10 Ways America Could be More Like China

[High Praise! to Dan]

Elizabeth Warren is out there saying we should emulate China because they’re spending a fortune on roads & bridges.

Maybe she’s been hanging out too long with Anita “Mao Tse-tung is my favorite political philosopher” Dunn.

But why stop at infrastructure? Surely there are other areas where we could be more like China.

I speculate thusly:
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Well, at least we’ll finally discover that ancient secret for getting clothes so clean.

1) Coolie hats (only if worn ironically)

2) Use chopsticks instead of forks. Still need to take them away from Hispanics at Obama fundraisers, since they’re an obvious stabbing hazard.

3) More little red books. Mostly because the magazine is too big to fit in your pocket.

4) All women have to wear skirts and march in formation

5) Forget bumper stickers. “Forward.” brand fortune cookies.

6) Wispy facial hair. Although I suppose the wearing-coolie-hats-ironically hipsters’ll probably have that part covered.

7) Invest in America – buy national debt. I think the Fed’s already on top of that one.

8) Large, iconic illustrations of our supreme political leader carried through the streets by people who are forbidden from criticizing that leader. Oh, wait

9) Is Warren hinting that we’ll all soon be conscripted to build Obama’s high-speed intercontinental railroad?

10) We get our moon program back!
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Also, we’ll finally get that wall on our border to stifle the rushing hordes of foreign invaders.

13 Comments

  1. @Laurence: The Canadians would probably want the wall to keep us impoverished Americans from illegally migrating. After all, thanks to Mr. Obama we’re now the second wealthiest country in North America.

  2. We can support women’s rights by legislating that they abort any baby after the first. That’s Chinese, right?

    We could give NBC & CBS their way and have a totally state-controlled media (only while a Democrat is office, obviously).

  3. All women have to wear skirts and march in formation

    The Dems would have to give up their precious diversity, and institute compulsory military service for women, to get a large enough group of female soldiers to match them perfectly in height and body size, allowing them to march in formation “like” the Chinese women. That was freakin’ AWESOME. The arm-swinging to bring the gloved hand across the body was mesmerizing. I think the Chinese have discovered a new art form.

  4. Zaklog the Great says: We can support women’s rights by legislating that they abort any baby after the first. That’s Chinese, right?

    This is a scurrilous lie. Chinese women are free to choose sterilization or infanticide in lieu of abortion. Get your facts straight before you defame an entire culture, buddy.

  5. I know. We could produce brand name products with foreign investment and then set-up national companies, steal the copyrights and produce crappy knock-offs.

    No standards, no morals = my two stereotypes about China.

  6. I’m seeing Straight Line – Madlibs style?

    Answer:
    _____ said we should be more like China and build a wall on our border because ________________.

    Question:
    Kathleen Sebelius, because the death panels needed a place for the bodies.
    (poor taste?)

  7. Ooh! Ooh! Don’t forget creating environmental damage on a scale that would make BP blush! That’s Chinese too, right? We should totally jump on that.

    It shouldn’t be too hard to persuade the New York Times and Newsweek to ignore/actively cover up the deaths of dozens of children in a preventable disaster, as long as they get to keep rhapsodizing about how marvelous Obama is.

    Also, we can create a long term plan that temporarily creates prosperity but will cause us to crash hard when the age balance of our population suddenly goes way out of balance. Having about half our working population taking care of the elderly should create jobs, right? I guess if that doesn’t work, we’ll just kill off the elderly. I’m sure liberals will find some sweet name that will get everyone on board with that.

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