Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
To avoid being spied on by the government, experts recommend…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
To avoid being spied on by the government, experts recommend…
…changing your first name to Mohammed or Yasmin.
… declaring membership in a “protected class” and toeing the current government line.
… paying their fees in small, unmarked bills left in plain brown wrappers behind the trash can on the 4th level of the parking garage.
…dying
…joining “the party”
…doing as you’re told
…voting the bums out
…wearing a tinfoil hat
. . . tinfoil hats, the preferred remedy of unhinged paranoids the world over. Oh, wait . . .
… a government program to assist people in avoiding spying by the government.
(Why? Because experts ALWAYS recommend a new government program for everything!)
. . . the purchase of an ambassadorship from a Chicago pol. Diplomatic immunity, b!tches!
… discarding all computers, telephones, televisions, music players, and the like. And set fire to them, because you can never be too sure, and “kill it with fire” is always a solid option.
Sizeable donations to Organizing For America.
…volunteer for that one way trip to Mars
…go on a reality TV show
…use the handbook written by Russian and other Iron Curtain dissidents in the 70’s and 80’s.
…going to work for the State Department, the IRS, or becoming the Attorney General.
…stop, drop, and roll.
…duck and weave.
…running serpentine.
…using cute sounding internet names like ‘Anonymiss’ or ‘Grumpy Cat’.
…shooting down spy drones with your shotgun.
…tin foil hats
… sneaking over the border from Mexico.
… using an EBT card or a government-issued credit card.
… getting in line a second time to vote Democratic.
…being an illegal immigrant
… singuay odescay orfey ouryay essagesmay otay onfusecay ethay omputerscay.
… start every call by pretending to be an ambassador in distress begging for life-saving help.
Buying cars made before 1975…buying Victrolas or other hand-cranked record players, reel-to-reel or cassette players…reinvesting in the Morse Telegraph…keeping one’s head down whenever outside of one’s residence or out on a city street.
… performing all communication via on-air segments on MSNBC. That way, no one will see them.
…becoming an illegal alien half-brother of Obamandias because spying would then be RACIST!!!
… checking the “do not spy on me box” on your 1040. You’d be amazed how many people overlook that one.
…be an anchor on MSNBC. no one will watch you.
… avoiding any more references to GDF libertarian thieves, or else Harvey will provide the feds with a tip on you.
To avoid being spied on by the government, experts recommend…
…their brand new book, “How not be spied upon by the Government.” Only 29.95 Hardcover, 12.95 Kindle.
To avoid being spied on by the government, experts recommend…
…Bribes of bacon and cookies.
To avoid being spied on by the government, experts recommend…
..telling you how to do it, but then the Government would find out and we’d be back to square one won’t we Squire?
To avoid being spied on by the government, experts recommend…
…lead a boring, humdrum, do nothing life that will kill any interest in you by the government, or from anyone else for that matter.
To avoid being spied on by the government, experts recommend…
…sending the government an exhaustive list of everything you do everyday in excruciating detail that numbs the senses and robs the soul of all it’s humanity, or just update your Facebook page, same thing.
….ricin beans. 🙁
…can’t be done. get over it.
“… avoiding any more references to GDF libertarian thieves”
I, for one, welcome the end of references to GDF thieves of a Libertarian inclination and their status as scum of the Earth.
…place a “NO SPYING ZONE” sign in front of your computer.
Moving to Hong Kong.
To avoid being spied on by the government, experts recommend…
…making no sudden movements, they detect motion.
To avoid being spied on by the government, experts recommend…
…inserting the Constitution in everything you write, circle and highlight the Fourth Amendment.
To avoid being spied on by the government, experts recommend…
…wait until they are not looking.
To avoid being spied on by the government, experts recommend…
…include a note from Epstein’s Mother excusing you from being spied upon that day.
… hiding inside a giant manila folder labeled “Obama’s College Records.”
Epstein’s Mother was a great little coffee house in the Village back in the early 60s.
