It’s time to answer your questions. At least, the questions you left that weren’t already answered.
I’ve been happy with the answers that you — well, some of you — have given to other somes of you. Sure, you’re leaving the question for us to answer, but you are one of us. We accept you, one of us. Google gobble.
However, there were some questions that weren’t answered, or needed further clarification. We’ll do that now.
walruskkkch: How much money does one have to contribute to IMAO to become a named character in Frank J’s next novel?
DamnCat: Dogs, Am I right?
*whimper*
DamnCat: What question can’t you answer?
What question can’t you ask?
Harvey: According to the movies, Godzilla had a son. Was Godzilla the mother or the father?
Minilla was hatched from an abandoned egg, and rescued by Godzilla. Minilla is not Godzilla’s biological son. Godzilla is a male, which is obvious since King Kong would never hit a female.
Harvey: Also, who was the other parent?
Harvey, you are the father.
Rihar: Why aren’t there girlsenberries?
There are, but they just aren’t that into you.
walruskkkch: Did Thanos have a 50-50 chance of also disappearing when he snapped his fingers?
Yes. That’s why he had the look of surprise on his face after the snap. He wasn’t sure if he would survive. Which means he believed the rules he set forth should apply to him as well. Which makes him a lot better than every politician today. Which is why I’m please to announce we’re endorsing Thanos 2020!
Oppo: Apparently Game of Thrones left a Starbuck’s cup in full view in one scene. Have they just given up even caring?
I don’t even care, so it’s okay for them to not even care.
Oppo: Doesn’t “Fear the Walking Dead” pretty much go without saying?
Then why did you say it?
Oppo: Is the ad agency that came up with Pajama Boy still getting clients?
Yes, once again proving that no one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the average person.
Harvey: What do you get if you multiply six by nine?
42.
Oppo: Who on earth gave Michael Richards advice on how to handle hecklers?
He wasn’t on earth when he got that advice.
Slapout: Did Spacemonkey ever make it to space?
Yes, he just hasn’t made it back.
Oppo: If you name your kid Ralph Malph and let him hang around with greaser/biker Fonzie and someone named “Potsie,” is it safe to assume you have no parenting skills whatsoever?
I don’t think so. Hear me out. First his dad was Harry and ran a dress shop. Then, his name was Mickey, was an optometrist, and looked like one of the Nazis from Hogan’s Heroes, then like Howard Sprague from Andy Griffith. His mom Hazel looked like the cigar lady from Kentucky Fried Movie, then she was called Minnie, but no one ever saw her. Ralph killed and replaced his parents. More than once. They’re the real victims here.
Oppo: {Looks at avatar} This is me on my first day at Parris Island, after being called a maggot and a grabastic piece of whale excrement. What do you think of my chances?
If you ladies leave the island, if you survive recruit training, you will be a weapon. You will be a minister of death praying for war. But until that day, you are pukes.
Bob B: Why did “Firefly” get cancelled?
So the geniuses at Fox could make room for Fastlane, Bernie Mac, and Wanda At Large.
Oppo: Do naysayers have any other pompous affectations we can make fun of?
Yes, we particularly like to make fun of names that are palindromes.
If you have any questions you’d like IMAO to answer, just leave it in the comments, or email us at Ask.IMAO.Anything@gmail.com. Some of your questions will be answered in the comments by others of you. The rest, we’ll answer in a future post. Probably 2 or 3 times a week. Maybe more. We haven’t really put any thought into this. If we had, we probably wouldn’t do it. Like most everything.
Would you rather burp every time you lean in for a kiss or drool every time you talk?
Why not both?
You can only pick one answer. This is a test.
But if I don’t do both, Mistress Wanda will punish me for being a bad bad boy.
You mean you’re not like me and sometimes get called a Bad Boy for something as trivial as not taking out the trash on first demand?
I think it’s safe to say we all want to be like you.
Be careful who you want to be like. It’s Casual Friday and I’m walking around the office in nothing but boxer shorts.
Who wouldn’t want to be doing that?
Obama, my sources say he likes to walk around his mansion in designer panties from Victoria’s Secret.
Basil – Aren’t you supposed to answer questions not ask them?
That’s your question?
Yes. Is that your answer?
What do you think?
Isn’t thinking your job around here?
I don’t.
I’m with you. I don’t want to walk around In Cliffy’s underwear either.
Hadn’t thought about the underwear part, thanks for that image.
Can you give me any more reasons why my loss wasn’t my fault?
Well, I’m not saying it’s Aliens, because that’s walruskkkch’s gag and it would be rude to steal it.
And now criminally ;punishable, I was able to bribe, ahem, donate to a Nancy Pelosi charity and it will become law with the next spending bill.
How many dimes in a sh1tload?
How many in a metric sh1tload?
Q: How many dimes in a sh1tload? A: There are enough dimes in a sh1t-load to pay the toll for the Le Petomane Thruway for all of Taggart’s gang.
Why does Walruskkkch have DamnCat in a box with Psycho written on it?
I deny any knowledge of a cat in a box. That makes the question neither alive nor dead for theoretical purposes.
What difference, at this point, does it make?
