Are there really monkey annoyance experts as this article suggests? Because I have been worried that America is getting behind in the Science! of monkey annoyance and needs to start a well-funded monkey annoyance program. I even have some monkey annoyance theories to test, like I think a monkey would be really annoyed if you shook him while screaming at him… but I haven’t tried that in a lab setting.
Yes, I bet all you monkey annoyance experts are reading that and saying, “Those sound like the ideas of a monkey annoyance amateur.” Still, I think with some training I could be a great at the study of monkey annoyance. I’ve already had a lot of practice annoying cats and dogs and my wife and am really ready to move on the monkeys. I wouldn’t have come up with the idea to annoy monkeys with a flying squirrel (not being an expert like you guys), but I do have some creative monkey annoyance ideas like only lighting their cages with strobe lights and putting their favorite foods into clamshell packaging. I think together we can really learn a lot about monkeys and their annoyance.
Oh, and how do you know for a scientific certainty when the monkey is annoyed? With people, you know when because they say, “Man, I’m really annoyed.” Or if they’re Mexican, they say, “Man, I’m really annoyed. I’m from Mexico.” But with monkeys, I guess they just jump and screech and stuff when annoyed? Because that’s what I’m always aiming for — to make them jump and screech. I just want to make sure I’m doing it right.
Monkey Annoyance Experts. Funny, I don’t remember there being a Monkey Annoyance Expert as a career possibility from the job fairs of my youth. I mean, at my school there would have probably been a line at that desk. There were quite a few dummies at my school who would have jumped at the chance to become a Monkey Annoyance Expert and get paid for it! I bet that would be a great conversation starter while trying to pick up a chick in a bar.
“Yeah, honey, it’s a known fact few things can annoy a monkey like a flying rodent. Bats, squirrels, you name it. Wanna go to my place and hear the 101 ways to annoy a Monkey, darling?”
And the article says the annoyance of monkeys paves the way for new methods of enraging monkeys. Who knew there were people looking for ways to enrage monkeys? I always figured calling a chimpanzee a baboon would do the trick. “Hey, you filthy human, don’t call me a baboon!”
Given how vicious those monkeys can be when enraged, especially chimps, I wouldn’t want to enrage monkeys unless I had an assault rifle, a nice M-16A2 or maybe an M-14 or an MP5. You know, something than go full auto in the event of a pack of monkeys getting enraged at me.
I think they need to study the annoyance levels monkeys experience when they have hippies in their territory crying over dead trees. I think we would see a monkey-on-hippie beatdown.
@ Proud Infidel – youd want the M-14’s 7.62 round (M-14 is one of the best battle rifles ever) or a submachinegun in .45 caliber with +p rounds. that .556 round would piss off the monkeys. Ok, id settle for an AK in 7.62 also.
Are we studying Monkey Annoyance in an effort to prevent those things from happening?
Or because we want to pinpoint what pisses monkeys off so we can do it more? What about being smuggled in a monkey-belt – where does that fall on the Barometer o’ Monkey Troubles?
What about getting RECORDED MESSAGES from politicians? That’s got to rank pretty high. Like monkeys have the time to listen to that nonsense.
I just don’t know what the hell is going on around here. I need a federal grant.
acrazymic,
The M-14 would be my first choice too. I got to fire one and it is sooooo super sweet. Accurate too. I have a Chinese SKS which fires the same 7.62 round the AK does, in fact, my version of the SKS takes the magazines from an AK, it’s a sweet gun. That Russian 7.62 round is just about as potent as the .308 from what I’ve seen.
I still think an M-16 or an MP-5 would do some serious damage to a horde of enraged monkeys, though.
Hey, I just had an idea. Why don’t we lock the Congress with a horde of chimpanzees. Then we throw in a flying squirrel and sit back and watch the fun.
Proud Infidel – I’m not saying I don’t like this idea, but how would you tell the two groups apart?
Plus, everyone knows, the more squirrels, the better.
I’ve got a SKS too, I kept mine stock unfortunately. Screw the 7.62X39 though, just attach the bayonet. I bet that would annoy them pretty bad.
Squirrels annoy me too. Flying squirrels even more so. Except for Rocky the Flying Squirrel.
“I just want to make sure I’m doing it right.”
You’ll know when you get it just right, the monkey will tear off your face.
I was really disappointed. I thought they were experts on how monkeys annoy me. Like waking me in the middle of the night to point out little flashing lights in the sky. Or when they take the sports section first on Sunday and the shreiking when pelousy or oba ma is on tv, so constantly.
One way to annoy a monkey is ask them if forcing us to buy health care is constitutional, they hate that and start shreiking like a democrat. Oh wait that is democrats.
Annoying monkeys is easy, tell one to try to have an intelligent conversation with a poo flinging marxist democrat, they really hate that because its impossible.
I have a Louisville Slugger but I don’t play baseball. I need something to do. Sounds good to me. Stupid monkeys.
I was considering a “monkey annoyance” major, but then I realized that the job openings in that field are pretty limited.
Clearly, the analogy all these years is that Democrats are monkeys. Right, Frank?
