Archive of entries posted on 14th March 2012

Link of the Day

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[High Praise! to Jimmy]

With Putin now elected President, the Russians are stepping up their oppression…

… their oppression of THE DEVIL!

The God Squad – Russia’s Parachuting Priests

More interesting than the parachuting priests themselves, are the mini hi-tech churches they are to carry with them. The self-assembled Russian orthodox churches will come with crucifixes, replica icons, bells and chalices. In short, everything that’s needed for the rituals performed as a part of their religion. An air conditioning unit, generator, refrigerator and mini-theatre will also accompany the priests. The chapel will be placed on the ground using an airborne platform, generally meant for carrying heavy military equipment. Once on the ground, the priests would get to work in assembling the entire church unit, before holding a service.

The source of the story is a Russian web page. Here’s the Google-translate English version.

Looks legit. If it’s a parody, it’s not well-marked.

Biden Says GOP Can’t Relate to Average Folks at Posh Fundraising Dinner

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WASHINGTON (AP) – Vice President Joe Biden addressed 87 wealthy Democrats last night attending a fundraiser at the home of Sen. John Kerry in Georgetown. As they dined on grass-fed New York strip steaks and white truffle mashed potatos underneath a outdoor tent, Biden criticized Republicans for being out of touch.

“These guys don’t have a sense of the average folks out there,” Biden said according to the pool report, “They don’t know what it means to be middle class.”

‘I’m only doing this because I know it’s so hard being middle class.’

Guests paid a minimum of $10,000-per-couple to attend the dinner.

“It’s a shame that Republicans don’t understand the plight of the downtrodden,” Sen. John Kerry, the evening’s host, told a reporter as he pulled the antique silver spoon out of his mouth to dip it into a bowl of Pâté de Foie Gras prepared by his personal chef. “People are suffering all over America. Good people. People who, like me, served in Vietnam. Make sure you quote that last part.”

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi was similarly appalled at the tragically-disconnected GOP.

“You can’t just keep flaunting your wealth in these troubled times. And they wonder why 99% of Americans – the salt-of-the-earth, common, everyday middle class like us – are unemployed, flat-broke, and Occupying Wall Street, God bless them,” the Congresswoman said sadly, pausing to take a dainty helping of imported Russian beluga caviar with her emerald-encrusted, 24-karat solid-gold spoon, hand-crafted in the 7th century by Arabian child-slaves.

“Those insensitive monsters on the other side of aisle just don’t get it,” Pelosi continued. “They want to be elected, but when you serve in a position of trust like that, you have to do it for the sake of others – those in deepest, direst need – not yourself,” said the former Speaker whose personal net worth skyrocketed 62% last year, to a jaw-dropping $35.2 million.

First Lady Michelle Obama, unable to attend the dinner personally, sent a video to express her support for the attendees’ compassion for the plight of the less-well-off.

“We are in a battle. A battle to help those who are hurting,” said Mrs. Obama, resplendent in a Katie’s Lotus cuff priced at $15,000 with 2.9 carats of diamonds, a Gothic cuff at $15,350 with 2.17 carats in diamonds and a Quatrefoil bracelet at $11,800 with 1.73 carats in diamonds.

“Republicans simply have no heart. At some point you simply have to get right in their faces and ask them straight out: what about the children? What are you going to do for the children?” she said, wiping tears from eyes which were still partially snow-blinded from a recent weekend trip with her own children to a ski resort in Vail.

Nuke the News: The Primary Goes On and On

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* Well, no Newt comeback. Also, not a great night for Romney… or anyone hoping this primary will be over soon. Mathematically, it’s still hard to see how anyone other than Romney wins this (though he came in third in Alabama and Mississippi, it was a close third and he actually won the night in delegates when you add in Hawaii and American Samoa), but I guess we’ll continue on until the convention. Grah!

Come on! I just want to focus on how much I don’t like Obama! Why can’t we end this? Why?!

* The CBO has upped the estimate for the cost of Obamacare to $1.76 trillion over ten years. So not only did we get this health care plan forced on us that no one wants, but it’s twice as expensive as previously estimated. I swear I could completely ruin health care for like an eighth of that cost, a lot of it through cheap sabotage. But the Obama philosophy is if you’re going to do something wrong, it should at least cost a trillion dollars to do it.

Don’t worry, though; he’ll fix everything with another super expensive “stimulus” none of us want.

* Oh no, now Science! has turned on liberals. A scientific (Science!) study says that liberals are much less tolerant of opposing viewpoints. That’s pretty obvious to anyone who has met a liberal, but now Science! says its true which means it can’t be disputed. So what will liberals do now that Science! is their enemy? Will they turn against it? You don’t want to make Science! mad; it can fight back with lasers and meteors and dinosaurs and other Science! things.

* After 244 years, Encyclopedia Britannica is going to stop putting out a print edition of its Encyclopedia. Apparently people aren’t willing anymore to spend thousands of dollars on a giant print edition when they can get more up to date information for free online. Also, Wikipedia has way more information than Britannica could ever fit in it’s print edition; I don’t remember Encyclopedia Britannica having a separate, extensive article for each episode of Firefly. Also, clicking on a link is much easier than having to keep searching between a couple dozen different books. Also, again, free versus super expensive.

Anyway, end of an era, but that’s progress. So now Britannica will focus on… selling pencils maybe? Who knows; the encyclopedia was sort of their whole reason for existence. Maybe they should try cooking a really good cheeseburger; Five Guys has done great for itself.

* Wisdom of the Day from Ken Jennings:

Antarctica was awesome, btw. So weird that a century ago nobody had even been to the South Pole and now there are like 100 Starbucks there.

* Here’s Sunny on Critical Race Theory. Vroom vroom! (or are we talking a different kind of race?)

Random Thoughts

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Any day now, Obama is going to be attacked by a rabbit.

Maybe trampling over religious liberty because a Georgetown student is too cheap to buy her own contraception isn’t a great idea.

Was a politically connected woman from an elite law school really the best needy case they could come up with?

This whole contraception fiasco has cost the GOP about 5 or 6 votes.

According to Critical Race Theory, a dog would beat a cheetah in a long distance race.

One of the most controversial issues in Critical Race Theory is a running match between the Flash and Superman.

One of the most covered topics in Critical Race Theory is Sonic the Hedgehog.

How did I eat food before I knew about putting Sriracha on everything?

I can’t even think of anything that doesn’t sound better with Sriracha on it.

Well this primary thing ain’t ending anytime soon, is it?