In the basement, where the lights are gone. As are the stairs. In the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying “Beware of the Leopard.”
“Your valuables are where?”
in my reach. Come get them.
“The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.”
or steal them.
“Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.”
“If complete and utter chaos was lightning, then he’d be the sort to stand on a hilltop in a thunderstorm wearing wet copper armour and shouting ‘All gods are bastards!”
Yes they are, and that’s where they’re staying, Thank you.
In a large wooden badger.
Sadly, at the bottom of a lake due to an unfortunate boating accident.
Bobby K? Is that you?
Under…
Under where?
Exactly!
In the second drawer on the right, beneath my unmentionables… and we won’t be talking about them again…
In the gun safe…The guns are on my person or in my hands or within reach.
Somewhere in the back of Joe Biden’s mind, apparently…
C’mon man! It’s M. Mabungo, the Private Secretary to His Excellency.
Mine are over there in a shrubbery.
Under my hat, or over my pillow, depending…
In the family vault, the combination is 2 to the left, 10 to the right, and then to…. 11 (eyes, fingers, toes).
To Access the Straight Line of the Day, please answer this security question: your valuables are where?
Look behind you.
AAAH!
Don’t DO that!
To Access the Straight Line of the Day, please answer this security question: your valuables are where?
In my pants.
See: Da Vinci’s Notebook barbershop quartet.
To Access the Straight Line of the Day, please answer this security question: your valuables are where?
Here, there and everywhere.
In a van….down by the river…
In an unmarked grave, next to Arch Stanton…
…apparently already in your hands.
… safely hidden in the Book of Armaments.
Like I’d tell you.
To Access the Straight Line of the Day, please answer this security question: your valuables are where?
If you forward me $10,000 I will let you know.
Buried next to the last guy that asked.
In a safe right behind Chuck Norris.
In the basement, where the lights are gone. As are the stairs. In the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying “Beware of the Leopard.”
Don’t have room for valuables when I have this much junk.
Currently in the possession of a rich widow I hope to someday meet.
That friend you’re asking for, does he work for the IRS?
My valuables are literally everywhere….. Chicken Man is holding them for me.
… all those dandelions in my lawn. Sure would hate it if someone stole them, including the roots.
About 18 inches up from the opening of your alimentary canal.
…converted to dime rolls…. to expedite trips to Rock Ridge.
I sent them to a Nigerian prince for safe keeping.
…locked in a hidden vault deep beneath a mountain protected by a dragon.
Not guaranteed to work against Hobbits.
Area 51
Fort Knocks
I gave them to Jeff Epstein for safekeeping. I think they are on an island.
To Access the Straight Line of the Day, please answer this security question: your valuables are where?
Somewhere, over the rainbow.
They are being held by a Nigerian Prince. Please make a small payment via a money transfer service to have my valuables released to you.
“Your valuables are where?”
in my reach. Come get them.
“The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.”
or steal them.
“Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.”
“If complete and utter chaos was lightning, then he’d be the sort to stand on a hilltop in a thunderstorm wearing wet copper armour and shouting ‘All gods are bastards!”