Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
The head of NBC News wants to fix MSNBC’s ratings problem. His plan…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
The head of NBC News wants to fix MSNBC’s ratings problem. His plan…
…pointing out that Arabic numerals are terrorists.
…involves throwing money at and groveling before Jon Stewart.
…is to bring back Keith Olbermann.
…is to buy the rights to every Eighties sit-com and go wall to wall for the insomniac crowd
… putting MSNBC on the Terrorist Watch List (if it isn’t already).
… simulcasting on Al Jazeera.
… forcing Powerball, Megamillions, and other lottery shows to only broadcast on MSNBC.
… hiring Captain Kangaroo-Zombie as a host.
… putting Melissa Harris-Perry in charge of accessorizing.
…is to win the contract to produce “Two Minute Hate” broadcasts for the administration.
…-kidnap Roger Ailes and Rush Limbaugh and torture their secrets from them…
…-interactive television, with strategically placed electrodes allowing you to give Chris Matthews a “tingle” whenever you want…
…attempting to sign Janeanne Garofalo for a weekly feature.
… lock the strategy team out of the cockpit, and take the controls himself.
Lions. Christians. You know they want to do it.
… count as supporters all viewers who aren’t watching.
(as Obama did with “folks” who didn’t vote in the 2012 election)
… declare MSNBC’s ratings to be a success of Yemenic proportions.
His plan…
…what’s a plan?
…when in danger, or in doubt, run in circles scream and shout- Burma Shave
…blame Bush
…change the name to “FOX”.
…is to declare that they aren’t liberal enough and go farther to the left.
…free cookies!
Oh, come on! There’s only one man who can fix MSNBC: Bathtub Boy.
The head of NBC News wants to fix MSNBC’s ratings problem. His plan…
Gay bomb.
make everyone grow Goatees, especially Maddow.
will fail, spectacularly.
… try embedding some journalists with their news crews.
… pay-per-view showing of how Harry Reid really got his injuries to ribs, jaw, and eye.
…is to buy out KCTV and relocate their studios to Kijŏngdong. Instant bump of 25 million captive viewers!
… inserting a symbolic period in the name — if you don’t like MS.NBC, you’re waging a war on women!
The head of NBC News wants to fix MSNBC’s ratings problem. His plan…
is to lean to the right by rehiring Phil Donahue to get the conservative folk.
Show the Indian-head test pattern in crystal clear HD. That should increase their viewership to 26. A 100% increase.
…a new ad campaign featuring the tag line “MSNBC – if you’re not watching it, you’re a racist.”
…syndication deal with “The Naked News”. (it’s a real thing…google it…but it’s definitely NSFW)
The head of NBC News wants to fix MSNBC’s ratings problem. His plan… is to pay three more people to admit to watching MSNBC thereby doubling the ratings.
24/7 infomercials and or 14 hours a day of 4 episodes of Forensic Files in an endless loop followed by infomercials.
Oh wait, Headline “News” already does that.
…burn it to the ground and collect the insurance.
…government subsidies.
…make all the female news readers go topless (didn’t say it was a GOOD plan)
…24/7 Hypnotoad
Wait! What? MSNBC is still on?
…is to hire the ShamWow guy as a reader.
…every 10th caller who knows the “Phrase that Pays” will get $50.00.
…involves boobies.
Step 1: Complain about low ratings
Step 2: ???
Step 3: RATINGS BONANZA!!
The head of NBC News wants to fix MSNBC’s ratings problem. His plan…
is so cunning and ambitious he descends into gales of giggling which slowly rise to peals of uncontrollable laughter whenever he thinks about it.
The head of NBC News wants to fix MSNBC’s ratings problem. His plan…
involves wombats, margarine, 3 bottles of “Flexseal”, one semi-coherent OWS protester and a small plum pudding with walnuts.
The head of NBC News wants to fix MSNBC’s ratings problem. His plan…
build a large wooden Rabbit…
… build himself an underground lair and try to raise MSNBC’s ad income to One Million Dollars.
… select random viewers and threaten not to beat them up if they don’t watch the network. Then, threaten to beat them up if they do watch the network…
… tell Fred you were doing a great job watching his ratings, but when you woke up (!!) — they were gone!!
You think it’ll work?
It’s got to work better than the truth.
… install, for the viewing public, a reflux capacitor.
…gofundme
… (which in their case is “gofindme.”)
Wheel…of…Fish!
The head of NBC News wants to fix MSNBC’s ratings problem. His plan…
…can be found on any A-Team rerun. He loves it when a plan comes together
…involves flushing lots of money down the commode.
The head of NBC News wants to fix MSNBC’s ratings problem. His plan…
Just make up numbers out of thin air, and recite them as fact. It works for the White House.
Hire The Simpsons for in depth commentary. (Knowing MSLSD, they would probably screw that up by hiring OJ and Jason.)
… Make watch MSNBC mandatory.
… Revive Firefly for thirteen episodes (No wait, that was my wishlist)
… Decide that ratings are racists, and introduce affirmative action sponsors.
… Was going fine until someone showed up with five badgers in the supply truck. They don’t need no stinking badgers!
…replace all audio with the Perry Mason theme song.
…Out: Dialing For Dollars
In: Dialing For NAMBLA
…TV monitor on Chris Matthew’s head when he goes out trolling bus station mens rooms.
…onscreen reunion with Maddow and the rest of the ’72 Oakland A’s.
…less snarling, biting and floor pooping, anybody got the number for that dog whisperer guy?
…”a universal remote. GOD’S UNIVERSAL REMOTE!!!!!”