Some of you are cat people. Heck, some of you are cats. Maybe even cats disguised as humans. Which would explain this.
I have no idea why Harvey hasn’t posted that yet. You snooze, you lose, Chief.
Before you — our faithful readers and commenters and lurkers and such — snooze for the evening, you get your say. Because it’s Monday Night Open Thread.
What’s on your mind?
Joe Biden said that if a Democrat gets elected in 2020, “we’re going to see this country come together like it hasn’t in a long time“.
Yes. 1861.
[66mm fire tornado dec14] (Viewer #40,304)
Of no practical use other than looking cool.
Also, I’d love to see the blooper reel of him developing that trick.
[High Praise! to Geeks Are Sexy]
Duo Recreates The Battle Of Helm’s Deep using 150,000 LEGO Bricks
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]
President Trump’s ultimate plan: keep the Democrats so busy arguing about the Mueller report that they don’t notice when the sun comes up and they turn to stone.
[High Praise! to Oppo]
Homebound (to the tune of “Homeward Bound” by Simon and Garfunkel)
I’m sittin in my parents’ basement
No particular destination
Mmm-mm-mm
Games and porn on my night-stand
Cheetoes and guitar in hand
And PhotoShop is on demand
For a know-it-all and one-man band
Home-bound
I wish I was
Underground
Home, where my ‘rents are paying
Home, where my music’s playing
Home, where my love-life’s failing
Incel-ently, like me
Every day’s an endless stream
Of sybarites and YouTube queens
Mmm-mm-mm
And each blog looks the same to me
The movies and their backstories
And every stranger’s post I see
Reminds me that I’m twenty-three
Home-bound
I wish I was in
Homer’s town
Home, where my ‘rents are paying
Home, where my music’s playing
Home, where my love-life’s failing
Xi-centric, rent-free
Tonight I’ll ping my songs again
I’ll play the games and pretend
But the outer world comes back to me
In shades of mediocrity
And emptiness, and finally
I need someone to come feed me
Home-bound
I wish I was
Fun to be around
Home, where my ‘rents are paying
Home, where my music’s playing
Home, where my love-life’s failing
Mentally — like me.
“Hey! Did you know there are only 12 years left to… wait… where are you going?”
Holly Finnegan, one of the “white walkers,” as they’re sometimes called, has been searching for – and occasionally finding – a spiritual home ever since achieving environmental enlightenment during a 3-day Buddhism and incense binge in college.
“It just came to me, and I knew it was all true,” said Finnegan, “that the earth is all that matters, and she’s alive, but people are trying to kill her.”
Holly’s been around. In the 70’s, it was Paul Ehrlich’s Congregation of Overpopulation. As recently as 2008, she was still a follower of heat-trutherAl Gore, having joined his Warmon Church some time prior. But none of these lasted. All had predicted the end of the world through mankind’s malfeasance. All of them had been wrong. All of them had disappointed her.
But in 2018, she heard Alexandria speak, and she knew she’d found home.
“She just seemed so wise and confident,” said Finnegan. “Boldly declaring that we only have 12 years left. I knew it had to be true, because why else would she come right out and give a specific number? She’s terrified of numbers!”
As she waits for the inevitable carbon-choked apocalypse to destroy the planet she loves, she still struggles mightily against the inevitable, doing her tiny part to spread the word of hope.
Knocking on doors with her companion, she gives away free copies of Alexandria’s Witness magazines like “The Sunpower” and “Woke!”, hoping to stir the benighted to faith, and persuade them to join the only church with the truth.
In answer to a common question, Finnegan said the magazines were free.
“Well, paid for by other people’s money, anyway. Eventually we hope to take that money by force. Not just for magazines, I mean for everything. Like the planet and stuff. We could save it in 12 years if we could just make people give us enough of their money. Praise Alexandria!”
Psychologist and recognized international cult expert Steve Eichel said Holly’s behavior is typical of the Witnesses, and cautioned people against getting involved.
“If you see a pair of Alexandria’s Witnesses approaching, cover your wallet and run away,” said Eichel. “The only people in white you should trust are new brides and ice cream men.”
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< Conservative Student Expelled from Berkeley for Using Hate Phrase “I D*sagree”
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
Now being marketed – cans of 100% non-carbonated mountain water from the Alps. It’s called…
It’s a new week, and it’s a new round of questions to answer. There were quite a number of questions posted Friday, but some were answered by you, the Crack IMAO Answer Squad. Okay, we need a better name; get working on that, why don’tcha?
