Archive of entries posted on 30th September 2019

IMAO Time Machine: Top Ten Things That Can Help Stretch Your Gasoline Budget.

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In honor of Spacemonkey’s birthday (which today is not) we offer this posting from 2005. — The Editors

With gas prices getting higher than a hippie eating ‘special’ brownies I though it salient to come up with some way to help people out. So I came up with the…

Top Ten things that can help stretch your gasoline budget.

10) Learn astral projection. It’s just like being there with out all the actually being there.

9) Take a lesson from NASCAR and draft as much as possible. (No, Sen. Rangel, not that draft)

8) Be uphill from everywhere you want to go. So you can just coast.

7) Three things: Siphon hose, gas can and cover of night. You do the math.

6) Drive the speed limit. Speeding not only burns more gas, it can seriously get your Commie Italian rear end shot at/up.

5) Don’t drive for a week, then use the money you saved to hire a mercenary army to fight a war for oil on your behalf. I suggest Iran, lots of oil and no US Marines, yet.

4) Instead of the fine gasoline you normally use, fill up with dark, rich, sparkling Folger’s crystals and see if your car can tell the difference.

3) Instead of driving, get from place to place using roller blades and a lasso, borrow momentum from passing vehicles.

2) Get the eco-friendly utopia converter kit that the hippies use so your car will run on moonbeams, butterfly kisses, and B. O. (that’s right, now you know)

And the number one thing that can help stretch your gasoline budget….
Continue reading ‘IMAO Time Machine: Top Ten Things That Can Help Stretch Your Gasoline Budget.’ »

Sometimes, Simply Juxtaposing News Items Is Comment Enough

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NYC Threatens Up To $250G in Fines for Using Terms Like ‘Illegal Alien,’ Threatening To Call ICE
Fox News | 9/28/2019

New York City’s Commission on Human Rights announced on Thursday that residents could face up to $250,000 in fines if they use terms such as “illegal alien … with intent to demean, humiliate or harass a person.”

[No word yet on whether the Oxford comma felt demeaned, humiliated, or harassed.]

“Hate has no place here,” a tweet from the City of New York read. The city’s announcement ticked off a list of offensive ways to address immigrants — including threatening to call Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE), or harassing someone for their “limited English proficiency.”

{Scrolls down}

Rashida Tlaib Defends ‘Impeach the MF’ Shirts: They Bring ‘Levity’ and Liberation to My Supporters
Breitbart | 28 Sep 2019

Got Him!

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Sept. 30, 2019 (IMAO) – This story was broken by Ace Reporters Stretch, caleygraph2015, and DamnCat, who are awaiting their Pulitzer.

A House committee has been convened in emergency session, reportedly drafting impeachment articles against President Donald J. Trump.

At issue is a “deep” and “disturbing” connection between him and seriously illegal activities spanning many years, says a source close to the Democrats*.

Noting that multiple press reports have documented an extensive list of violent crimes committed by teens and youths — and that Trump himself was once a teen and youth — the Democratic leadership has stridently called on Trump to either disavow his connection with this group or else explain it.

Nancy Pelosi and Bernie Sanders pointedly noted that they were never associated with either of these groups, as far as can be proven. Former vice president Joe Biden was unavailable for coherent comment.

*Really, really close.