Archive of posts filed under the Parody & Satire category.

Song Parody: Hopelessley Demented

Posted by on

That’s Joe Biden on the right. He usually has that look.

(To the tune of Olivia Newton-John singing “Hopelessly Devoted” from Grease)

♫

Yours is not the first pledge broken;

You guys are not the first to lie:

You’re not the first, you know

Just know, it’s getting overused …

You treat us just like fools who are willin’

To sit around and vote for you

But, Biden, can’t you see?

There’s nothing else at this university
To do.

Hopelessly we’re voting for you.

♫

But, now,
There’s nothing to decide

Since you pushed Bernie aside

You’re out of your head,
Hopelessly I’m voting for you.

Hopelessly demented like you.

Hopelessly we’re voting for you.

♫

My head is saying: “He’s a fool, forget him!”

My heart is saying: “Don’t!”
and
“Joe, let go!”

Hold on to the end –

… No pun intended, dude.


Hopelessly I voted for you.

♫

[Repeat — as many times as the voting precinct will let you]

♫

Iowa Stubborn

Posted by on

With apologies to no one (although the late Meredith Willson might not care for this)…

Oh, there’s nothing to say
About the Iowa way to caucus,
When we caucus
Which we can’t get right at all.

There’s an Iowa kind of special
Chip and software attitude.
We’ve never been without.
That we recall.

We can be down
As your falling poll numbers in the backrooms
If you ask to get the vote results on time.
And we’re so by God stubborn
We won’t admit that there’s a problem
For a week or more.
Want the results? You can kiss our ass.

But what the heck, we’ll tell ya,
What we think we want to tell ya
You can throw a fit
But really keep it to yourself.
You really shoulda give Iowa a pass.

But we’ll give you a kick
And a smack to go with it
If your polls should happen to crash.

So, what the heck, you’re welcome,
Glad to have you with us.
Even though you may not ever want to come again.

You really ought to give Iowa
Hawkeye Iowa
Buttigieg,
Sanders,
Warren,
Biden,
Klobuchar,
Yang,
Steyer,
Bloomberg,
Gabbard

Ought to give Iowa a pass!

“Lower, Lower” (Song Parody)

Posted by on

[Based on “Louie Louie” by The Kingsmen, originally by Richard Berry]

Lower, Lower

♫♫

♫  ♫  ♫

.

 

♫♫

♫  ♫  ♫

 

 

Ah, lower, lower
Pelosi said
We gotta go

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, she said
Lower, lower
On cable now, we gotta go

 

♫♫

♫  ♫  ♫

 

 

My little world
It waits on me
Assails statesmanship
Across the sea

Me sell that call
As something wrong
Like everything
Me get it wrong, oh

Lawfare, Lawfare:
Subpeona power said
He gotta go
Oh no, I sank

Lower, Lower
Cabal said he gotta go.

Three nights and days investigate
I drink, impeachment, and goodbye state!
Partisanship, me think it’s fair
I smell Rose Law Firm in the air

I say:
Lower, Lower
Comey said he gotta go
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, he said
Lower, Lower
Oh baby, we said
He gotta go

Okay, let’s give it to the right now!

The evidence
Is cracker croaker
Me shemm and hsdfsm . . . Backer brokerict . . .
On that evidence
Of onefs – werwny -x . . .
Brussdfn you – You must convict!

Ah, Lower, Lower
I said he gotta go!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I said
Lower, Lower, oh baby, I said he gotta go.

I said he gotta go, now

Let’s get on outta here

AO!

Innumerable psychedelic riffs follow

♫♫

♫  ♫  ♫

 

The Illustrated Walrus: The Pitch

Posted by on

Based on something Walrus said.

.

AMERICA: So, what have you come up with?

HOUSE COMMITTEE: Well, we’ve thought about this in a variety of ways. But the basic idea is Trump, being himself, . . .

ADAM SCHIFF: (Interrupting) May I?

HOUSE COMMITTEE: Go ahead.

ADAM SCHIFF: I think I can sum up this impeachment for you with one word: “NOTHING.”

AMERICA: Nothing?

ADAM SCHIFF: (Smiling) Nothing.

AMERICA: (Unimpressed) What does that mean?

ADAM SCHIFF: The impeachment is about nothing.