Who’s your favorite Canadian?
Seagram’s Seven.
Shania Twain.
This is a level of useless trivia far beyond that of mortal man.
“I don’t think so. Hear me out. First his dad Harry and ran a dress shop. Then, his name was Mickey, was an optometrist, and looked like one of the Nazis from Hogan’s Heroes, then like Howard Sprague from Andy Griffith. His mom Hazel looked like the cigar lady from Kentucky Fried Movie, then she was called Minnie, but no one ever saw her. Ralph killed and replaced his parents. More than once. They’re the real victims here.”
At least his late parents are out of their misery.
Aren’t those of us who survived those “happy days” and who vividly recall the human abomination that was Ralph Malph the actual real victims here?
What would you call someone or something that isn’t from Earth but comes to visit?
I’m not saying I’d call them unwelcome….but they’re unwelcome.
I mean, they don’t write, they don’t call – they just show up? That’s rude.
Who was President of the United states on April 5, 1841?
Why, when I pressed “Post Comment” I was sent to a screen reading thus.
Bad Request
Your browser sent a request that this server could not understand.
Size of a request header field exceeds server limit.
That’s why Batman is the best —
At his parents’ behests
He got a rad bequest
To counter bad requests.
.
The NSA computer which filters all traffic caught the words “President of the United States” in your comment, and attached a long encrypted string to its header field that alerted its subsidiary computers to review it. This string of code was inadvertently left in when the comment was routed to IMAO’s server, making the header too large for the server to process.
Ooooh.
In the 1962 film King Kong vs Godzilla, aka Kingu Kongu tai Gojira, which ending is more satisfying. The Japanese version with Godzilla swimming away or the American version with King Kong swimming away.
The French version with Fay Wray swimming away.
If bears sh*t in the woods where do Polar bears cr^p?
Pingback: Ask IMAO: Answers #3 - Usapang Pinas
Who am I?
Can I condemn this man to slavery?
Pretend I do not see his agony?
This sinner sent, who bears my face,
who goes to judgement in my place?
Who am I?
Can I conceal myself forevermore?
Pretend I’m not the man I was before?
And must my name, until I die
be no more than an alibi?
Must I lie?
How can I ever face my fellow man?
How can I ever fare myself again?
My soul belongs to God, I know,
I made that bargain long ago.
He gave me hope, when hope was gone,
he gave me strength to journey on,
Who am I?
Who wrote the book of Love?
Bill Clinton.
Who put the ram in the rama-lama-ding-dong?
Don’t forget the bop in the bop shoo bop.
Does Frank J get kickbacks for mentioning video games in his Random Thoughts? I bought “Baba Is You” on his recommendation (it was a good purchase).
While “Real” Socialism has never been tried anywhere, according to the Left, what place or places have tried the nearest thing to “Real” Socialism and how successful were those attempts?
What was Willis talking about? Serous question.
[Serious]
Don’t take the world serious. The World Serious?
Do I have to do everything myself?
Yes.
I’ll take “Things That Oppo Says In Bed” for $200, Alex.
How many roads must a man walk down, before you can call him a cab?
I’m stealing that.
I’m never going to get a Nobel Prize, am I?
You would already have a Nobel if you had said ‘Uber Driver’ instead of cab I’m pretty sure.
D’oh!
If Train A leaves its station at 50 mph simultaneously with Train B leaving a station 100 miles away on the same track, headed towards train A traveling at 65 miles per hour, then:
(a) is Global Warming real?
(b) does anyone get fired?
(c) is there any room for miracles to still happen?
(d) where was I going with this?
(e) will little old ladies say some extreme curse words they have never said before?
They can put a man on the moon, but they can’t come up with a new way to compare capabilities?
Why is the earth running out of helium and what can we do about it?
All future birthday parties will be outlawed.
When I was a kid all I ever had was plain ole oxygen filled balloons and I’m feeling a little depressed now.
Lighten up, here’s some Helium.
lolol…I used to work in the oil-gas fields and in one of the processing plants we used helium for purging analytical equipment and from time to time we would take helium hits so we could sound like Donald Duck for a few seconds for a cheap laugh. I just read that there is indeed a helium shortage but I never knew where it came from or even thought about it. Come to find out it comes from decaying uranium in mines. I’m probably radioactive and don’t even know it.
Q: Why is the earth running out of Helium and what can we do about it? A: Global warming is depleting Helium, we must replace Helium with Upsidaisium before it’s too late.
Q: Why is the earth running out of Helium?
A: Sexism. Men refuse to even consider using Shelium.
Q: Why is the earth running out of Helium?
A: Trump is using too much of it to keep his hair up. So basically, I blame Trump…literally.
I’m pretty sure helium would be good for E.D. Should I try some research & development? I may need some volunteers soon. (the lab would be contracted out and I will be no where near it) You may be reading about me on the cover of Time Magazine soon.
I still think you will ultimately need a rigid system with Hydrogen.
Where have all deflowerers gone?
They shoot hearses, don’t they?
Why can’t Johnny read?
Sometimes I pronounce it “Car-RIB-be-an,” and other times “Car-i-BEE-an.” Isn’t that weird?