So, apparently President Obama has no plan to deal with Iran if it succeeds in getting nuclear weapons. I guess that leaves it to me to come up with one.
FRANK J.’S PLAN FOR A NUCLEAR IRAN
So if Iran gets nuclear weapons, first thing we do is congratulate them.
Yeah, they won’t expect them.
We’ll be like, “Good going, Iran; you’re now a nuclear power. That puts you in a very exclusive club, and guess what that comes with? A secret decoder ring!”
And Ahmadinejad will be like, “Gimme gimme gimme!”
So we’ll give him the decoder ring and leave him be. The next day, he gets sent a secret message THAT ONLY NUCLEAR POWERS CAN DECODE! He’ll be so excited and grab his decoder ring to figure it out… except the ring is more complicated than he thought, and he has to put all his top scientists on the job and it takes them hours. Finally, he’ll decode the message and be like, “I don’t want to buy Ovaltine. Anywho, time to nuke the joos!”
So Ahmadinejad will hit the button to launch his nuclear missile, but it will just fall over and out of the warhead will come angry badgers who start biting everyone they can see as badgers don’t like being crammed into a warhead. See, while they were all distracted decoding their message, we snuck in and replaced their warhead. They won’t know that, though, and will probably just blame things on angering the Muslim god Ganesh or something.
Nuclear problem solved! Someone give me a million dollars.
Iran isn’t good enough for badgers… Can’t we send angry squirrels instead?
What do you mean Obama doesn’t have a plan to deal with Iran if it gets nukes? Isn’t bowing, groveling and appeasing while crying his eyes out begging Ahmanutjob not to nuke somebody count as a plan?
Of course, I like your plan better. It has the potential of lots of Iranian bitten by angry badgers. Make ’em rabid angry badgers with AIDS and you’ve got a winner there, Frank!
Plan B (should the angry badger plan fail):
For great justice, take off every zig.
Move zig!
OOh. Oooh! Exclusive clubs all have ritualistic, complicated initiation ceremonies. We can tell Ajad and the I ah toldjas that we only have one goat and they will get in a terrible scuffle to decide who gets to ride it!!
Obama can’t decide if he’s more upset that it’s taking so long for Iran to develop nukes or that he can’t just give the nukes to them.
I can’t laugh at this. But good job, Frank!
There were speculative (not actual history, mind you) programs on the History Channel regarding Iranian nukes three years ago. The program itself was revealed seven years ago, Tom Clancy wrote a novel about Iranian biological weapons fourteen years ago, and people have discussed “What if?” Iranian nuke scenarios for one to two decades now.
It’s not fair, our leaders taking us out with them in their suicide pact.
I wonder if Janet Napoleonwannbe will say it all works out fine when Iran gets itas first nuke. Or uses it on us or Isreal.
Obama has a plan for Iran. A whole set of them. Drawn up at Oak Ridge. He wants to FedEx ’em over so Iran has the plans, too.
From Bush/Wolfowitz’s preemptive strike strategy to Obama’s “we’ll never use nukes” – in back-to-back presidencies. Our enemies must be very confused right now.
Wouldn’t ferrets be better? Isn’t that what the Beastmaster would use? Oh, but that was fiction…never mind.
Silly Frank, gonesh is an Indian deity. Allah’s real name is hubal, the moon god.
Every morning since I was a fetus I wake up hopeful today is the day we get to Nuke Iran. I thought it would never happen but they are walking right into my trap.
Once they brag about and showoff their nukes to everyone then nobody can give us crap about nuking supposedly helpless people like they still do about Japan.
Barack’s Plan
1. Let Iran get Nukes
2. ????
3. Utopia/Socialism!!!!
We simply set up an elaborate ruse to convince A-jad that the Jooos have an advance space program and have set up a moon base as their ultimate homeland. The moon nuking will follow naturally both eliminating Iran’s stockpile and achieving Frank J’s evil plan!
Ahmadinejad is a mother Eyjafjallajokulling, Eyjafjallajokull sucking little Eyjafjallajokuller, so Eyjafjallajokull him and the Eyjafjallajokulling camel he rode in on. Oh yeah, I really like this word….it’s so versatile
My plan involves convincing Obama that Iran is a pro-American democracy.
That seems to piss him off.
Replace the warhead with Bacon, and make it so it explodes over Tehran. Bacon is awesome, and bombs are awesome. Bacon Bombs are doubly awesome.
Muslims covered in scalding bacon drippings…double whammy. Burns like hell, and no-can-go to Paradise.
USA for the two-way corner win!