HOUSE COMMITTEE: (To Schiff) Well, it’s not about nothing.

ADAM SCHIFF: (To Committee) No, it’s about nothing.

HOUSE COMMITTEE: Well, maybe in philosophy. But, even nothing is something.

(Committee and Schiff glare at each other. The press enters.)

PRESS: America, Keeping Up With The Kardashians is on TV.

AMERICA: I’ll watch later.

(Press leaves)

ADAM SCHIFF: (Attempting to pronounce Latin) Quid Pro Quo?

AMERICA: Not even close.

ADAM SCHIFF: Was it with a Russian?

AMERICA: No.

REPUBLICAN CONGRESSMAN: What’s the premise?

HOUSE COMMITTEE: Well, as I was saying, Trump being himself, as an outsider, from New York, has an agenda, a following, and a hot wife, which is all true.

ADAM SCHIFF: Yeah, but nothing happens that can’t be grounds for impeachment. You see, it’s just his life. You know, he eats, he goes campaigning, he speaks … He eats, he campaigns, he makes a phone call.

AMERICA: He made a phone call? You have a transcript?

HOUSE COMMITTEE: Well, I don’t know about the transcript… We didn’t discuss any transcript.

AMERICA: All right, tell me, tell me about the stories. What kind of first-hand knowledge?

ADAM SCHIFF: Oh, no. No first-hand knowledge.

AMERICA: No first-hand knowledge? So what is this?

ADAM SCHIFF: (Showing an example) What’d you do today?

AMERICA: I got up and came to work.

ADAM SCHIFF: There’s an impeachment. That’s impeachment.

AMERICA: (Confused) How is that impeachment?

HOUSE COMMITTEE: Well, uh, maybe something happened when he got to work.

ADAM SCHIFF: No, no, no. Nothing happened.

HOUSE COMMITTEE: Well, something happened.

AMERICA: Well, why am I watching it?

ADAM SCHIFF: Because it’s going to bring down Trump.

AMERICA: Not yet.

Weird Hair, and Everywhere. (Song Parody)

Posted by on

[To the tune of the Beatles’ “Here, There, and Everywhere”]

♩♩♪

To lead a bitter life
I need Millennials near . . .

Weird:
Faking each day of the year.
Closing their minds
With the wave of the hand.
Nobody can
Deny there’s nothing there.

Their
Twinkles-Up hands in the air
Each of us thinking how rude they can be
Someone is speaking
But they just don’t know he’s there.

You see them everywhere:
And with sheep to guide them
They know they need Medicare.
Handout-lovers, they say need is everywhere
Knowing your money’s to share
Each one believing golden geese never die
Tweeting the lies
And hoping they’ll get their share.

You find them everywhere;
And if they deride me
I know I need never care.
But for leverage they leave needles everywhere
Knowing that misery’s to share
Each one believing that Epstein just died
All on welfare
And hoping it’s always there….

… Freebies here, there, and everywhere.
Feared, “fair,” and everywhere!

♩♩♪

Five O’Clock On a Saturday (Song Parody)

Posted by on

Flashback: Remember when some guy who called himself Barry Soetoro was president?  Crazy times. But they did give rise to some good music: for instance, this collaboration by Oppo and Gumbeaux-funkle. All the best lines are from Gumbeaux.

♫

It’s five o’clock somewhere Saturday.
The Regulator crowd shuffles in.
There’s an old woman sitting on TV
Whose whole life has been lying and spin.

She says, “CNN won’t you play up my mammaries?
I’m not truly sure how it goes.
But I’m sad in my suite ‘cause I’m gonna get beat
And a prison cell soon will enclose.”

Lie lie lie, lie lie lie.
Lie lie, lie lie lie, lie lie.

Chorus:
Tell us some lies, you’re Soetoro man.
Tell us some lies tonight.
We’ve endured eight long years of your treachery.
Go away, we’ll be feelin’ delight.

Now Bill, who’s disbarred, is a friend of mine.
And his wife is as crooked as he;
And he’s quick with his poke or to light up his “smoke”
When he’s someplace that he’d rather be.

He says, “Prez, no more interns are thrilling me
I’m too old and too weak for the chase.
Well I’m sure that I could be a porno star
As opposed to an impeached disgrace.”

