China is planning a mission to the moon. If they launch anything to the moon, we’re going to shoot it down, right? I mean, we can’t have another country up there on our moon possibly messing with the flags we put there. What if they put a red commie flag on the moon and made it a commie moon instead of an ultra-libertarian moon like Heinlein predicted?
Here, I have an idea: What if we did something really intimidating to keep anyone away from our moon. Like I dunno… maybe like nuke it or something. It’s a good idea if we don’t want commies crawling all over it like little red ants. If you’re in the U.S. government and think this is an amazing idea, please contact me. I have lots of hand made drawings of how to do this and how cool the aftermath should look.
We already claimed the moon and planted our flag.
I think that by 2020, they’re scheduled (repeat, *scheduled*) date for landing on the moon, we’ll have nuked it.
Dear Chinese,
You can visit our moon if you want, but you might come back with three eyes or something.
Love always,
The people who nuked the moon when they had a chance
—
C’mon people. Do you really want to be the people who didn’t send that letter? Let’s nuke it already.
you guys know that there’s already Soviet flags up there, right?
anyway, what we should really do is restart our moon program so we can put a cranky old man up there to yell “get off my moon!” and shake his fist when the Chinese arrive.
To get to the moon, the Chi-Coms will have to fight their way through the Space Nazis who built the first moon colony in 1945.
blarg – Will shotguns work on the moon? It’s hard to chase commies off your moon without putting a double-shot of rock salt in their britches.
blarg, flags only count if a person put them there. I mean, in theory you could build a big enough catapult to toss a flag up there. It doesn’t mean you claimed anything.
If their moon training program’s anything like their Olympic training program, then I bet a Chinese astronaut can hold their breath for a good 8 or 9 days by now.
Don’t be fooled. They’re going to the moon because they believe moon dust is an aphrodisiac and is good for digestion.
I bet the Chinese press will report that they landed on the moon and that the Chinese astronauts found the moon’s surface to have a curious texture. A few days later the Western press will report that the Chinese actually landed on a giant sex toy.
Guess we’ll be seeing Chinese flags in the Arizona desert any day now.
What’s the big deal? I mean NASA faked the moon landings, right? All the lefty conspiracy theorists say it was fake. It’s on the internet, and that means it’s true, right? Do I really need to insert a /sarc?
“If you’re in the U.S. government and think this is an amazing idea, please contact me. I have lots of hand made drawings of how to do this and how cool the aftermath should look.”
Dear U.S. Government,
Don’t listen to Frank J. Electrical Engineers don’t know how to get to the moon let alone build a nucular device to detonate there. Besides, he hates Science!
For example, can he do this?
T = 2¶·√a³/µ
Call me, instead. I’m really cheap.
Orbitally yours,
Aeronautical Jimbo Jim Jim
What Would Dubya Do?
Nuke the Moon!
(IMW: June 16, 2003 – old IMAO archives)
Not the famous essay – the other one!
http://www.imao.us/archives/000715.html