The Democrat National Convention is held at the New Orleans Superdome. Every prominent Democrat politician, donor and activist is there along with many of the Hollywood glitterati, high-ranking progressives from the world of academia and many, many prominent labor leaders and personal-injury attorneys.

The adoring media, of course, is packed in alongside them all to provide us with wall-to-wall coverage of every minute and tell us all how wonderful they are.

Suddenly, there is a great shaking, and the earth opens up and swallows the entire stadium, which disappears without a trace. Despite a mighty effort on the part of the emergency crews, they can manage to find only one survivor.

Who was saved?

Continue reading ‘A Riddle…’ »

Jon Stewart seems concerned that the term “Obamacare” is derogatory. Is it?

Well, it combines Obama’s very unpopular health care bill with Obama’s increasingly unpopular name, so, yeah, I guess it’s derogatory. If Obamacare were popular, then it would be complimentary. As it is, it’s pretty derogatory. It’s not fair to compare it to the term “teabagger” though as that was chosen because its the name of a vulgar sex act. I don’t think Obamacare is a vulgar sex act, and if it is, I really don’t want to hear what that is. I could only guess it would be very unpleasant and not at all consensual. “Just stop struggling; I promise you’ll love it!”

So Comedy Central censored a recent South Park for even mentioning Muhammad, and we have to start wondering if we’re going down a real bad path. As soon as we start not making fun of Muhammad out of fear, we’re going to be rewarding violence. Of course, it’s hard for Comedy Central to stand out alone doing it when so much of the other media in America has shown unwillingness to back them up.

I’m starting to realize that President Bush dropped the ball after the riots following the Danish Cartoons. The best response to that was to then encourage people to make even more fun of Muhammad and only stop when the violence stopped. Bush himself should have drawn a picture of Muhammad fighting Godzilla or something. That’s basic tit for tat: Bad behavior needs to be punished and good behavior rewarded.

Currently, we have a very perverse system where, since Christians behave themselves and don’t kill people, you can make fun of them (the same South Park episode demonstrated the double standard by depicting Jesus watching porn and Buddha snorting coke and that wasn’t censored). But since Muslims riot and kill, we can’t make fun of them. So, in summary: Behave, get made fun of, commit violence, get respected.

So, is anyone going to make a stand? Or are we going to let free speech get chipped by people who have no respect for freedom? I would really hope this is something all of America could get behind as it shouldn’t be a partisan issue. Right now there are hundreds of millions of Christians in America and no one worries for their safety if they make fun of them. Less than one percent of America is Muslim, though, and people fear for their lives about crossing them. What if we get more Muslims? I know we don’t want to invent a conflict or hurt the feelings of peaceful Muslims, but it’s better to draw out any problems now than let this erode us from the inside. It’s time for everybody to make fun of Muhammad.

Economic experts at Health and Human Services have concluded that Obamacare will cost a huge amount of money we don’t have.

Yes, this is apparently a revelation for some people… Obama for instance. Seriously, though, if you actually believed that Obamacare would save money, find a sturdy wall and pound your head against it. You’ll stop automatically when you’ve done it enough.

So is the only way to make Obamacare’s ends meet to make doctors slave labor? Don’t be too surprised if they do it. They’ve been selling Obamacare as trading in silly freedoms like being able to choose whether or not you buy health care for FreeSmarts™ like guaranteed health care. What’s a little more freedom for a lot more FreeSmart™?

I’ll have to repost this if things go well in November:

So the guy who does the voice work for Geico ads heard on the internets that the Tea Parties are extremists so he decided he better call them up and yell at them, following the simple troll logic of:

STEP 1: Scream insults at people
STEP 2: ???
STEP 3: Profit!

He must have messed up step 2, because now he’s lost his job.

Now if rumors of Tea Parties being extreme are enough to get people to make unhinged rants and lose their jobs, how long until rumors of Tea Parties being violent makes the left violent? I think we’re already past that point.

So what do we do? I’m going to go with the standard conservative response: Nothing. Even if the left get all angry and stuff and try to slap us and what not, I can’t really pretend I’m scared. Still, this is getting annoying. The left were unhinged under Bush. Now, with their own president, they’re even more unhinged worried about losing power. Maybe with Obamacare, they should give them all free shots of something to calm them down.

Earth, or a similar sized planet.

And I just can’t tell you how much I absolutely hate all other planets. They just suck compared to Earth. Mercury is an angry little dwarf. Venus is a hot mess. Mars is a ginger. Jupiter is just a big smelly mass of gas. Saturn had to get rings to even try and be interesting. Uranus is a sex offender. Neptune is a weird loner. And Pluto… well that’s not even a planet anymore. And don’t even get me started on 47 Ursae Majoris b.

So what’s your favorite things about Earth? I love it’s molten core — Earth has a liquid center; how awesome is that? I also like its rotation speed. And it’s cool how it’s composed 32.1% of iron, so you know it’s structurally sound.

What I don’t like about Earth, though, is its moon. That thing creeps me out. It doesn’t even have a name. I want it gone.

Still, forget the moon. Today is the day we celebrate Earth. Go Earth! You are a good planet. I will lay down on the ground and give you a hug. My dog will probably pee on you, but ignore her; she is ungrateful.

So thank you Earth for being a good planet. You certainly will do until we eventually find something better. One with less earthquakes and volcanoes. What’s up with those?

Poor bear. And this was just after he was elected president of bears.

He's a very smart bear.

Apparently, he’s a very smart bear and was just quite curious whether his head would fit in a milk jug.

You’re probably wondering if we could be facing an epidemic of bears with their heads stuck in things. Yes, we could. There isn’t much in nature bears can get their heads stuck in, but humans make lots of things a bear could get stuck on its head. So this Earth Day, before you toss something in the forest, think to yourself, “Could a bear gets its head stuck in this?” Also consider whether or not you like bears. Then toss or don’t toss the object in the forest based on that data.

Charles Blow, token black guy for the elite, white New York Times, saw Zo’s appearance at a Tea Party and called him a “minstrel.” Zo has responded:

I’ve been kinda wondering what the point of all the left-wing hand-wringing about the right’s rhetoric. The left can be pretty mindless, so maybe there is no point, but still perhaps they see some end of the tunnel. The goal certainly isn’t to influence the right who correctly see it all as pretty opportunistic (“You know that rhetoric you’re using that’s devastating us in the polls; you have to stop it before it leads to violence!”), so the only other option is they plan to use legal force to stop it.

Enter Joe Klein saying that maybe Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin are seditious. It’s just one leftie now, but if they consider salt dangerous and in need of banning, they could feel the same of right-wing rhetoric. I don’t seem much political will for that, but you know they’re all hoping and praying for some big violence from the right so they have an excuse for another “Hush Rush” bill or something.

The way things are going, the left is going to get increasing desperate as November approaches. Don’t be surprised what they do, though most of it will probably backfire. My guess is the only extreme thing they won’t resort to doing is trying to debate the Tea Parties on the issues. Even they know how bad that would backfire.