John Edwards pet peeve #16 – passing a store window that’s only 30% reflective.

History’s greatest feats of strength:
King Arthur – Excalibur from a stone.
John Edwards – Napkin from a dispenser.

After embarrassing himself by pushing on a door marked “pull”, John Edwards will embarrass himself further by pulling and getting the same result.

John Edwards always has the football game on, but only really watches it when the offensive line is bent over waiting for the snap.

With John Edwards, there are no bad haircuts – only hairstylists who are marked for death.

Although not a pack rat by nature, John Edwards just can’t talk himself into throwing out his Jane Fonda workout video & leg warmers.
Bonus Fact from Chris:
John Edwards has a bitch bell.
[Caution: Once viewed, this video can’t be un-seen. Not responsible for loss of sleep, composure, or sanity.]

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have anything against John Edwards personally, but that look of sublime ecstasy he gets on his face after being spritzed while walking by a department store perfume counter is just a little bit creepy, doncha think?

Most people are surprised to learn that John Edwards has a tattoo, but take a good look at his eyeliner sometime.
Bonus Fact from Silicon Valley Jim:
Power tools scare John Edwards. Actually, any tool scares John Edwards, even his manicurist’s nail file.
Bonus Fact Video from Jim of 24thState.com (which actually predates the Hawkins video, but I’ve been too lazy to post this):

Illustrated Bonus Fact from Dick of Suicide Help Desk‘s comment (#3) about John Edwards’s favorite Monty Python sketch:

Illustrated Bonus Fact from exhelodrvr (#4) about John Edwards’s least favorite Monty Python sketch:

John Edwards believes in the conspiracy theory that Big Hairspray is paying millions to keep the uncloggable spray nozzle off the market.

The most annoying thing about going out drinking with John Edwards? Having to listen to his incessant ranting about how EVERY pad should have wings.

John Edwards’s Pet Peeve #7: being sick and – after searching the mansion high and low – only being able to find the oral thermometer.

John Edwards is incapable of entering a flower shop without gazing around and whispering “I’m prettier than all of you”.

A shoe salesman once told John Edwards “those size 5 pumps are too small, let’s try a size 6”. That size 6 is STILL lodged in the guy’s colon.

John Edwards wishes someone would hurry up and invent Post-It-Note-strength velcro.

In an attempt to help out John Edwards, here are facts about John Edwards put to music made by John Hawkins. Edwards is definitely IMAO’s choice in the Democratic race, so we hope he slaps the competition in Iowa!