Thank your lucky stars that someone else has to sit through these gab sessions so you don’t have to!

BIDEN: And now, I’d like to turn to today’s announcement and begin by asking a question: Did you lay all that cable? [Sexual innuendo?] (Laughter.)  She’s a Wonder Woman.  I was watching in the other room.  But I didn’t realize — I didn’t bring along all the cable — I — you know, the empty spools.  (Laughter.)  You’re incredible.  Thank you.     
 
Look, I want to thank you, Jeff, for taking the time, and thank you for the introduction.  There you are.   
 
And I want to thank Kamala, who is there for every single important thing we do, and I’m not sure how we do it without her. [Laying cable?]
 
Two years ago, I asked her to lead an effort into high-speed Internet, and she’s been doing an incredible job since then.

As we started down, I turned to Jeff, and I said, “You know, this may be — I wonder if President Roosevelt felt a little like this as he talked about the electrification of our farmland.”  I mean, think about it.  This is — it’s almost similar.

I’ll bet that made the Corn Pop.

Baud dude.

All that is a result of a failed economic policy I call trickle-down economics — it was called “trickle-down economics” as well — a belief that we should give tax cuts to the very wealthy and big corporations and expect it to trickle down to everyone else, benefit across the board.

For folks looking for an affordable Internet ban [sic] — plan, just go to GetInternet.gov.  GetInternet.gov. 

A woman named Beth wrote me from Iowa.  She lives in a valley that’s a dead zone to cell — to cell reception.  She’s also gotten Internet via satellite, which goes out when it rains or snows.  She can’t get emergency alerts.  Even in good weather, it’s spotty.
 
Then, last year, a local telecom company with just 13 employees sent Beth a postcard.  They had received funding from the American Rescue Plan.  Now they were installing fiber optic cable for homes like hers in the valley.
 
And here’s what she wrote to me, and I quote, “You can imagine my joy.”  She called them right away.  And the next day, they sent someone out to survey her yard.  [!] [87,000 IRS agents?] As Beth wrote, “This is the best thing that has happened to rural America since the Rural Electrification Act brought electricity to farms in the ‘30s and ‘40s.”  End of quote.

And the cable will be made in America.  Let me say that again: The cable is going to be made in America. 

Or not.

More people are starting small businesses than ever.  And everyone who applies for bal- [Belial? Baal? Balances with 10% for the Big Guy?] — a small-business line is a sign of hope. 

No mention of the Queen:

May God bless you all.  And may God protect our troops.  Thank you, thank you, thank you for coming. 
 
Q    Mr. President, did you — did you lie about never speaking with Hunter about his business deals?  Did you lie about never speaking with Hunter about his business deals, sir?
 
THE PRESIDENT:  No. 

— Remarks by President Biden on Broadband Investments, June 26, 2023

Not laughter. Cackles:

HARRIS: So I will begin with a brief story.  Last year, I visited a small town in Louisiana called Sunset — Mitch — (laughter) — a rural community of about 3,000 people outside of Lafayette, a region where some of my extended family live.

Sunset is like many other small towns in America.  It has a Main Street with a bank, a church, and a donut shop.  (Laughter.) 

Not laughter. Cackles.

— Remarks by Vice President Harris on Broadband Investments, June 26, 2023