Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
While negotiating a nuclear deal with Iran, John Kerry…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
While negotiating a nuclear deal with Iran, John Kerry…
While negotiating a nuclear deal with Iran, John Kerry…
took a vacation… from reality.
. . . sang Happy Birthday and passed around the yellowcake
…was vewy, vewy quiet…
… was away on a hunting trip with Ted Nugent (I wish).
… started singing, “Iran, Iran so far awaaaay…”
… agreed to loan them some nukes if they didn’t have any.
… walked away from the negotiations when they brought up walnuts.
… kept having to remove “kick me” signs from his back.
… was never invited to play in any reindeer games.
… was forced to wear a burka.
… blew up the ayatollah’s private bathroom.
… accidentally the nuclear program. The whole thing!
…sat in a corner, rolling two steel balls in his hand and mumbling “I proved with geometric logic that CO2 causes increased sweating, turban wearing, and random acts of violence…”
…sat in a darkened room, idly doodling variations of the letters A, G, and W on a pad and bemoaning that Anthropomorphic Global Warming had caused his precipitous decline in Average Gonadal Weight…
. . . channeled his inner George W. and called them nucular weapons.
. . . arrived at the talks in Vienna by driving a swift boat up the Danube.
. . . drowned out Zavad Zarif’s screams by plugging his ears with Anonymiss’ cookies.
While negotiating a nuclear deal with Iran, John Kerry…
… asked the mullahs if they knew he had been in Vietnam.
… brought levity into the discussion by asking if any of the Iranians were distant relatives of Jenjis Khan.
… said he was for a nuclear deal before he was against it.
Once again, threw his metals at his Iranian counterparts while screaming at the top of his lungs, “I was in VIET-FNING-NAM!”
Had an “epsiode” and foamed at the mouth when the Iranians served Hunt’s Ketchup on the fries during lunch.
Asked his Swiss hosts if they would Miss him if he took a break to windsurf the Danube.
… asked “What’s all this argument over enrichment? It’s my favorite thing!”
… was flattered to hear they called him a Shia Pet.
…told them he could be more flexible once the Botox wears off…
…realized that he would be supported more in his endeavors had he not called Burt and a lot of his friends “War Criminals” in 1971 before Congress.
… wondered, “If we’re signing this in Vienna, why’s it called the Munich Agreement?”
.. agreed that allowing Iran to make U235 was a good compromise between the US request to stick to U238 and Iran’s demand to host a U2 concert in Tehran.
. . . wore his best outfit – the one that makes him look like one of the sperm cells from the movie Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Sex
. . . was frequently asked “Why the long face?”
While negotiating a nuclear deal with Iran, John Kerry…
…got swiftboated and all the mullahs laughed.
…held his hands up and said, “Don’t Shoot!”
…folded like a lawn chair.
… promptly soiled herself.
… gave them a white flag, signed by president choom himself.
Got confused and offered to give them nuclear secrets.
…put all one of his cards on the table.
…kept his mouth shut because Muslims killing unarmed people is the rule not the exception.
…showed off his mid-east history knowledge when he claimed to have been at the Sphinx vs Ali fight and it was SEARED in his memory.
While negotiating a nuclear deal with Iran, John Kerry…
… needs to grow a pair and tell the mullahs to shut their f’ing falafal holes.
While negotiating a nuclear deal with Iran, John Kerry…
started doing his best “Lurch” impersonation.
brain farted and hoped no one would notice the difference with his normal negotiating ability.
was reminded constantly of Ruth to the Yankees, Brock to the Cardinals and Walker to the Vikings.
traded Manhattan for some shiny beads.
needed a visit from “Confuse-A-Cat”.
. . . made the rounds of the local morning shows reminding people to buy Frank’s new book.
… got the talks back on track when he discovered the Farsi word for uranium is “KETCH-up”