[High Praise! to American Power]
Yes.
Best
Instruction
Manual
Ever
Sincerely,
B. Obama
[High Praise! to seanmahair]
_______________
Apparently this is to address “the needs of a growing Muslim community“.
I’ve got some needs for you.
My child needs to celebrate “Christmas” with a manger and the hymns of the season. My child needs to celebrate Easter with its focus on the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. My child needs there to be prayer in the morning before school starts and before they leave for the day. My child needs prayers before contests, events, and before testing as prayer settles the mind and brings peace and harmony to the soul. My child needs an hour off daily to attend a church class that he now has to get up at 5:30 in the morning to attend (when school is in session) to help him to navigate the dangerous path laid before him by those who do not believe as he does. My child needs to not be exposed to pornography masquerading as literature, science fiction instead of scientific theory, libertine behavior disguised as health class, and abhorrent, immoral, illegal and uncivilized behavior that is on display by teachers and students alike and called “freedom of expression” while my child is told how and what and when they can “express their freedom”.
Either all religion is banned or none are.
_______________
[High Praise! to Nuking Politics]
This is one of those “audience participation” posts, and since Moon Nukers are the best participationists in the world, maybe you could pile on with this one?
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]
Ask not 4 whom the bell tolls. It tolls 4 thee, and at a price that won't take a "toll" on your budget. Name's Miller. I'm a bell salesman.
— Jason Miller (@longwall26) June 17, 2013
"I’m gonna get a tattoo that says 'Helvetica', written in Arial. When a woman corrects me on it, I will marry her.”
— Shelby White (@ShelbyWhite) June 17, 2013
Lucius Fox tenders resignation if Obama does not destroy PRISM machine.
— Andrew Kaczynski (@BuzzFeedAndrew) June 17, 2013
"hey jay" "sup world war" "how u doin' dragon ball" – the z family reunion
— Andy Levy (@andylevy) June 17, 2013
So, to sum up, Snowden was surprised that the NSA spies on people, thinks Hong Kong is free, and that you can pet a phoenix.
— jimgeraghty (@jimgeraghty) June 17, 2013
"Shot through the heart, and you're to blame." – terrible Bon Jovi song, great Bon Jovi suicide note
— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) June 17, 2013
Is what Miss Utah said any more incoherent than the dumbest thing Chris Matthews says in any given week?
— Kyle Smith (@rkylesmith) June 17, 2013
I still don't understand what's so objectionable about having to show ID in order to vote. Won't people have to show ID to get Obamacare?
— Kevin Eder (@keder) June 17, 2013
They never call Guitar Hero by its other name: Everything Else Disappointment.
— dan guterman (@danguterman) June 17, 2013
I wonder if the coach of the opposing team on Air Bud got fired when he explained to the principal how a golden retriever outscored his team
— Rob Fee (@robfee) June 17, 2013
French people give me the crepes.
— Bad Apple (@antijokeapple) June 17, 2013
[High Praise! to Michelle Obama’s Mirror]
Lady M was so rattled by a LGBT heckler at the DNC fundraiser she was addressing yesterday
that her big brain temporarily shut down, and an uncharacteristic flash of anger leapt out:
“The pool reported that Obama left the lectern toward the protestor saying that they could ‘listen to me or you can take the mic, but I’m leaving. You all decide. You have one choice.'”
In a response that presented an alternative somewhere between a conundrum and a false dilemma, Lady M created her own new logic fallacy: the “Vamoose Conundrum.” It’s “telling people they have a choice between two options, immediately followed by a declaration that negates the first one.”
Anonymiss of Nuking Politics picked her favorite punchlines to Harry Reid Wants Nevada to Be Defined As a “Border State”. Also to Be Defined…
Click here to see if you made the cut.
If you did, you should probably email Keln about becoming a guest blogger there.
If you didn’t, Anonymiss has got another straight line for you to practice on.
Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.
In a country of 300 million people, there is a certain degree of audacity required for anybody to say, “I’m the best person to lead this country.”
BARACK OBAMA, Washington Post, Nov. 18, 2006
“Fortunately, Lincoln’s ‘all of the people, some of the time‘ thing goes double on election days. You go, Abraham!”
So here’s something kind of scary: This woman to prove a point, buys a gun and gets a carry permit — except she’s insanely ignorant and fearful of the gun at her hip. I guess her point was: “Here I am, a mentally unstable person without the faintest bit of common sense and I obtained a gun!” She even talks about how when she goes in Starbucks, she thinks of how easy it would be to open fire on the children around her. She’s like a psychopath or something. Who knows what she’ll do next — maybe make a pipe bomb.
I guess the idea is this should scare us into more restrictions for guns to make sure in the future people like her with childlike minds are unable to obtain a firearm, and it’s sort of a convincing argument. But insane, scared people obtaining guns to make weird political points is thankfully very rare and not something we should base policy decisions on. But if you’re heading out today and thinking of carrying, remember there are people out there like Heidi Yewman who is armed, unstable, and thinking about shooting children. Protect yourself.
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
After learning of the NSA’s spying program, China…
President Obama wants to assure you he is not Dick Cheney… if anyone was operating under that assumption. You know, they accuse Cheney of a lot of things — being evil, going to war to increase his profits at Halliburton, being more machine than man, biting the heads off kittens — but what no one accuses Cheney of is being incompetent. So I think Obama has a long way to go until anyone would realistically mistake him for Dick Cheney.
Sure, Obama is trying to imitate Cheney — but in the way a kid would tie a red blanket around his neck and imitate Superman. But no one is going to mistake that kid for the real Superman. And no one actually mistakes Obama for Cheney… the man who shot his friends in the face with a shotgun and we can only imagine what he did to terrorists.
So when Obama blows people up with drones and spies on everyone, we don’t think, “Here’s a terrible force we should fear!” we think “Here’s a bumbling idiot who has no idea what he’s doing we should fear!”
Is there a country we’re not spying on? If so, what am I paying taxes for?
You know Snowden donated to Ron Paul, right? Just keep that in my mind before you act surprised by crazy behavior.
But remember that time a beauty pageant contestant really nailed the answer to her question and brought the country together?
Eric Holder has done a great job protecting the rights of the American people other than everything.
Am I going to lose followers if I start talking about politics?
We don’t need NASA anymore; we’re done with space. We found everything up there there is to find.
I fought the law and the law won, but now I have a sword with +5 damage to the law.
“You’re kinda like Dick Cheney, Obama”
“NO. I’M. NOT.” **shoots guy in the face with a shotgun**
I, for the life of me, will never understand why any of my tax dollars go to PBS and NPR.
Kind of annoying on Amazon how often the digital download for a PC game is more expensive than the physical copy.
I don’t get all this talk about the gender wage gap; nothing is preventing women from disguising themselves as men.
“fair share”: whatever amount the person who earned the money feels like sharing