Straight Line of the Day: The Pentagon has the world’s largest secret army. Its mission:
Pentagon has 60,000 troops in secret, undercover army, report says
American Military News | May 19, 2021 | Liz George
The Pentagon has built the world’s largest secret army over the last decade, amassing approximately 60,000 troops who make up the undercover force, a Newsweek exclusive report revealed on Monday.
Way to keep a secret, Newsweek!
According to the report, service members in the force often work under masked identities as part of a program called “signature reduction.” More than 10 times the size of the CIA’s covert elements, the secret army works on both foreign and domestic assignments in both military uniforms and civilian attire, in real life and online. The troops reportedly hide in well-known private businesses and consultancies.
Such as . . . ?
… The report shares a glimpse into an entirely unregulated realm of the American military – the size of which is yet unknown.
Congress has never held a hearing on the secret force, and its existence raises concerns relating to U.S. laws, the Geneva Convention, the code of military conduct and accountability.
The program works with 130 private companies to facilitate the secret army, including making false documentation and paying the bills and taxes of troops working in disguise, as well as creating invisible devices that are undetectable and used to photograph and monitor activity in remote areas of the Middle East and Africa.
The Pentagon has the world’s largest secret army. Its mission:
to seek out and destroy commonsense wherever it may have taken root.
Its Mission: Supplying weapons grade sex toys for the modern, woke non-binary soldiers.
The Pentagon has the world’s largest secret army. Its mission:
Failed, We’ll Get ‘Em Next Time
Old mission: Winning of hearts & minds
New mission: Airlifting Hot-Pockets to Antifa autonomous zones
The Pentagon has the world’s largest secret army. Its mission:
Fake evidence of UFOs to hide real evidence of UFOs which are now actually IFOs
The Pentagon has the world’s largest secret army. Its mission:
To find out the secrets of the world’s second largest secret army, the Daughters of Liberty woman’s auxiliary knitting club.
This is a dodge to divert attention from our “Double-Secret Probationary Force”, for obvious reasons…
…not to get placed into double secret probation.
…to pretend to have 59,999 teammates when he talks to reporters.
…to eliminate anyone that hears of their secret mission.
Its Mission:
To have us all believe it is actually possible to manufacture invisible devices that are undetectable.
So, like, I mean, how can you make ’em and ship ’em if ya can’t see ’em? Duh!
It’s Mission:
To have a bigger budget than the secret navy.
Harvey Award!
“. . . The troops reportedly hide in well-known private businesses and consultancies.”
“Welcome to McDonald’s. Would you like SEMPER FI’s with that?? Aha!!!!”
{Kills customer twenty-one different ways.}
{Doorbell rings}
“Kandahar-gram!”
The Pentagon has the world’s largest secret army. Its mission:
The total and complete destruction of Rock Ridge.
The Pentagon has the world’s largest secret army. Its mission:
To fight the secret armies of our not so secret enemies.
Shhh! That’s a secret.
“Good morning, Mr. Phelps:
“Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to find your 60,000 staffers, and hold an inclusivity and diversity training program that no one can detect at a location no one can find.
“Your budget: unlimited and entirely unregulated.
“As always, if you or any of your team are captured or killed, we’ll assume the Clintons had something to do with it.
“Good luck, Jim, and remember to give ten percent to the big guy.”
The Pentagon has the world’s largest secret army. Its mission:
To spend the secret money from the secret budget.
The Pentagon has the world’s largest secret army. Its mission:
To decipher the secret coded messages hidden in the verbal ramblings of our current president.
Com [munism] e [ventually] On [e-world government for] Man [kind]!
Cor [ruption] n [ow] Pop [ularized]
Say da secret woid and win a hunnert dollers!
Gomerphile, U.S.M.C.
“What are you?”
“A lean, green, part of the machine!”
Saving Private Hidin’
Gunny:
“You’d better get yourself squared away behind a counter in a mall and start selling me some diamond Tiffany f***ing cufflinks! Do you read me?”
“Sir yes sir!”
Patton:
” . . . and another thing.
“I don’t want to get any reports of my men waiting in lines at the DMV. Let the Hun do that.
“We are embedding, constantly, and we’re not interested in waiting, except for the customer.
“We’re going to make them wait all the time! We’re going to hold them up with details and we’re going to kick ’em down the road! We’re going to redirect hell out of them all the time, and we’re going to go through them like Schiff through the news!”
Its Mission: Retrofitting all M1-Abrams tanks to battery power and non-threatening pastel paint schemes.
Establish a lookout for panziefausts.
For that once-a-month feeling, transgender soldierettes prefer MANPADS(c).
…and of course removing the main guns and teaching the crews to say, BANG BANG, really loud.
Its Mission: Thaving Ryan’s “Privates”
….bring along a whole mess of dimes to get to the city of Rock Ridge.
To remain invisible. In other words, stay the hell out of the Dexter Lake Club.
Shama Lama Ding Dong.
For any who may be interested…
https://www.tripadvisor.com/Attraction_Review-g51840-d1209378-Reviews-Dexter_Lake_Club-Dexter_Oregon.html
…to protect the Pentagon’s hookers and blow.