Earth, or a similar sized planet.
And I just can’t tell you how much I absolutely hate all other planets. They just suck compared to Earth. Mercury is an angry little dwarf. Venus is a hot mess. Mars is a ginger. Jupiter is just a big smelly mass of gas. Saturn had to get rings to even try and be interesting. Uranus is a sex offender. Neptune is a weird loner. And Pluto… well that’s not even a planet anymore. And don’t even get me started on 47 Ursae Majoris b.
So what’s your favorite things about Earth? I love it’s molten core — Earth has a liquid center; how awesome is that? I also like its rotation speed. And it’s cool how it’s composed 32.1% of iron, so you know it’s structurally sound.
What I don’t like about Earth, though, is its moon. That thing creeps me out. It doesn’t even have a name. I want it gone.
Still, forget the moon. Today is the day we celebrate Earth. Go Earth! You are a good planet. I will lay down on the ground and give you a hug. My dog will probably pee on you, but ignore her; she is ungrateful.
So thank you Earth for being a good planet. You certainly will do until we eventually find something better. One with less earthquakes and volcanoes. What’s up with those?
Thank you, oh great planet, for not fighting back. Thank you indeed for lying back while we DETONATE THERMONUCLEAR WARHEADS ON YOUR SURFACE.
Geez Marko, talk about deflating my comment.
I was going to thank her for providing lead, copper, iron, wood and explodey stuff so I could turn money into booms, but you go and thank her for the biggest boom we can make.
Jerk.
Ya gotta watch this video of hippies actually crying about the loss of a tree. I haven’t seen something so funny in a while:
http://newsbusters.org/blogs/eyeblast-tv-staff/2010/04/22/video-happy-earth-day-some-crazy-hippies
If it weren’t for the fact that these folks literally breed terrorists, they’d be too funny to discourage.
The Earth is great!!! whjat did the Earth ever do to hurt anyone? (unless you are Haitian, Japanese, Chinese, Pompeiiann, or a Mount St. Helenian)
Uranus is th worst planet. As the dreaded seventh planet, it is source of all liberals.
Hey! Hands off Uranus, pal! Well, as long as it’s Uranus…
Men are from Mars; women are from Venus.
There once was a man from Venus who had a very big…
(It was a friggin’ disaster for the Martians.)
“One with less earthquakes and volcanoes. What’s up with those?”
It’s the Earth getting ready to spontaneously explode, Frank. You really should study up on it.
This is also Lenin’s birthday. It is NOT a coincidence. I was around and aware when this nonsense started,
I want a Galifrey Day.
My fear is that there will someday be too many people on the Earth, and it will tip over.
Veeshir, you are a young fool. The Earth doesn’t “provide” those natural resources. Nay, we must dig into her godforsaken soil and grab those things for herself.
Stupid Earth didn’t think anyone would ever invent the shovel!
ourself, not herself
ourselves, not ourself. The Earth is killing me, one error at a time!
Marko: “He’s already dead.”
I’ve been without running water for nearly an hour on this very day. %$^&^%!#$%^&&* Earth Day! And socialism.
With a tip of the hat to Idahoser I’m celebrating Industrial Revolution Day today by running every electrical appliance I own for one hour.
Stupid hippies… trees hate us and want to eat us. Here’s video proof:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mhF4ZqiYfTI
Thank goodness for the Ents.
To celebrate earth day here at work, I recommended running our large electric furnaces all day with nothing in them. We don’t pay for the electricity anyways, so it’s win-win for us!
Also in celebration of earth day, I’m proudly wearing my “I ♣ hippies shirt”. (btw, that’s the club symbol if anyone can’t see it clearly)
I thought Earth was the best Cat Woman of them all. Up until she made Lady Bird cry.
How many licks does it take to get to the center of the Earth? One, tw-oo, three…. Three.
“….Crunch. Three.” You stupid software!
My comments don’t like moderation, they’re more of the “Extreme” sort. (Only kinda funny if you’ve submitted a comment before, and paid attention. I don’t know, maybe a nickle? And we’re back to the Earth, with it’s yummy molten core.
Happy Vladimir Lenin Birthday/Earth day.
I’ve just got to say our family of 8 existed on one income for about 25 years until the spouse was kicked to the curb by his former employer and we “recycled, reduced and reused” because we had to. Now that most of the children are gone and we have two incomes I intend to consume. I also intend NOT to do business with any company that feels it has to shove green down my throat.
I don’t mind being a good steward of the resources of the planet but I refuse to be manipulated, lied to and forced to obey some draconian directive from people who are making millions off pretend crisis’.
Algore please turn off your get engines, retire and global warming will truly disappear. (oh and Prince Chuckles and his Rottwieler should stay home too.
Every day is Earth Day for me, at least until I get the phase couplers on the warp drive working again. Who knew that a flock of frikkin’ geese could do so much damage?
#22 – Mikee,
If you need to hitch a ride, you can borrow my ‘Electric Thumb’.