Oh lie lie lie, lie lie lie
Lie lie, lie lie lie, lie lie….

Bill’s a Whitewater real estate novelist
Who never had time for his wife.
And he’s talking with Jarrett, who’s dangling a carrot
They should all be imprisoned for life.

And the witless are practicing politics
As the big donors slowly get stoned.
Yes, they’re sharing a drink they call “Parse This,”
But it’s best to call a payoff a loan.

Chorus:
Tell us some lies, you’re Soetoro man.
Tell us some lies tonight.
For eight years you’ve looted our treasury.
Go away, we’ll be feelin’ delight.

It’s a tiny Dem crowd for a Saturday
They just dropped a handful of dimes.
But I know that it’s me, they’ll be coming to see
When pardons they’ll need for their crimes.

And my spokesmen all sound like compost,
Coming from Valerie our puppeteer
Yet they sit at the bar thinking I’m a rock star
Though I’m mentally stuck in first gear.
Oh lie lie lie, lie lie lie
Lie lie, lie lie lie, lie lie.

Chorus:
Tell us some lies, you’re Soetoro man.
Tell us some lies tonight.
You are clueless and so elementary.
Go away, we’ll be feelin’ delight.

♫

Future Headlines

Posted by on

Feel free to come up with a probable headline of your own…

Fastest-Healing Mouse in All Mexico Predicts Speedy Recovery

Halloween Etiquette: Can’t Say Boo
Founder of Wuss Nation Says Use of the Word “Boo!” Is Wuss-Phobic
Millions Point Out the Oxymoron

Cut and Pastiche

Posted by on

From the UK’s Independent (10/19/17):

North Korea Threatens “Unimaginable” Strike on U.S. After Military Drills

North Korea has threatened to launch an “unimaginable” strike on the US, accusing the Trump administration and its South Korean “puppet” allies of seeking to “ignite a war on the Korean peninsula at any cost”.

The statement released by the Korean Central News Agency, Pyongyang’s official’s mouthpiece, predicted “imminent catastrophic disaster” in the region.

Using typically hyperbolic language, it vowed to “mercilessly smash the war frenzy of the US and South Korean puppet warmongers to get rid of the abyss of ruin through dangerous war gambling and inflict the most miserable death on the invaders.”

…

North Korea’s statement added: “The US is running amuck by introducing under our nose the targets we have set as primary ones.”

“The US should expect that it would face unimaginable strike at an unimaginable time.”

. . . and, in related news:

Democrats Threaten “Unimaginable” Strike on Trump After Intelligence Agency Spying

Democrats have threatened to launch an “unimaginable” strike on US president Donald Trump, accusing the Trump administration and its Republican “puppet” allies of seeking to “ignite a war on American soil at any cost”.

The statement released by CNN, the Democrat official’s mouthpiece, predicted “imminent catastrophic disaster” in the nation.

Using typically hyperbolic language, it vowed to “mercilessly smash the non-war frenzy of the president and Republican puppet non-warmongers to get rid of the abyss of ruin through dangerous war gambling and inflict the most miserable death on the climate deniers.”

…

The Democrat/CNN statement added: “Trump is running amuck by introducing under our nose the targets we have set as primary ones.”

“Deplorables should expect that they would face imaginable strikes at a pretty imaginable time.”

Unelectable (Song Parody)

Posted by on

Suggested by Dave Drake:

[To the tune of Nat King Cole’s “Unforgettable” by Irving Gordon]

♫

Unelectable . . .
That’s what you are
Unelectable
So near, so far
Like a gambler clinging to hope
And drowning the resounding “nope”
Never before has someone been more . . .

Unelectable
In every way
And forever more,
That’s how you’ll stay
That’s why karma can be horrible
When someone so deplorable
Thinks that I am deplorable too.

It’s delectable
In every way
As for falling short,
Well, that’s what they say
Noways tired nor regrettable
That someone so unforgivable
Finds it unlivable too.

♫

Future Headlines

Posted by on

Elizabeth Warren: Movie Opening Weekends To Be Capped By Law at $10 Million in Box Office
“It’s Only Fair To Level the Playing Field for Crappy Movies”
Hollywood Postpones Fundraisers
Aides Call it “The 1,024th Biggest Mistake of Her Career”

.