To avoid being spied on by the government, experts recommend…
…don’t leave that ladder next to the Sorority window.
…not asking them as there email is being read.
…be suspicious when some high ranking government official gives you an Ipod for a gift when you visit.
…label everything “Michelle Obama Nude Photos!!11!!
….signing up for welfare/SSDI/EBT/Section 8/Medicaid etc, preferably, all of the above, under as many names that sound Arab, Russian or Mexican as you can think up.
To avoid being spied on by the government, experts recommend…
…stop signing everything “Rockwell”.
… moving to a freedom loving country, like China.
“…put your telephone in a paper sack, wave it over your head, and scream like a chicken.”
To avoid being spied on by the government, experts recommend…
… one fool proof method guaranteed to end the government’s ability to spy on you. Simply remo
To avoid being spied on by the government, experts recommend…
…Pay not attention to the above post citizen. Nothing to see here. Move along please. [NSA approved posting]
To avoid being spied on by the government, experts recommend…
…Stop voting for Democrats/Liberals/Socialists for chrissakes! Do I have to paint a picture for you? Come, on! Show the world you got a couple of functioning brain cells and some balls left in ya!
…Get Harry Potter into a poker game and try to win his Cloak of Invisability.
…Purchase and deploy a SEP field generator.
hiding under Dennis Kucinich
…just grant them access to all your information so they don’t have to “spy’ to get it.
…stop thinking of it as “spying” and instead think of it as “protecting”.
Straight Line of the Day: To Avoid Being Spied on by the Government, Experts Recommend…
…move to Benghazi. There they’ll ignore even IF you phone and email them.
…
…higher taxes.
…rich people need to be spied on more because they aren’t doing their fair share.
…that you rise and face your telescreen for today’s Two Minutes Hate.
To avoid being spied on by the government, experts recommend…
…to let Google do it for them.
Straight Line of the Day: To Avoid Being Spied on by the Government, Experts Recommend…
…Filling out a job application for US Government
…a visit to Jack Kevorkian’s office
…take the blue pill
…”no phone calls!” – according to retired NSA agent Edward Lyle
……. Contact Aquaman and get him to take you to Atlantis where you can live in a different kind of fishbowl for the rest of your life.
. . . using mental floss three times daily.
…get a job as an IRS Lawyer or plan to bomb a marathon.
To Avoid Being Spied on by the Government, Experts Recommend… …that you never make a post at www DOT imao.us
…being the person who is Barack H. Obama that stars in the movie Being Barack H. Obama.
…convincing a higher power to trade places with you. They will not attempt to spy on someone they don’t think exists.
…try to get noticed by being funnier than the first 57 punchlines today.
Buy all the Alcoa stock you can.
(make that 60)
… changing countries, appearance, name and Tech Level.
…just deny that it’s happening. According to Quantum Mechanics, if it isn’t observed, it didn’t happen!!!!111!1000111!!!!11100000111111111101010101 (those are strange quantum bits! Yikes!)
@66 – Say, is that a “Bender’s Big Score” reference?
http://tech.karbassi.com/2008/01/15/futurama-benders-big-score-binary-joke/
…being somewhat smaller than an electron and hiding out in Barack Obama’s credibility.
…a mid level anonymity approach: Moving to Hillary Clinton’s cleavage – or better yet, Highly Secure: Michael Moore’s butt crack.
…not claiming to be a government expert or looking like you might listen to one.
…ansible free interstellar travel, but remember to cancel your subscriptions to Reason and National Review.
. . . changing your name to Jeremiah Wright. As I recall, Obama sat in his church for twenty years and never heard anything the man said.
…communicate only using newspeak, occasionally chanting, “War is peace, freedom is slavery, and ignorance is strength.”
…working for the government itself. Nobody seems to know what’s it’s up to.
To avoid being spied on by the government, experts recommend…
…that whatever you do always refer to them as “Loretta”.
@67 – nah, I’m not that cultured.
@60 That’s funny
moving to the Andromeda galaxy
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