NOW It Makes Sense

[High Praise! to Gunslinger’s Journal]

I Wish I Lived in Syria

[High Praise! to Freedom Is Just Another Word]

Don’t Worry, Obama Will Keep Us Safe!

The Associated Press reports that Al-Qaeda fighters in Mali may have obtained a missile capable of taking down a passenger jet.

Obama’s worried about this. Al-Qaeda doesn’t have phone records to pull.

You’ve Been Judged!

Anonymiss of Nuking Politics picked her favorite punchlines to With Harvey in Charge, IMAO’s New Tagline Should Be…

Click here to see if you made the cut.

If you did, you should probably email Keln about becoming a guest blogger there.

If you didn’t, Anonymiss has got another straight line for you to practice on.

Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.

And whatever you do, don’t upset Anonymiss. Although *I* may run things around here with a just and even hand while I forcibly repress those who dare question my expansive authority, Her Infinite Majesty Empress Kitten the First has simply gone mad with power.

On the other hand, this could very well lead to the world’s greatest bacon cookie recipe, so there’s an upside.

Assuming you guys manage to avoid being tossed into the Janeane Garofalo Memorial Dungeon of Unfunniness until it’s perfected.

Whatever the Opposite of Sandra Fluke Is

[High Praise! to Anonymiss of Nuking Politics]

Link of the Day: Satire – President Obama Astounded to Discover that He is Married

[High Praise! to The People’s Cube]

President Obama Astounded to Discover that He is Married

BONUS LINK:

Say, you know that thing where I post something and ask if you guys can figure out a way to turn it into a political metaphor?

Yeah… someone else could use your help with that, too, if you’re of a mind to lend a hand.

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

Shut Up, Crime! Bloomberg’s on the Case!

A new report shows that New York City’s 911 system can take hours to dispatch an ambulance.

On the bright side: only 5 minutes to send a cop if someone oversalts their food.

Obama Warned Us – Good Legislation

A good compromise, a good piece of legislation, is like a good sentence; or a good piece of music. Everybody can recognize it. They say, “Huh. It works. It makes sense.”

BARACK OBAMA, The New Yorker, May 31, 2004

“Which may explain why you haven’t heard anyone say that since I’ve been in office.”

You’ve Been Judged!

Anonymiss of Nuking Politics picked her favorite punchlines to “After Learning of the NSA’s Spying Program, China…

Click here to see if you made the cut.

If you did, you should probably email Keln about becoming a guest blogger there.

If you didn’t, Anonymiss has got another straight line for you to practice on.

Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.

Straight Line of the Day: The Best Thing About an Obamaphone…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

The best thing about an Obamaphone

Update to plugins

JavaUpdateI got an update for my computer. From Java.

I am so over Java. I’m beginning to not have bad feelings about Microsoft, that’s how so far over Java I am.

And Adobe. Oh my goodness.

Every time I turn around, there’s another update for Java or for Adobe. When are these people ever gonna get it right?

Sure, updates are needed from time to time on anything. But, when the update is an improvement to functionality, that’s one thing. But constant security updates? That’s crazy.

Don’t turn this into a Windows vs OS X vs Linux vs whatever debate. The problem I’m talking about isn’t the operating system. You see, these Java updates? They happen on all the systems. Adobe updates? All platforms need them. Oh, yeah, there are others, but these are the two I see the most on varying systems. And, more often than not, it seems, it’s a security update.

That makes me wonder: how secure are we?

Why do we need all these plugins anyway? Why couldn’t Microsoft or Apple go ahead and include that functionality in the operating system to begin with? Well, they do. Only, they aren’t compatible.

If you’re running Windows, Microsoft included support for WMV files: Windows Media Player. If you’re running OS X, Apple included support for MOV files: QuickTime. And, out of the box, they are incompatible. Sure, you can get plugins to play WMV files on OS X and plugins to play MOV files on Windows, but there we go with plugins again. It’s not core OS functionality.

Then, we all get caught up in things like Java or Adobe products. But Java, after all its original hype and promise turned out to be nothing more than a way for hackers to get into your computer. Well, maybe it’s more than that, but it’s certainly opened many computers up to nefarious individuals.

Flash is the same way. Though Flash didn’t originate with Adobe, Adobe bought out Macromedia and added Flash to its stable of unstable products. And Flash, while not as vulnerable to outsiders as Java, will beat your system’s resources to a pulp, eventually locking it up or causing you to reboot before it does.

Flash is the devil. As is Java. And we invited them into our homes and onto our computers.

Say what you will about Apple, their move to reject Flash on their mobile devices (iOS) was eventually followed by Android (latest two versions). That means that the vast majority of mobile devices won’t play Flash content. And, as older versions of Android (that do support Flash) are replaced by current versions, the percentage of Flash-enabled mobile devices gets smaller and smaller. And that’s a good thing.

Flash and Java are like Obamacare: they promise great things, but really can’t deliver on those promises. Or, when they do, the cost is too great.

Maybe I’m just getting old. Or even more old. I think I’ll go yell at the kids to get off my lawn. And for Java and Adobe to get off my computer.

What’s Frank up to?

frankjwhI’m sure you noticed that is away for a bit. Well, he said he would be gone for a while. But, he really didn’t say what he was up to.

I did notice that last Friday, Frank expressed disappointment (to put it mildly) with Microsoft’s new Xbox One, and the policies around it. Then, Tuesday, Frank said he would be away for a while. Finally, yesterday, Microsoft suddenly did an about-face on those policies.

Coincidence? I think not.

I wonder what else Frank has in store for the next several days. Any guesses? Any suggestions, in case he finishes his to-do list early?

If You’ve Seen One Stradivarius, You’ve Seen Them All

Speaking of the IRS scandal on CNN, Democrat Congressman Elijah Cummings said “the case is solved” and it’s time to “move on”.

Inspector Clouseau couldn’t have said it any better.