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1. Rights come with responsibilities, the most basic of these is the obligation to obey the (just) laws of the United States.

   Until we can communicate (if we ever can) with non-human animals, and determine their ability to understand our society, and our law, they can’t fulfill that obligation, and are therefore ineligible to enjoy the rights of human society. I believe primates in general (along with a few other animals) are due some protection within the laws of man, sure, but those are protections given by man, not inherent by virtue of humanity.

   Right to freedom of expression, publication, religion? Well, I’ve never known a chimp to pray, or light incense, or ring a bell, or write for a paper. They can make chimp noises if they want, as long as I’m not asleep, doesn’t bother me.
   Right to keep and bear arms? Pretty sure Chimps are the most irresponsible gun owners ever. This however, does include the inherent right to self-defense regardless of method or tools employed, which all living things have, even against man. They usually lose, but that’s why we’re top of the food chain, baby!
   That whole not boarding troops in Chimp housing thing? Marines actually do really well in trees, Sorry Chimps, but you might need to step aside next time there’s a Congo dictator that needs lead-ifying.
   Deprivation of liberty and property without due process? “The prosecution calls Bonko T Panzee to the stand. Bonko, where were you on the night of June 6th 2014?” *poo flinging and screeching* Yep, can’t see a Chimp even hiring a competent lawyer…
   A grand jury could indict a ham sandwich, so there’s that…

   Again, how is this thing a person? I could argue the same for the pile of stuff growing on that soda can I knocked behind my desk some point during the last election (apparently). The difference being, I believe this thing is actually about to declare voting rights….

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