“Forget Berkeley! In Baltimore, we call these ‘rat hole covers.'”
BALTIMORE (AP) – In a surprising turn of events, Baltimore Mayor Bernard Young has gone from criticizing President Trump’s tweets calling his city a “
disgusting rat and rodent infested mess” to embracing his city’s “misunderstood” rodent population, at one point challenging President Trump that “you can have our rats when you pry them from our cold, dead hands” – a reference to a saying popular with members of the
National Rifle Association gun rights group.
“President Trump tried to use rats to insult us,” said Young, “but we will turn his insult into power by embracing our rodent brethren. Trump says we’re rat infested? I say we’re rat infused! Full of the sleek, beautiful essence of these noble creatures. Smaller than cats, quieter than dogs, better smelling than skunks! This is an animal that has a lot going for it. And I don’t mean plague fleas, because that’s just anti-rat Republican propaganda. Those was mostly from witches, and we burned all of them decades ago.”
Young’s new pro-rat attitude seems to be a slap in the face to President Trump, who will likely not be re-elected in 2020 as a result. Mayor Young gave the speech as part of his “All Rat With Me” initiative, which seeks to help urban residents appreciate and live in harmony with their skin-tail-squirrel compatriots, as they share food, lodging, and sleeping quarters in a way that will usher in a new era of peace and understanding between the formerly antagonistic species.
“Some people say that rats are a sign of poverty,” Young said, “but if you think about it, they’re really a sign of wealth. If you have rats, it means you have so much food that it gets thrown away in the dumpsters where the rats live and breed. If we were poor, those would be people living in those dumpsters. But we’re lousy with food! And living space! Did you know that inner city apartment buildings are so luxurious and spacious that they can hold up to 7 families of rats for every human family? Why, the very palaces of Europe were never so accommodating! America truly is a wondrous and blessed land, and how much more so the Charm City of Baltimore!”
Mayor Young said he’s looking forward to making a “Rat Town USA” out of Baltimore.
“As it happens,” continued Young, “2020 is the ‘Year of the Rat’ on the Chinese calendar, and we’re taking that as a sign. Next year’s celebrations will be grander than ever. Rat festivals, rat parades, rat hats, the 4H rat show, Ratto de Mayo for the Spanish folk, and a huge and solemn memorial will be held for all that rats that have tragically passed away, called “Rodentia in Absentia.” We’ll miss those scurrying little critters. Every one of them is precious.”
While largely ignoring Mayor Young’s new rattitude, President Trump did make one cryptic tweet, perhaps a reference to an obscure 70’s horror movie.
“Mayor Willard, I hope you find your Ben”.
[IMAO Ace Reporter zzyzx contributed to this article]
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I do most of my TV watching by streaming. So, I’ve been interested in the new Disney+ service that will launch later this year. I know I’ll try it and I suspect I’ll keep it. So when Disney announced a really good price on the service, I thought about it. I thought about it a lot. How much did I think about it? I ran the numbers for various scenarios, and then wrote on my little blog about it.
