I live in Idaho, which as you probably know is a very Republican state. Strangely enough, I now have a Democrat representative for my district — Walt Minnick — because apparently the previous Republican one was such a horrible screw up that he got voted out in the last election (while my district also went 60.69% for McCain). Now basically Minnick has been a DINO, voting with the Republicans on all the important legislation of the past two years. That’s behavior you want to reward, and the Tea Party in Idaho has endorsed him.

But in the end, he is a vote for Nancy Pelosi as speaker. Also, I recently got a chance to meet him and he sounded very much a Democrat in area of the Constitution, as while he was against Obamacare for fiscal reasons, he thought the Commerce Clause covered forcing everyone to buy health care and was against the state of Idaho challenging that in court think it was a waste of taxpayer money.

So, I dunno. Anyway, Walt Minnick’s likely opponent is Vaughn Ward (I just realized with all these hyped primary fights I keep hearing about, I have no idea when any actually primary votes are). He sounds pretty damn conservative (he recently got the Sarah Palin endorsement which probably flies pretty well here in Idaho), and he’s an Iraq War vet (I should mention, though, that Walt Minnick is a Vietnam vet). So Vaughn Ward seems like a good person to represent me in Congress, but what do you think?

Somehow, I don’t see all you guys telling me to vote for the Democrat, but I thought I’d ask.

So, looking at this poll, is it fair to say 49% of Democrats hate America?

I like coming up with horrible puns, but I don’t usually post them because they’re so horrible. I’m going to post one now, but here is your warning it is horrible. I don’t want you reading it and them complaining it’s awful and not funny because I already know that. It’s so bad, it may cause you to never find me funny again. We’re talking like a pun so horrible, it’s physically painful. So once again, if you choose to read the pun, don’t come crying to me because I’m giving you plenty of warning here. You did this to yourself.

Continue reading ‘Horrible Pun of the Day’ »

Just when you like to have heroes like the Founding Fathers, you find out that George Washington has a library fine of $300,000. That’s right; he checked out a book and never returned it. He was all like, “I’m George Washington! I made this country! I do what I want! If you get in my face, I’ll shoot you like you’s British!” All the Founding Fathers were malcontents. Benjamin Franklin would jaywalk constantly. James Madison liked to litter. And Thomas Jefferson was into insane conspiracy theories.

Wait, I got Thomas Jefferson confused with Ron Paul; it’s easy to do.

With the rising deficits, it’s pretty inevitable that Obama will eventually pass some huge tax hikes. Still, he promised not to raise them, and at least five or six people believed that promise. So I have an idea so Obama can get more money without raising taxes.

Here’s what Obama needs to do: Hire a bunch of professional thieves to break into people’s houses and bank accounts and steal their money. I looked it up, and theft is technically not a tax. Obama can help out the thieves by passing a “Let’s All Keep Our Doors Unlocked” policy, plus with all those fundraising letters he sends out, he probably already has a ton of people’s credit card numbers. So Obama should be able to steal plenty of money.

Yes, people will be angry from all the theft, but Obama can just use that to help pass whatever his pet legislation is. Like how he used the jobs crisis to pass health care reform for some reason, he can be like, “I know what can stop all this theft: Cap & Trade!”

Wow, I could be like a really good Democrat if I wanted to.

A new poll shows that nearly 80% of the country has little faith in the federal government, and nearly half says the government negatively affects their lives.

Why would this be? I can give you one answer: the head of federal government is black.

It’s the only explanation that makes sense. Right now the federals government is doing everything it can to help the economy and is about to give everyone free health care, thus logically everyone should love the government right now. Except, the president it black, so people are turning against it.

But a little over a year ago, the country elected a black president, so it wasn’t racist then. So what’s changed? Again, the change is that Barack Obama is president.

Conclusion: Barack Obama is spreading racist hate!

STOP SPREADING RACIST HATE BARACK OBAMA!!!!

So, apparently President Obama has no plan to deal with Iran if it succeeds in getting nuclear weapons. I guess that leaves it to me to come up with one.

FRANK J.’S PLAN FOR A NUCLEAR IRAN

So if Iran gets nuclear weapons, first thing we do is congratulate them.

Yeah, they won’t expect them.

We’ll be like, “Good going, Iran; you’re now a nuclear power. That puts you in a very exclusive club, and guess what that comes with? A secret decoder ring!”

And Ahmadinejad will be like, “Gimme gimme gimme!”

So we’ll give him the decoder ring and leave him be. The next day, he gets sent a secret message THAT ONLY NUCLEAR POWERS CAN DECODE! He’ll be so excited and grab his decoder ring to figure it out… except the ring is more complicated than he thought, and he has to put all his top scientists on the job and it takes them hours. Finally, he’ll decode the message and be like, “I don’t want to buy Ovaltine. Anywho, time to nuke the joos!”

So Ahmadinejad will hit the button to launch his nuclear missile, but it will just fall over and out of the warhead will come angry badgers who start biting everyone they can see as badgers don’t like being crammed into a warhead. See, while they were all distracted decoding their message, we snuck in and replaced their warhead. They won’t know that, though, and will probably just blame things on angering the Muslim god Ganesh or something.

Nuclear problem solved! Someone give me a million dollars.

Bill Clinton is talking again; probably not a good idea. He’s just trying to subtly warn people if they don’t quietly accept the Democrats’ agenda, then they’ll cause an Oklahoma bombing type incident.

If Bill Clinton cares about his legacy, he really should just lie low. The best he can hope for is that he’ll get a short section in the history books and people will just say, “I guess the economy did well while he was president,” and don’t look any closer. But while Clinton was trying to tie Republicans to domestic terrorism for political gain, he did nothing during his eight years about the real threat out there and left that for another administration to deal with. Seeing how the economic boom of the 90’s was pretty fleeting too, the only thing Bill Clinton was good for was helping his own short term political gain. Even his own party was in shambles when he left office.

You can say a lot of bad things about Barack Obama, but in pure sliminess I don’t think he’ll ever beat Bill Clinton. It’s easy to forget that, though, so if Clinton just wises up and be quiet, he can get his little footnote in the history books without all the negative commentary. Oh, and his impeachment asterisks.