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Why Trans Kids Are Now ‘Coming Out’ as Animals
The Spectator | 4 Mar 2023 | Mary WakefieldIt was announced last week that another gender has been added to the list: nominalgender.
Most news sites reported this in the sort of proud way a zoo might announce the birth of an exciting animal, a baby Komodo dragon maybe – as if the gender had somehow hatched and was waiting to be adopted. You are nominalgender ‘if your gender is so much just you that no one else can even experience it’, I read.
…
Every day the list of possible gender options grows – metastasizes is a better word: non-binary, genderfluid, bigender, demigender, catgender. On Monday it was reported that a drag queen on the Isle of Man had informed Year 7 pupils that there are exactly 73 genders. When one brave child insisted that there were only two, the drag queen allegedly responded ‘You’ve upset me’ and sent the child out.
What the drag queen might have said, if the rude child hadn’t interrupted, is that though it’s an article of trans faith that there are 73 genders, it’s also often said that the fastest-growing gender subset is xenogender. You’re xenogender if you feel more akin to animals or plants or foods than humans. It’s funny, but it’s also frightening.
There’s a girl on TikTok who explains very seriously that her gender is bird – a cardinal specifically, ey/em pronouns. And several people I’ve found identify as cake.
So, hi, hi, Miss “American Pie.”
Drove my Chevy, called her Bevvy, but the bevy was high…
I hereby identify as Tacogender…I used to be Bacongender.
I identify as the Vicious Chicken of Bristol
-0r-
The Baconator
A kinder gender nation
(Since my first entry was already stifled by the censors)
I thought I could, but, one identity theft later, not so much…
Sorry, human child, you are not a cat. Maybe if you are really good and super cool for several lifetimes you may come back as a cat.
I don’t want you to get your hopes up though – you look more like future dog material to me.
We’ll just have to wait and see what comes out when she has her first litter I guess.
I am Spartacus, or at least I was, until all those questions about gladiator movies came out…
I am Walruskkkch, Lord and Master of the IMAO Intern universe, and I defy anyone to say different…
Different.
Stoolie!
Stoli
(It’s past noon, and the interns are done for the day.)
No they are not.
Skoal
Can You Identify What You Identify As?
It has been established that anyone who questions my identity is Sexist, Racist, Homophobe, Transphobe, Agist, or Specist. Therefore, I identify as sane.
Can You Identify What You Identify As?
My pronouns are I and me with an emphasis on MINE.
My pronouns are He, Shep, Lrmfstrdl, and Bob
I’m Gumby, dammit!
What’s its like being green clay?
Also, was Pokey hard to work with?
Semper gumbi my friend. Semper gumbi
I will play for Gumbo
I identify as oppressed by the imao caption censor monitors
Gender? I don’t even know her.
Blendergender… Margarita prefereable
I have long identified as a garbage disposal. My coworkers, parents, wife, and anybody about to throw away perfectly good food can vouch.
Never put potato peels down a disposal though..you can eat them but they are cryptonite to a disposal.
Can You Identify What You Identify As?
Yes, but I ain’t no stoolie.
So if they identfy as vegetables or food it would be interesting in court..” Your Honour, the defendant kicked the victim right in the beets and carrot” or ” it is alleged that the victim was kicked in the lasagna”
“He got me right in the meat and potatoes.”
“Mashed potatoes?”
“They are now.”
Holy Shitake Mushrooms
Two ‘i’s.
rodneydill is all about 2 eyes
Aye, aye sir.
How long have you had that stutter?
Am I a denizen of the underworld with a great interest in tanks, or am I an armored combat vehicle that has been possessed by a demon?
I prefer to keep you all guessing.
Mmwwaaa ha ha ha ha! (Cough, snort.) Okay, I gotta work on that sinister laugh a bit.
Maybe we’ll find out if we bring him to a Cross road.
Even if the tank is the septic kind..you’re still funny..cheers!
Mama was an emu, Dad a ‘bot named Bender They birthed me in a pot, said it’ll be good and tender First I chirped, and then I howled Blew my whistle, called a personal fowl, the local public defender She knew a lot, was hot to trot, got me off, with a warning: Come the next morning this fine feathered robooster, mechanical rooster, never wanted my gender marked return-to-sender I’m happy with what I got