Anyway, many were answered by others here, but these either emailed in or weren’t answered completely. So, we’re going to answer these, and take your next round. Some of these answers are straight-forward, some are a little light-hearted, but none are wrong. Because we know everything.
Christopher: Why hasn’t AG William Barr opened a case of criminal conspiracy against the House Intelligence Committee for try to make him break the the law?
Politics.
DamnCat: How many dimes in a sh1tload?
21.
Okay, I can hear the skepticism. But here you go. I did a screen capture and highlighted all of the faces. Count them yourself.
DamnCat: How many in a metric sh1tload?
Trick question. Dimes are already based on tens, so no metric conversion is necessary.
Harvey: What difference, at this point, does it make?
Don’t worry so much about that point. If you wear a hat, no one will notice it.
Harvey: Who’s your favorite Canadian?
Trick question. Canada is a fictional country.
walruskkkch: Who was President of the United states on April 5, 1841?
John Tyler. He didn’t take the oath of office until the next day, but as always, the incoming president is president at the time prescribed by law — in this case, upon the death of the previous president — whether or not the oath has been taken. The taking of the oath is a Constitutional requirement of an incoming president, but he is still president even before the oath is taken.
walruskkkch: If bears sh*t in the woods where do Polar bears cr^p?
In the Northwoods.
cayleygraph2015: Who am I?
Can I condemn this man to slavery?
Pretend I do not see his agony?
This sinner sent, who bears my face,
who goes to judgement in my place?
Who am I?
Can I conceal myself forevermore?
Pretend I’m not the man I was before?
And must my name, until I die
be no more than an alibi?
Must I lie?
How can I ever face my fellow man?
How can I ever fare myself again?
My soul belongs to God, I know,
I made that bargain long ago.
He gave me hope, when hope was gone,
he gave me strength to journey on,
Who am I?
Jean Valjean
DamnCat: Who put the ram in the rama-lama-ding-dong?
George Jones. No, not that George Jones, a different George Jones.
Oppo: What was Willis talking about? Serous question.
cayleygraph2015: Does Frank J get kickbacks for mentioning video games in his Random Thoughts? I bought “Baba Is You” on his recommendation (it was a good purchase).
Whatchu talkin’ ’bout, cayleygraph2015?
walruskkkch: While “Real” Socialism has never been tried anywhere, according to the Left, what place or places have tried the nearest thing to “Real” Socialism and how successful were those attempts?
The Union of Soviet Socialist Republics was the most successful in terms of population killed, with an estimated 20 million under Stalin. Lenin’s total is less than 1 million.
The National Socialist German Workers’ Party which ran Germany in the years leading up to and through World War II was responsible for only 6 million Jewish deaths within the boundaries of their empire, while China’s Mao Tse-tung only managed to kill less than three million of his people. Amateurs.
Oppo: How many roads must a man walk down, before you can call him a cab?
One. But it’s a really long road.
Oppo: If Train A leaves its station at 50 mph simultaneously with Train B leaving a station 100 miles away on the same track, headed towards train A traveling at 65 miles per hour, then:
(a) is Global Warming real?
(b) does anyone get fired?
(c) is there any room for miracles to still happen?
(d) where was I going with this?
a) No.
b) No.
c) Yes.
d) In circles.
CLIFFY: (e) will little old ladies say some extreme curse words they have never said before?
You like it when they talk dirty.
Oppo: They can put a man on the moon, but they can’t come up with a new way to compare capabilities?
They can no longer put a man on the moon. What has this nation become? We used to be able to put a man on the moon, and now people don’t know which restroom to use.
Oppo: Where have all deflowerers gone?
Sorry I didn’t leave you any.
Oppo: Why can’t Johnny read?
Because he’s a dumbass.
Oppo: Sometimes I pronounce it “Car-RIB-be-an,” and other times “Car-i-BEE-an.” Isn’t that weird?
Everything about you is weird.
Oppo: They shoot hearses, don’t they?
Until you’ve been in a hearse with a body in the back and been asked to leave the Hardee’s parking lot because you’re in a hearse with a body in the back (true story) you can’t ask any questions about hearses.
If you have any questions for us, remember you can Ask IMAO Anything. Email us at Ask.IMAO.Anything@gmail.com or ask in the comments. Questions left in the comments may be answered in the comments. If not, or if the answer needs clarification or additional information, we’ll provide that in a day or two.
How can we make you smarterer?
New York Times columnist Farhad Manjoo said that “The next president should not be a man.”
Oh… you mean like the last one?
