Some artists only have one really big hit. Arlo Guthrie had a single hit, “City of New Orleans,” peaking at number 5 in 1972. You may know more of his songs, but only other song ever grazed the Hot 100 was “Alice’s Rock & Roll Restaurant,” which peaked at number 97. “Gypsy Davy” never hit the Hot 100, though it did make top 30 on the Adult Contemporary chart in 1973.
Welcome to Fun Facts About the 50 States, where – week by week – I’ll be taking you on a tour around this great nation of ours, providing you with interesting, yet completely useless and probably untrue, information about each of the 50 states.
This week, lift your shirt and earn some shiny beads – we’re headed to Louisiana. So… let’s get started…
Symbolic of New Orleans – surrounded by flood waters with no land in sight.
Louisiana became the 18th state on April 30th 1812, mostly to make President Madison’s wife stop nagging him about “when are you going to get up off your butt and do something with all that land west of the Mississippi?”
Ya know, it wasn’t Manifest Destiny that built this country, it was naggy wives.
The state bird of Louisiana is the brown pelican, whose enormous beak could, in theory, hold enough beer to get an Irishman drunk.
The state boat of Louisiana is Noah’s Ark.
Louisiana is the source of most of America’s seafood, and annually produces more shrimp than a Wizard of Oz cast party.
The state motto of Louisiana is “Help! I can’t swim!”
The state flower of Louisiana is the magnolia… although that may soon change to the water lily.
The highest point in Louisiana is Mt. Driskoll, at 535 feet, while the lowest point is [insert gurgling sound here].
Louisiana was named after the French King, Louis the 14th, and NOT after the French pronunciation of “lousy, ain’t it?”
The official soil of Louisiana is silt.
Louisiana has the tallest state capitol building in the US. It’s 450 feet tall, and is capable of holding nearly a week’s supply of the Governor’s bribe money.
The state song of Louisiana is Led Zeppelin’s, “When the Levee Breaks.”
The US acquired the Louisiana territory from France in 1803 in exchange for $15 million dollars in gold and a promise to stop referring to the French as “surrender monkeys.”
HA! Stupid, gullible, surrender monkeys!
The state tree of Louisiana is whichever one Katrina didn’t knock down. Probably an oak tree in Shreveport, or something.
Jazz Great Louis Armstrong was born in New Orleans, Louisiana. His famous song, “What a Wonderful World,” describes his feelings about moving out of the state.
Rock & Roll legend Jerry Lee Lewis was born in Ferriday, Louisiana on September 29th, 1935. Although he DID at one point marry his 13-year-old cousin, he was NOT actually a degenerate pedophile – just Southern.
Baton Rouge, Louisiana hosted the Special Olympics in 1983, prompting accusations from Alabama that it was actually just a scheme to raise the state’s standardized test scores.
Louisiana is famous for its many slow-moving rivers or “bayous.” The word “bayou” is a Choctaw Indian word meaning “Frenchman’s urinal.”
The first governor of Louisiana chose the pelican as the state bird because it is such a devoted parent that it would tear at its own flesh to feed its young rather than let them starve. The governor was so impressed by this that he substituted “the rich” for “flesh,” and thus was born the Louisiana tax system.
The state dog of Louisiana is the Water Spaniel.
St. Joseph Cemetery in Rayne, Louisiana is the only cemetery in the US where the graves have a north-south orientation. All other cemeteries are laid out in a pentagram pattern to facilitate raising the dead via unholy rituals.
The city of Kaplan, Louisiana is known as the Cajunest Place on Earth and is home to the famous Gumbo World theme park and resort.
The city of New Orleans was once a haven for pirates, which may explain why most of the post-Katrina looters had parrots & eye-patches.
The Old Town Hall Museum in Pineville, Louisiana is the only museum in the US devoted to municipal government. While there, don’t miss the Graft & Corruption exhibit in the Huey P. Long Memorial Corruptitorium.
At the age of 13, all young males in Louisiana undergo a ceremonial rite of passage wherein they finally learn the horrifying truth – that Mardi Gras is NOT a national holiday.
They are NOT told, however, the horrifying truth that they are descended from the French, as this would completely destroy their fragile minds.
Whether you pronounce it “New Or-lins,” “New Or-leenz,” “New Or-le-ans,” or even “Nawlins,” SOMEONE in Louisiana will correct your pronunciation.
When they do, tell the annoying little SOB that he’s descended from the French. THAT will shut him up.
Well, that wraps up the Louisiana edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week I’ll be getting mugged by gangs of feral lobsters in Maine.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go ahem “use the bayou”.
Proof that the ancient Greeks didn’t have toilet paper — there’s no mention of hoarding it:
Nor was this the only form of lawless extravagance which owed its origin to the plague. Men now coolly ventured on what they had formerly done in a corner, and not just as they pleased, seeing the rapid transitions produced by persons in prosperity suddenly dying and those who before had nothing succeeding to their property. So they resolved to spend quickly and enjoy themselves, regarding their lives and riches as alike things of a day. Perseverance in what men called honour was popular with none, it was so uncertain whether they would be spared to attain the object; but it was settled that present enjoyment, and all that contributed to it, was both honourable and useful. Fear of gods or law of man there was none to restrain them. As for the first, they judged it to be just the same whether they worshipped them or not, as they saw all alike perishing; and for the last, no one expected to live to be brought to trial for his offences, but each felt that a far severer sentence had been already passed upon them all and hung ever over their heads, and before this fell it was only reasonable to enjoy life a little.
But — well — you might as well stop watching after 3 minutes if you don’t want to see it just degenerate into fart jokes. Maybe the bean scene in Blazing Saddles worked, but I wouldn’t advise that it go on forever. You get the idea. You’ve “bean” warned.
Straight Line of the Day: Dead Sea Scroll fragments were found to be forgeries. One tip-off…
All 16 Dead Sea Scroll Fragments at Museum of the Bible Are Forgeries Christian Post | 03/14/2020
The 16 Dead Sea Scroll fragments housed at the Museum of the Bible in Washington, D.C., considered its most prized possessions, are modern forgeries, independent researchers have found.
“The Museum of the Bible is trying to be as transparent as possible,” the museum’s CEO Harry Hargrave said, according to National Geographic. “We’re victims — we’re victims of misrepresentation, we’re victims of fraud.”
… none of the textual fragments housed in the museum are authentic. All the fragments show “characteristics that suggest they are deliberate forgeries created in the twentieth century with the intent to mimic authentic Dead Sea Scroll fragments.”
“The new findings don’t cast doubt on the 100,000 real Dead Sea Scroll fragments, most of which lie in the Shrine of the Book, part of the Israel Museum, Jerusalem,” National Geographic clarifies.
…
The Museum was recently recognized as one of the top five religious museums in the United States by USA Today’s 10 Best Readers’ Choice Awards for 2020. It came in third in the awards.
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