According to HR, I am now multi-tasked with:
- Conducting detailed work corridor and infrastructure analysis
- Developing the concepts of operations and design
- Collecting and analyzing real-time data
- Evaluating system performance, safety impacts, and operational benefits
- Stakeholder engagement
When the hell will I have time to do all this and still have a beer?

Probably because all the hot Intern Babes went on spring break and never came back.
It’s only stakeholder engagement – there’s still time to call it off…
I’m putting my feet up! I mean down.
If your job description involves the word “stakeholder” and you’re not killing Dracula, it’s probably not a job you really want.
If you’re drinking your beer and it tastes the same as the last time you drank it.
Isn’t that collecting and analyzing real-time data?
If you’re buzzing after three beers but last weekend you were buzzing after 4 beers…
Then isn’t that Evaluating system performance, safety impacts, and operational benefits?
Now that you mention it . . .
All five could become ‘case’ studies!
Send in more interns.
“It’s 3:48pm.”
…
“Now it’s 3:49pm.”
Wait, I had twenty-five or six to four…
My job description has always been on the Woody Allen plan: “90% is just Showing Up”.
THis is what happens when you open an email or answer the phone.
Never open an email.
Never answwer the phone.
Marco Rubio thinks you have excellent meme potential and would like to hire you part-time.
I had a part-time job but I got fired ….. cuz it was a full-time job.