So is the lead monkey annoyance expert the woman who got on the wrong nerve of that chimp in Connecticut? I’m pretty sure she’s got the most extensive field experience, in any case. Too soon?
I guess all the jobs for monkey annoyance graduates are fully occupied by the present administration.
It does not take a *monkey annoyance expert* to realize that the monkeys are getting annoyed because they aren’t getting their Obama stimulus cocaine fast enough: http://sharpelbowsstl.blogspot.com/2010/08/obama-stimulus-cash-buys-cocaine-for.html
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What?!?! Squirells can FLY????
Dang it, I gotta go back out to the lab now and redo all the math….
I’m thinking this is going to take a substantial amout of beer…
this poor little monkey was just informed about Obamacare
http://www.thoughtequity.com/video/clip/3452254_006.do
and he is very annoyed
These must be the same people who developed Hillarys cackle/laugh and Pelosi smile/voice. Those things are certainly not anything that darwinian nature ever would have devised.
Yo, Zephir! Can’t we all just be friends….Rocky, Third tree on the left, Tokyo
Remember that flying squirrels are generally nocturnal, whereas the monkeys are active during the day. Dr. Singh (who wasn’t involved in the study) isn’t sure what that means, but I bet it means that the monkeys are awake when its daylight out. I think another study is in order. Or have they already paved that sidewalk?
The best way to annoy monkeys is to restrict where they can smoke. Just say “Hey you monkeys, you can’t smoke in here, take it outside….
Proud Infadel – well Ill try not to turn this into a THR thread, but I have a Chi-Comm SKS, they were all made in 7.62 x 39mm, semi auto. So if you ever see a full auto SKS, somebody been playing with the trigger group. Always keep the SKS stock, you can dress it up with scopes and lasers and stocks, but that fancy stuff doesnt have much of a home on an SKS. I have a few other things, but the main one I was thinking about was my S&W .41 Magnum. Man, that thing would bag at least 3 monkeys with one round from over penetration alone. The ballistics of that round are friggin awesome.
They’re studying monkeys to learn more about human behavior?
So… they’ll use what they learn from studying the monkeys to create social programs to modify human society?
So… the monkeys act all crazy when they see a flying squirrel (at least when they know they’re being watched by the humans)?
Who is studying whom?
They’re studying monkeys to learn more about human behavior?
So… they’ll use what they learn from studying the monkeys to create social programs to modify human society?
So… the monkeys act all crazy when they see a flying squirrel (at least when they know they’re being watched by the humans)?
Who is studying whom?
Oops! Sorry.
acrazymic,
My Chi Comm SKS is semi-auto, I wouldn’t mess around and try to make it full auto.
I have a friend (a lawyer, of all things) who’s licensed to deal in the full auto stuff. Unfortunately he lives in upstate FLA so I don’t get to see him often. He’s had some AWESOME weapons like Vickers water cooled machine guns, MP-5s, full auto AK-47s, even the German STG-44 from WWII. The last time I visited him there was all sorts of stuff in his house, I almost cried for joy with all that hardware around me. He’s always fully legal and has all the paperwork up to date, he says the ATF can come in to his house any time and he better have the paperwork in order for each and every gun. He’s already been visited several times by the ATF.
Well 4of7, I guess you were monkeying around on your keyboard eh?
Yep, the ATF has to keep busy. Espcially keeping an eye on folks with FFl’s like your buddy. I have a Curio and Relic FFL, which makes me a licensed buyer of “antique” firearms, basically anything that is 50 years old or older, and every year, new items are added. Its a great value if you want Pre WWII, WWII/Korean War/early Cold War era stuff, lots of goodies!!!!. You can buy stuff like Garands, SKS, SVT-40’s, carbines, bolt actions, pistols of any nationality all day long and have them shipped to your door. And you had better have your paperwork in order lol. See this link for a thourogh explanation. It costs $30 dollars for a 3 year license. The link is a little old, but still very accurate. Like anything with the ATF – read carefully.
http://www.surplusrifle.com/shooting2005/howtogetyourcurionrelicffl03/index.asp
Thanks for the link, acrazymic. The Garand is one of my favorite rifles, I have one in mint shape. I also have a Mauser K98 Karbine bolt action rifle. It’s not all that valuable since it was converted to .308 before I got it, but it’s a wonderful, accurate rifle and a joy to shoot. It’s my favorite rifle I own.
No problem, check into that license, it can save you alot of money in transfer fees, ect. if you buy C&R firearms. Took me about 3 months from time I mailed the app into the ATF until I got the license in the mail. Since you like the Garand, check out the Tokarev SVT-40. It is an outstanding rifle. I used to have one, but sold it, and I kick myself every day for letting it go. Best shooting rifle I have ever had.
#30 – zzyzx,
yeah, I blame my antique coal-powered modem.
I hit submit, get a service screen that says ‘page not found’, go back, see my comment sitting there like it never went anywhere, hit submit again, and end up with a double-post.
I’ll have to watch out for that.
Shake their beer before they open it. That should annoy them.