Biden Aides Issue Clarification on What He Is About To Say

.

Ilhan Omar Gets Divorce From Reality

.

Bill Clinton Turns Poet: “My Love Is Like a Red, Red Rose Law Firm Document: Not All There”

.

IRS Sends Letter of Intent — IMAO To Be Audited in 2021, 2025, 2029; Whenever Democrats Regain Executive Branch

“I Dig Polygamy, by Charles Haughtry and the Dem Aides” (Song Parody)

Posted by on

[To the tune of the Beatles’ “I Dig a Pony”]

♩♪
♪♪

I . . I . . . I
Smell a phony.
Well, Libs can celebrate anything they want
Yes, Libs can celebrate anything they want
Oh . . .

They
Do a road show
Where they can denigrate any sense you show
Yes, they can denigrate any sense you show
On the Late Show

“Screw Amendment Two!
Everything has got to be just like we want it to!”
Because

I’m sick of Blue Dogs
Well, they would legislate every move you make
Yes, they would legislate every breath you take
Oh now:

They don’t say they’re sorry
Well, they can implicate everyone, you know
Yes, they can implicate everyone you know
I told you so

“All your wants, times two!
Everything has got to be just like you want it to!”
Because . . .

Oh, now:
My, my my:
Which way does the wind blow?
Well, you can predicate everything on that, you see
Yes, you can predicate everything on that, you see
Oh now:

They . . . wrote a story
Where they can syndicate any bull they wrote
Yeah, they can syndicate all the bull they wrote
To help you vote

“All ruled by The View!
Everything, and say you like it too!”
Because . . .

♩♪
♪♪

Always On My Dime (Song Parody)

Posted by on

[To the tune of “You Were Always On My Mind”]

“Always on My Mind” is a [hauntingly beautiful] song by Johnny Christopher, Mark James, and Wayne Carson first recorded by B.J. Thomas in 1970, and first released by Gwen McCrae (as “You Were Always on My Mind”) in 1972. Brenda Lee also released a version in 1972. The song has been a crossover hit, charting in both the country and western and pop categories.

AllMusic lists over 300 recorded releases of the song in versions by dozens of performers. While Brenda Lee’s version had stalled at number 45 on the country charts in 1972, other performers reached the top 20 in the United States and elsewhere with their own versions: Elvis Presley in 1972; John Wesley Ryles in 1979; Willie Nelson’s Grammy Award-winning version in 1982; and Pet Shop Boys in 1987.

— Wikipedia

♩♩♪

Maybe we shouldn’t have showed you
All the things that you could have;
And maybe Libs shouldn’t have told you
There are things that you “should” have
If they made you feel like an oppressed class
I’m sorry you were in a bind

But you were always on my dime
You were always on my dime

And maybe Libs voter-enrolled you
All those many, many times
I guess they never told you
That illegal equals crime
Little things like that, when all is said and done
Though you never did the time

But you were always on my dime
You were always on my dime

Tell me
That America hasn’t died
And silly citizenship
Citizenship requirements
Have been satisfied
I’ll be satisfied

Legal things you should have said and done
Oh, they put you on the cover of Time

But you were always on my dime
You were always on my dime
You were always on my dime
You were always on my dime

♩♩♪

Outclassed Onion (Song Parody)

Posted by on

by Walrus & Oppo
[To the tune of The Beatles’ “Glass Onion”]

♩♩♪

I told you about a tawdry reveal
You know these days that nothing is real
Well here’s another farce they extoll
To fool all the Proles

Looking through some anonymous tips
To see if these new lies will live
Reality’s surpassed The Onion.

.

I told you about the walrus and me, man
You know, some things we can’t parody, man.
Making up another clue for you all
The walrus got stalled.

Standing while casting aspersions galore, yeah
The Grey Lady failing to make facts meet, yeah
Reality’s surpassed The Onion.

.

Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah
Reality’s surpassed The Onion.

.

I told you ’bout those fools on the Hill
Man, they’re pushing impeachment still
Gonna remove him with (ins) urgency
But listen to me!

Ellipsing to create their story
Trying to make a liberal point, yeah
Reality’s surpassed The Onion.

♩♩♪