I have a new column in the New York Post on how we need to update the Bill of Rights so it guarantees us actual stuff we can use.

Obviously, we’re much more sophisticated now. We aren’t like the Founding Fathers, with their primitive fear of government and thunder. We need to update this silly, archaic Bill of Rights, which puts all this emphasis on “freedom” with no mention of the much more important “free stuff.” If we don’t act, other countries will make fun of us for it — and who wants to be tittered at by Belgium?

Read it, enjoy it, like it on Facebook, and then come back and tell me how smart and clever I am.