It is so lame, so stupid, and so absurd, it needs to be riffed constantly.
Or “The Year Without a Sanity Clause.”
Or “The Year That Almost Put the Babylon Bee and the Onion Out of Business.”
It is so lame, so stupid, and so absurd, it needs to be riffed constantly.
Or “The Year Without a Sanity Clause.”
Or “The Year That Almost Put the Babylon Bee and the Onion Out of Business.”
PORTLAND, OR—Local activist and Antifa member Declyn Cruikshank marked the 76th anniversary of the D-Day invasion by educating a D-Day veteran on how to fight against fascism.
Elmer Dobbins, 94, who lied about his age at 17 in order to join the Army, was sitting near a World War II memorial Saturday, reminiscing about the day he stormed the beaches at Normandy and lost dozens of friends. According to sources, Cruikshank approached and launched into a diatribe about the evil fascist American capitalist system.
Dobbins, who risked his life in 1944 to stop the spread of a totalitarian regime bent on destroying freedom and democracy, listened intently as Cruikshank instructed him on the finer points of fighting the fascist rule of free enterprise. He explained his goal of liberating Americans from the tyranny of democratic elections and private property ownership.
When Captain Dobbins asked how he hoped to triumph in such a great crusade, Declyn replied that he and his friends dress up in uniforms, march into a city to destroy shops and businesses, and intimidate others into shutting up and accepting their superior point of view.
“You’d better get on home, old man,” the anti-fascist warrior said, holding a brick. “It’s going to be a Night of Broken Glass, or as we like to say, a Kristallnacht. Down with Fascism!”
SEATTLE, WA–Well, this can’t be good: infighting has begun to break out in Seattle’s Utopian paradise of free stuff and community gardening and love and peace as CHAZ leaders can’t agree on who gets to hold the conch shell.
One warlord had suggested passing around a conch shell to determine who would be the leader of the group. The other warlords all agreed. This uneasy truce only lasted for about 12 seconds, however, as they began to bicker over who got to hold the conch shell first. One of the warlords was wearing glasses and suggested they attempt to create fire. The other warlords called him a nerd, though, and broke his glasses.
A rumor broke out that there was a monster in the park, though it turned out just to be a crazy homeless guy. “Maybe there is a beast… maybe it’s only us,” said warlord Raz Simone.
The most savage of the vegan warlords put a cabbage head on a spike in a bizarre ritual, warning the other groups that he was not to be messed with. A police officer arrived to rescue everybody just as they were about to murder each other and lectured them on being good boys and girls before loading them into his armored vehicle and taking them away from the strange foreign land.
I don’t know about The Onion but the Babylon Bee is alive and well…as the above posts prove.
The Year of Bat Digestion:
From Bat Soup to Bat S*** Crazy.
(Along the way, Lower G.I. Joe.)
Holy communicable disease Batman it’s our old enemy Covid19man!!
“Why, if it isn’t AntifatMan and the Boy Bundler!”