Mexico is the greatest country that ever existed.

“Don’t Fear the Reaper” actually had the proper amount of cowbell.

There is absolutely no point to a bird that can’t fly.

If God didn’t want us to mount rocket launchers on dinosaurs, he would have smote us before we discovered DNA.

Obama is hands down the best black president America has ever had.

1000 years from now when we’re all forgotten, mankind will still look back fondly on the works of Vin Diesel.

It actually took five days for God to make all of creation, but he claimed six for tax reasons.

If robots ever gain sentience, we should stop doing the robot dance as they’ll probably find it offensive.

We’ve become too trusting of our nemesis fire.

I think Wolverine’s opinions on the health care debate should be ignored for obvious reasons.

As much as we make fun of Mars, it has much better moons.

I think the reason so many people claim the Sun as their favorite star is cultural bias.

My favorite cartoon character is Chris Matthews.

The only reason people think the pope is infallible is because of his important-looking hat.

When Formula 1 makes fun of NASCAR, it’s racist.

The revolution probably will be televised, but there will be pundits talking over it the whole time.

Infinitely hot and infinitely dense describes both the big bang and my wife.

It’s Cronkite and the Taco Bell dog now. We need one more.

Personally, I don’t get the Christians or the atheists who think evolution and the Big Bang disprove God.

A vote for Obama is basically a protest vote against the existence of the United States.

There is no birth certificate for Obama in Hawaii. He was not born. He’s a clone! Of Hitler!

Obama: “Maybe Iran isn’t pursuing nuclear weapons. Maybe it just has allergies or something.”

I still have my tonsils. Should I be scared next time I get a check up from my doctor?

What is a tonsil anyway? Maybe greedy doctors just made it up and only Obama is smart enough to figure it out.

Missed the speech because we were hosting Bible study. You know – stuff about the other savior.

Maybe Obama was upset because of a mean doctor that removed his tonsils. Except it wasn’t a tonsillectomy. It was a lobotomy.

Race relations still need work. The other day Obama forgot the White House keys and was arrested as a burglar for prowling around outside.

Saddened by a Thieving Monkey

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In Texas, a monkey was caught on security videotape stealing plants from the store Plants and Planters.

It occurred to me that there’s an analogy between this and Obama taking over GM, since the monkey reportedly said afterwards that he “doesn’t want to be in the plant business”.

Then I remembered that using “monkey” and “Obama” in the same sentence would get me tossed into a Federal Sensitivity Camp, so I’m not gonna go there.

Honduran Official Apologizes To Obama For Remark

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TEGUCIGALPA, Honduras (AP) — The foreign relations minister in Honduras’ interim government says he has sent a letter to Barack Obama apologizing for a comment he made about the U.S. president.

“Little black man?” Two out of three ain’t bad.

Enrique Ortez says the letter expresses “his most profound apologies” for “an unfortunate comment.”

In a TV interview, Ortez said Obama “is a little black man who doesn’t know where Tegucigalpa is located.”

Ortez says the remark, made before he was named to the post, was not meant to offend anyone.

“I really didn’t mean to imply that Obama was a man,” said Ortez. “But keep in mind that this was said before the frumpy mom-jeans and the girly pitch at the All-Star game. I offer my most profound apologies to the little black woman for my unfortunate comment. I promise never again to insinuate that she pees standing up.”

Ortez also read a statement in Spanish from U.S. Ambassador Hugo Llorens that said: “I express my profound indignation for the unfortunate, disrespectful and gender-insensitive comments made about President Barack Obama, the first little black woman elected to America’s highest office.”

Dr. Obama

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Recently at a townhall, when a woman asked whether she would have been able to get a pacemaker for her ninety-nine-year-old mother, Obama responded by saying her mother could have just taken painkillers. This illustrates what a lot of people have started to realize about Obama: He’s a moron.

That’s why his health care plans are not winning popular support; from Obama’s handling of the economy people know he’s a moron and they know health care will only be made worse by having a moron fiddle with it. They worry if they let Obama loose in a hospital, he’ll eat all the lollipops, chew on the wiring, and get a bio-hazard bucket stuck on his head. And if the moron Obama chases a ball into traffic, the White House has a spare moron, Biden, waiting. That’s why we have to keep health care out of governments hands: Government is full of morons who couldn’t make in the private sector just waiting to get their stupid on everything. You don’t want your life in their hands.

What Republicans need to do and I think public opinion will support is just keep moron Obama away from important things so he doesn’t hurt himself and others. Maybe they can have a resolution passed to pin mittens to his jacket.