Ask not 4 whom the bell tolls. It tolls 4 thee, and at a price that won't take a "toll" on your budget. Name's Miller. I'm a bell salesman.

— Jason Miller (@longwall26) June 17, 2013

"I’m gonna get a tattoo that says 'Helvetica', written in Arial. When a woman corrects me on it, I will marry her.”

— Shelby White (@ShelbyWhite) June 17, 2013

Lucius Fox tenders resignation if Obama does not destroy PRISM machine.

— Andrew Kaczynski (@BuzzFeedAndrew) June 17, 2013

"hey jay" "sup world war" "how u doin' dragon ball" – the z family reunion

— Andy Levy (@andylevy) June 17, 2013

So, to sum up, Snowden was surprised that the NSA spies on people, thinks Hong Kong is free, and that you can pet a phoenix.

— jimgeraghty (@jimgeraghty) June 17, 2013

"Shot through the heart, and you're to blame." – terrible Bon Jovi song, great Bon Jovi suicide note

— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) June 17, 2013

Is what Miss Utah said any more incoherent than the dumbest thing Chris Matthews says in any given week?

— Kyle Smith (@rkylesmith) June 17, 2013

I still don't understand what's so objectionable about having to show ID in order to vote. Won't people have to show ID to get Obamacare?

— Kevin Eder (@keder) June 17, 2013

They never call Guitar Hero by its other name: Everything Else Disappointment.

— dan guterman (@danguterman) June 17, 2013

I wonder if the coach of the opposing team on Air Bud got fired when he explained to the principal how a golden retriever outscored his team

— Rob Fee (@robfee) June 17, 2013

French people give me the crepes.

— Bad Apple (@antijokeapple) June 17, 2013