From now on, everything about my son, Black line. oh yeah, I’ll bet it’s Hunter. Everything about my son Hunter’s..uh.. black line…this has got to be about his sweet gig in the Ukraine… will be redacted from my teleprompter. Including what I just said. Stop. Stop talking. JOE, STOP READING RIGHT NOW!
Oh man, I must be killing it tonight. Everyone’s hanging on my every word.
…”Hunter/Gatherer, at this point what difference does it make?”
…”I liked the Waldo game, but I don’t understand this new one.”
…”Yes we can’t !”
…Klaatu Barada Nikto!
…The Sheriff is a Ni(Bong!)
.
…”I’d like to thank my cosmetician for the plugs he gave me.”
…”I was a great vice president and I will be again.”
…A-wop-bop-a-loo-bop-a-wop-bam-boom!
…Oo ee oo aa aa, ting, tang, walla walla bing bang.
…SQUIRREL!
“Look, I don’t need this job. I don’t want to be president because I need the money. I want to be president because my kid needs the money.”
… “No. There is another.”
Argle-bargle.
Then it’s easy to believe
Somebody’s been lying to me
But when the wrong word
Goes in the right ear
I know you’ve been lying to me
Do you like movies about gladiators?
Cobra! Cobra! Cobra!
Kai! Kai! Kai!
…”All tautologies are true!”
Are they? Really?
…”I’m a one-eyed, one-horned, flying purple people eater.”
…”All of your base are belong to us!”
Hunter, fat, drunk and stupid with payola is exactly the way to go through life.
Hey, where all the white women at?
Well, maybe you should just stop liking your doctor. Problem solved. Duh.
To win in 2020, I just need a helmet, Michael Dukakis’ tank, and a photographer!
…”I knew that knowing things before they were cool was cool before it was cool to know things before they were cool.”
…”A bad analogy is like a duck riding a hamster: no one knows where the coffee filters are.”
Hillary as my VP? I’m probably wondering if she fired six shots or only five. I’ve kind of lost track myself. Do I feel lucky? Well do I, bunkie?
…”Great Hillary Clinton, grasping want to be ruler of the universe, render unto… er… oh, sorry, wrong invocation.”
The country is still trying to figure out what Biden meant when he said…
Wapner in 15 minutes.
As God is my witness, I thought there’d be pudding.
The country is still trying to figure out what Biden meant when he said…
I am the Walrus.
Goo goo g’joob
The country is still trying to figure out what Biden meant when he said…
Harvey sleeps with the Pookas.
I thought it was pooftas
I bow to your superior knowledge of the matter.
The country is still trying to figure out what Biden meant when he said…
Wherever you go, there you are.
What he actually said was, “Wherever you are, there you go.”
Point taken.
The country is still trying to figure out what Biden meant when he said…
No, you are.
…That’s not cocaine, it’s dandruff.
…This is a big f’n kneel.
…You can keep your gun but only shoot it off of my balcony.
and if you ever had your balcony shot off you know how painful that can be.
I think you’re gonna need a bigger balcony.
The country is still trying to figure out what Biden meant when he said…
I proved there was a duplicate key.
Aah, the strawberries, that’s where I had them.
I’m voting for Bernie Sanders, unless I get the nomination, in which case I’m voting for Mickey Mouse.
From now on, everything about my son, Black line. oh yeah, I’ll bet it’s Hunter. Everything about my son Hunter’s..uh.. black line…this has got to be about his sweet gig in the Ukraine… will be redacted from my teleprompter. Including what I just said. Stop. Stop talking. JOE, STOP READING RIGHT NOW!
Oh man, I must be killing it tonight. Everyone’s hanging on my every word.
… “I’m calling shotgun!”…
… “He was my butt buddy from way back!”…
Hair today, gone tomorrow
E pluribus biden
“Lrmfstrdl”
The country is still trying to figure out what Biden meant when he said…
“MAGA!”
Maga is actually a character from a low budget Japanese sci fi movie from the nineteen sixties…Maga vs. Godzilla.
“Human, I request your assistance.”
Eenie meanie chili beanie, the spirits are about to speak.
Joe Biden is a beloved character from my childhood???
Well beloved may be stretching it a bit.
Yes, he’s Buttwrinkle
The country is still trying to figure out what Biden meant when he said…
“Ditto”
Every provincial putz I’ve ever met has said “ditto” at one time or another.
When they don’t say “Schmuck”.
The country is still trying to figure out what Biden meant when he said…
Being President is so easy even a well spoken young Negro could do it.
Clinton?
Being President is so easy even a caveman could do it.
If it weren’t for those meddling kids and their fricken dog I would’ve gotten away with it too.
“Because, for example, when I came out and — when I came out! When I publicly stated–“
…but my real dream job would be in a shampoo factory.
…”I gotta mambo dogface to the banana patch!” as he makes a speedy exit Stage Right.
“So where can I get some blookers and hoe?”
Flippity floppity floo
…I strain real good. All these restraining orders are just a big waste of my time.
…and then me and Corn Pop tossed Hillary in the van…
…I’ve lusted in my heart too, after them gals in the B-52s. But I would’ve shot that rabbit. I, sir, am no Jimmy Carter.
The country is still trying to figure out what Biden meant when he said…
What’s the frequency, Kenneth?
“An elephant’s faithful, one hundred percent.”
The country is still trying to figure out what Biden meant when he said…
“I’ve got a puppy in my van.”