President Obama is acting all tough now, saying he wants to find “whose ass to kick” about the oil crisis. He really is a tough guy of action. Don’t believe it? Then just look at some of the things he’s said at recent speeches:
TOP TEN BARACK OBAMA TOUGH GUY LINES
10. “See what I have on here? These are my ass-kicking pants. Stop calling them mom jeans.”
9. “Time to open a can of whupass! …Oh, but not this can; it isn’t certified organic.”
8. “I am here to kick ass and chew arugula, and I’m all out of arugula because of the high prices at Whole Foods.”
7. “Let me be clear: Your ass is mine!”
6. “Got your organic whupass now, but it’s in a jar, not a can. Time to open it! Errrr… Hmm, let me just run it under some hot water and pound it against a counter a few times and then it’s whupass!”
5. “My name is Barack Obama. You spilled oil in my gulf. Prepare for finger pointing.”
4. “I ain’t got time to bleed… but I probably have enough time to finish a round of golf.”
3. “I’m here to kick ass and take names. Mainly to take names. Please fill out this census form.”
2. “Watch out: It’s not only my close personal friends I throw under a bus.”
And the number one Barack Obama tough guy line…
“You’ve messed with the wrong president, and polls show quite clearly I am the wrong president.”
“This is my rifle, this is my gun. This one’s for banning, this one just stuns.”
“You have messed with the wrong President. I am sending in my wife to kick ass. All that time she spent with a personal trainer better pay off.”
“You’d better plug that damn leak, or I’m going to throw this baseball at your head.”
“Do what I tell you to do or the next President will do something mean to you.”
I LOL’d at #1, bad sweetie.
Frank, you’re on a roll. I laughed-chuckled-snorted.
“Tea Baggers beware! I am the murder-death-kill President. Joe, Harry and Nancy, now GET IN THERE !!
Caleb Howe WIN!!
berry hussein: I’m gonna kick your ath you big poopy head mean oil company, just as soon as I finish my waffle you big silly thavage. Really! I am, just watch!
Get off my lawn!!……..Please.
“Watch out or I’ll open up a can of healthcare on your ass!
Is he going to renovate my arse?
My daughter wants to know if we plugged the hole yet, ASSWIPE!!!!!
BO: “OK. Now that I know whose ass to kick, I must procure a sturdy boot, with which to kick said ass.”
Re: #1
I. AM. IN. AWE!
I’m gonna take from you according to your ability and I’m gonna give to you according to your need and you’re gonna like it.
“I know where YOU’VE been, ya’ big military fairy!”
Release the Kraken!
Release the Jabberwocky!
I wonder: If Barry does finally “kick someones ass,” will he have to get the UN to pass some resolutions, first?
Yea, though I walk the the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, because I am the toughest sumbitch in the valley…
…if that’s okay with you, Michelle!
You better watch out. I’d kick your ass if it weren’t that I don’t want to hurt my foot.
Go ahead, punk. Watch me play !!!
Yippey kiyay, you capitalist rich oppressive oil barons !!!
I’ll use my U-238 plutonium detonator on you, (And he DOES look like the Marvin the Martian voice should be coming from that mouth)
I’m gonna be a Rescue Ranger, avoiding any stranger danger.
Teletubbies, ho !!!
I’m kicking your ass as soon as I get back from my vacation. It’s been two whole weeks since my last vacation, and being president is hard. So I’m going on vacation. But as soon as I get back, I’m kicking your ass. Seriously. Quit laughing at me. I’m going to tell Michelle. And Oprah. Yeah, I’m telling Oprah, and she’s going to kick your ass!!!!!!!!
Constitution? We don’t need no steeenking Constitution!
Say hello to my little thug friend… Rahm Emanuel
Constitution? We don’ need no steenkin’ Constitution!
I’m gonna get those BP executives.
Now watch this drive.
Left-of-center here. Linked by Google. Very funny article. Kudos. The comments, however, come off as whiny. Leave the joking to the pros, kids.
obama walking along the street stops various people and asks their name which he writes down. He stops one person asks her name and writes it down. The woman asks “what are you doing?” obama replies”I’m writing down the names of all the people whose asses I can kick” . the woman replies ” you can’t kick my ass!” obama replies “okay, I’ll erase that one””
You talkin’ to me? You talkin’ to me? Oh, well then I’m sorry, I should have paid attention the first time. It’s George Bush’s fault I didn’t hear you.
“…whose ass am I gonna kick”? Is this a foreign policy change from “whose ass am I gonna LICK”? [See “Protocols for Bowing to the Burger King”]
I know that I have made a committment to kick some ass. But kicking ass isn’t something you just go out.. and do. It’s complicated, like closing guantanamo, health care, financial regulation and vaction planning. Therefore I am going to appoint an ass-kiclking czar, to come up with a plan and set of policies that will enable us to kick some ass, but at the proper time and with the proper ass-kicked designees. We should avoid partisan politics entirely during our ass-kicking, and solely confine our ass-kicking to Tea-baggers and conservative talk show hosts. Ass-kicking does just not happen over night. Therefore I am directing the Ass-kicking czar to appoint a number of assistants to assist him, or her, as the case may be, in these endeavors. We shall call these assistant czars,…hmmm..Yes! Czardines!
Well, I guess this shows he’s been practicing with his blamethrower, but he still can’t hit the broad side of a barn.
The ass kicker in the family is NOT Barry! He is just the “hole plugger” as asked by his daughter. That is the same as getting his ass kicked every night!
What is best in life? To talk to your enemies without precondition, to bow before them, and hear the snickerings of his women.
I’m B. H. Obama. I’m ten pounds of John Edwards in a five pound sack. You might borrow my ass and my hat, but you better hand them back.
Don’t touch me there, you’re not my daddy!
Release the Killer Rabbit!