I’m sure you saw Michelle Obama’s appearance on David Letterman’s show. After all, it’s mandatory under Obamacare.
However, if you’re now a felon fleeing justice, I’ll recap a few of the highlights so you can squeak by with “reasonable doubt” during your trial:
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* Her embarrasingly effusive praise for Frank J.’s “brilliant scholarly research” on her husband.
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* The awkward silence after she joked that “America’s not ready for a white First Lady.”
* Her admission that she and Oprah are actually the same person.
* That whole “being carried onto the stage by shirtless Secret Service agents” thing.
* When she snuck out halfway through the interview because of an uncontrollable urge to shop at Target.
* Those clips of her in the Green Room, throttling interns while screaming “where the f@#$ are my tamales?”
* CBS “bleeping” her every time she mentioned Malia’s name.
* Plopping unladylike into the guest chair and accidentally giving everyone a “Paris Hilton” shot.
* Dave’s puzzled look after she told him “I loved your work on The Electric Company.”
* Personally, I think Paul Shaffer was out of line, asking her about “her sister B’Etor” like that.
* So… was Dave making fun of her by climbing on his desk and doing the “Dougie,” or was there just a lot of extra vodka in his coffee cup that night?
* Hollering “where my sluts at?” and tossing free contraceptives into the audience.
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Even though I don’t really like Michelle as either a First Lady or a human being, I have to admit that I was quite impressed by her flawless rendition of Tom Leherer’s “The Elements”.
I never watch Letterman, so I missed it, but from your description I ‘d say I didn’t mss much.
I’m a felon fleeing justice. But I’m inspired by what I’ve read here.
* Before Michello sits down, the Secret Service has to scan her chair with ionizing radiation for unhealthy food remnants.
* If her breast belt lets go unexpectedly, a disconcerting – and often starling – “plop” noise can be heard.
* When a woman walks, a normal “wish-woosh” sound is heard. No so for Mushelle. Her’s is more like “woosh-whop-wibble.”
* Engineers at JPL have calculated the higher, vibratory modes of Messhell’s ass. I saw a graphic of it – and trust me – it does not look good.
It was comical when the BFRO guys showed up and declared victory.
I hear letterman had to move his desk over 24 inches.
While letterman was interviewing her, the Secret Service went out for tacos.
* When Dave asked “Hey, where’s Malia?” and she replied “I am so gonna 404 your ass!”
No hotlink for the “Paris Hilton” shot? Sorry for typing that…just had a Crying Game moment.
C – Couldn’t find anything sufficiently PG-13 for Paris. As a consolation prize, here’s a Crying Game reference link:
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/posts.php?discussion=1304636213094049000&page=1
Whipped off her top to prove she did not have to declare Executive Privilege for SAG card exemption.
Harvey – There is never anything “consoling” about a Crying Game reference.
I’m sure that clip would make great fodder for one of Jimmy Kimmel’s “Unnecessary Censorship” videos…